this journal is officially closed.

goodbye.

and things would not be this way if this was not the most consistent thing in my life.  and the good things went away - which pisses me off too - I'm not perfect, fucker.  I make mistakes.  And I better fucking get something more than left in the dust, otherwise I fucking will hire someone to kill this guy or just off myself and cause a fucking ( Read more... )

so I slept, and I woke up horribly depressed ( Read more... )

something just told me to wait until tomorrow - not certain which part it meant... but I guess I'll take a stab and assume it was going to talk to someone about a waitress position.  hell, it was right the last time.  or the looking for a job part. 

• take action and do actual rituals to A] let go and B] be certain that this person will not be attached to me in any future lives... to at least make that intention known to the universe.  Work at it.  I am ready to let go.
• take action and focus on getting back to where I was, but better - with creating the connections I want, and being the person I ( Read more... )

awake for 3 days [never slept]... now I'm using a picture of myself online to do some sympathetic energy work on myself.   I was all gun ho this morning when I managed to get all the nasty obstructions off my neck and head - with a fight.  They came back - but I think I pissed them off ( Read more... )

*&$^$  I'm confused - okay for a while, really not okay for a while - I'd think I was bipolar if I didn't know better.  I don't know why.  I was fine before.  Maybe staying awake for long periods is like drinking right now - I shouldn't do it because I go to fucked up places.  Like, blacking out and punching someone, or blacking out and having ( Read more... )

I've been up for a couple of days [again]....

I don't even know what I'm looking at anymore.   Ah well... sleep time soon.

just cuz it should not be that hard doesn't mean that it's not.

OMG I'm pissed right now for no real reason.  Maybe I'll actually walk down to the free therapy place tonight before 10pm.

That is, unless I decide to post an escort ad tonight ... yeah, I'm going there.

If I can banish the watery entity near me and the random thoughtforms I might be able to get a good meditation in.  I want to feel pleasantly empty.  There are still things pushing at my head neck and shoulders trying to distort me to see or feel or hear things that are not accurate.  Really unpleasant energy is still around as well, trying to ( Read more... )