Subtle Changes - Chapter 2 (part 4) - MomoKai

[celianna]

Title: Subtle Changes
Fandom: Prince of Tennis
Pairing: Momoshiro/Kaidoh
Rating: MA
Word count: 58k
Chapters: 1 (part 1) | 1 (part 2) | 2 (part 1) | 2 (part 2) | 2 (part 3) | 2 (part 4)
Summary: They don’t look each other in the eye when they do it.
A/N: I think ... this might be the final chapter? I don't know, I can still see future chapters of this.



Kaidoh was afraid he’d do something stupid during their match. Like stumble over his two left feet because he gets all tongue tied whenever Momoshiro looks at him. But surprisingly, when they’re on the court together, all Kaidoh felt was the nostalgia of playing Momoshiro when they were younger. When they were rivals, and that’s all they did together. That’s all they were. It was unbelievably simple between them, and Kaidoh had so much fun playing Momoshiro again like this.

He got to see Momoshiro’s serious face once more, only having eyes for Kaidoh this time. He got to see Momoshiro’s new moves up close. He got to feel that adrenaline pumping through him again that he hasn’t felt in years, the kind he only gets around Momoshiro.

By the end, even if Kaidoh lost, Kaidoh doesn’t feel angry, confused, weird, or anxious at all. No, he almost feels liberated in a way. That crazy adrenaline rush is making Kaidoh think everything’s okay, everything’s alright, there’s nothing out of the ordinary, and this is how he and Momoshiro have always been. There’s nothing scary about that.

Kaidoh approaches the net, as Momoshiro does the same. They’re both sweaty and breathing harshly-the match took more than an hour to settle, and they’re both exhausted. Neither of them went easy on the other, and that’s just how Kaidoh likes it. Momoshiro never goes easy on him, he goes all out. And he won, and Kaidoh isn’t even upset about that. No, he’s incredibly at ease and happy at the result. Who cares if he lost when he got to play Momoshiro like this again? Where nothing else mattered but them and the ball? Where they flung insults of encouragement at each other? Where Momoshiro kept looking at Kaidoh?

It was most definitely worth it.

Kaidoh wants to play again.

“That … was a good match,” says Momoshiro as he stretches his hand over the net. He gives Kaidoh this mischievous smirk, as if he’s sharing a secret with Kaidoh.

Kaidoh’s hand slides into Momoshiro’s, and while hot and sweaty, it makes his skin tingle and crawl, but in a good way. “Yeah …” he replies. It was a great match. He squeezes Momoshiro’s hand, unable to let go.

“You know, if you were in the tennis club, then you might have stood a chance at beating me,” Momoshiro says. He’s smirking again. Kaidoh can’t find it in himself to be grumpy, so instead he allows himself this small smile.

“I just went easy on you, that’s all.” Kaidoh looks Momoshiro in the eye, and holds his stare, which is all powerful and filling him up with a warm and comfortable fuzzy feeling.

“Sure you did,” Momoshiro says in a mock tone. “You keep telling yourself that. If you don't start playing tennis again soon, I'll leave you behind." Momoshiro squeezes Kaidoh's hand a bit harder, and it makes Kaidoh’s heart beat even faster.

Kaidoh doesn’t want Momoshiro to leave him behind, and he’s not talking about it in terms of tennis. He doesn’t want Momoshiro to stop talking to him, to stop interacting with him, to stop sending text messages, to stop jerking each other off, to stop playing matches with each other. Kaidoh’s pretty damn sure he doesn’t want Momoshiro to leave him behind at all. He wants to be with him, and experience all these things with him. To have fun, to feel like this all the time, like he can do anything he wants, like Momoshiro will support him, like Momoshiro will be there for him, and Momoshiro wants to be there for him.

And with the way Momoshiro is still holding onto Kaidoh’s hand, perhaps Momoshiro is thinking the same. Perhaps he doesn’t want to leave Kaidoh behind at all. Perhaps, just like Kaidoh, he feels warm and fuzzy as well with their hands clasped together after playing a really good match. Perhaps those eyes that keep following him is because Momoshiro can’t bear to look away.

“I guess that just means we have to play more matches with each other,” says Kaidoh in a brave voice. It’s the first time he expresses an interest in playing Momoshiro-usually he just tries to make it seem like it’s an annoyance to him, like he’s forced to do it. But that couldn’t be further from the truth. Kaidoh will jump at the chance to play him again.

In fact, Kaidoh’s pretty damn sure that when they go back to college, he’ll quit the track and field club and join the tennis team. He doesn’t know what took him so long, he’s been missing out on a lot of things with Momoshiro like this. He’s been stubborn for way too long. Kaidoh should simply accept he likes to play tennis, and he definitely likes to play tennis with Momoshiro.

“That’s fine with me-prepare to get your ass kicked then,” says Momoshiro with a laugh. A laugh that rumbles in Kaidoh’s stomach and makes him feel goosebumps. He can’t help but grin back at Momoshiro.

“In your dreams, dumbass,” Kaidoh says with a chuckle. The insult almost sounds like a fond nickname, and subconsciously he squeezes Momoshiro’s hand again, which are still joined together.

But then Momoshiro finally lets go of Kaidoh’s hand-Kaidoh has to resist the urge to grab for it and pull it back-and lifts it to curl it into a fist. Kaidoh can’t help but feel giddy and smile like an idiot, as he fistbumps Momoshiro’s fist with his own. His body trembles at the contact, it feels like an overdose of sugar and everything sweet. He hasn’t done this with Momoshiro in a very long time, so Kaidoh’s pretty happy at the moment.

“Yeah, let’s play again,” Momoshiro says in a low voice, one that gives Kaidoh even more butterflies in his stomach.

Kaidoh nods his head, unable to talk back, and then they both clean up their tennis equipment and leave the court together. Kaidoh sticks close to Momoshiro’s side. Or is it Momoshiro who is sticking to his side? Kaidoh can’t tell. In less than a second, it’s pretty obvious it’s Momoshiro who is sticking to his side, as he casually throws an arm around Kaidoh’s shoulder, pulling him close. Kaidoh’s just about to have his heart stop beating with this sneak attack. Now he’s sweating for a whole other reason.

“Man, I’m beat. How about you take me home?” Momoshiro jokes.

“Take yourself home,” Kaidoh replies, trying to keep up appearances of being in a foul mood as always. He’s anything but. With Momoshiro this close, it’s hard to focus on anything but the friction of their shirts, the warmth coming from Momoshiro’s body, and liking the way he presses against him. Kaidoh pushes his shoulder into him, as a way to show that he’s still Kaidoh, and Kaidoh is supposed to not like being touched-a big fat lie when it comes to Momoshiro; he definitely likes this.

When Momoshiro leans more and more of his weight onto Kaidoh’s body as they slowly walk away, Kaidoh’s thoughts start acting up again. Momoshiro is the one who came up with the rule to not touch each other … but he is most definitely touching Kaidoh right now.

“But I won, that means you need to do something nice for me.” This time, Momoshiro decides to lean his head against Kaidoh’s shoulder.

Suddenly there are warning bells ringing in Kaidoh’s head. Or maybe those are just his ears buzzing. Buzzing because he’s getting overwhelmed at Momoshiro’s actions, the way he’s so casual around him, touching him so nonchalantly, like it’s always been this way, like Momoshiro wants to touch Kaidoh. He’s even asking Kaidoh to take him home.

Isn’t this completely unlike the Momoshiro he met at the beginning of college? The one that called him gross if he touched him just once?

Kaidoh gulps. Maybe … maybe Momoshiro has changed. Or at least, his feelings have. Much like Kaidoh’s feelings changed. And maybe … maybe their feelings are the same. If Momoshiro is voluntarily touching Kaidoh, that means he wants to, right? Just like Kaidoh wants to …

“W-when the hell did we agree to that?” Kaidoh says with a nervous hiss. He hopes it’s not obvious that Momoshiro has this big of an effect on him. How much he turns him into this bumbling fool that stutters and blushes whenever Momoshiro does something or says something. Ahh, why does that idiot insist on keeping his head there!? It’s torture! Kaidoh wants to pull him even closer like this.

“Hmm, now?” Momoshiro chuckles.

Because Momoshiro’s head is on Kaidoh’s shoulder, his voice is super close, meaning his laughter rings through Kaidoh’s ears. It takes every ounce of self control to not push Momoshiro off him right now and kiss him instead. Kaidoh doesn’t even know where the urge comes from, but Momoshiro’s laughter just does funny things to him. Like think it’s a good idea to kiss Momoshiro, and that maybe he wouldn’t protest, maybe he even wants to, too.

But that’s a scary thought, and Kaidoh stops himself in time and shrugs Momoshiro off of him before it gets too dangerous. If Momoshiro continues to hang all over him like this, Kaidoh’s pretty sure he’s going to do something stupid. Or say something stupid. So he quickens his pace to walk ahead of Momoshiro, to cool down his racing heart, and give his cheeks a break from blushing so much. He hates how almost everything Momoshiro does nowadays makes him turn red.

Kaidoh didn’t expect to be tackled down from behind by Momoshiro. “Gotcha!” Momoshiro yells as he jumps down on Kaidoh’s back. Unprepared for such an attack, Kaidoh falls down-they both fall down, rolling along the small grass hill until they come to a stop. Their bags are carelessly lying in the grass behind them. Momoshiro is laughing, which in turn does funny things to Kaidoh again and before he knows it, Kaidoh’s crawled on top of him, fingers dug into his shirt, and hissing in his face.

It’s all Momoshiro’s fault. For making him feel these funny and weird things that Kaidoh can’t make sense of. And by doing all these things, like throwing an arm around his shoulder, or leaning his head against him, or giving him fistbumps, or sending him silly text messages, it’s making Kaidoh think that Momoshiro wants to … that he wants to …

Well, something. He wants something from Kaidoh.

Just like how Kaidoh wants something from Momoshiro.

“Get off, you’re too heavy,” Momoshiro complains and manages to throw Kaidoh off.

Still stunned and caught off guard by the tackle, Kaidoh lies in the grass, staring at the orange sky, trying to keep his heart from bursting out of his chest. Or trying to prevent himself from doing weird impulsive things, like reach for Momoshiro’s hand, which is resting next to his. Or bump his shoulder into him. Or touch his hair. Or smile at him. Or kiss him.

Too many feelings …

“I don’t want to move an inch,” Momoshiro says with a sigh.

To be honest, Kaidoh doesn’t want to either. He’s perfectly content lying here with Momoshiro like this. He doesn’t want the day to be over yet. But all good things must come to an end. “You’re going to have to eventually,” he grumbles. This day will have to come to an end, but Kaidoh doesn’t want it to. He wants to spend more time with Momoshiro. He’s missed him.

Wait what-missed him?

Kaidoh bites down on his lip, and peeks at Momoshiro through the tall blades of grass. He missed that idiot? Well … to be honest … he did. He missed seeing his stupid gelled hair. He missed seeing his stupid grin. He missed hearing that annoying voice, that intoxicating laugh. He’s missed fighting with him. And he’s missed touching him. Yes, Kaidoh can’t get away with lying this time; he’s missed Momoshiro for those few long days that they were apart.

Suddenly Momoshiro’s hand makes contact with Kaidoh’s, his knuckles brushing up against Kaidoh by accident. Surprisingly, Kaidoh doesn’t pull away, he doesn’t even stop staring at Momoshiro like some kind of stalker. Not even when Momoshiro turns his head to look at Kaidoh as well is enough to deter him from staring at Momoshiro.

Looking into Momoshiro’s eyes always makes Kaidoh feel weak, and yet at the same time, it’s filling up his head with all these could-be and what-if scenarios. What if Momoshiro missed him too? Could it be that Momoshiro wants to stay with him as well?

What if Kaidoh’s not the only one who has the urge to kiss?

It seems like they’re having a conversation with their eyes, no words spoken, only stares are exchanged. Momoshiro won’t look away, and Kaidoh doesn’t dare to either. This isn’t a stare-down, one they’ve had many times before, this is something else. Kaidoh doesn’t understand what exactly it is, but he feels like something’s about to happen if they keep looking at each other like this, like this pressure just keeps on building up between them, and sooner or later, it will come unraveled. Why won’t Momoshiro look away? Could it be … he doesn’t want to? Just like Kaidoh doesn’t want to look away?

Could Momoshiro want the same things as Kaidoh?

He’s not just imagining it, right?

No … when Kaidoh looks back on it as a whole, Momoshiro has definitely acted like he wanted to break his own rules, and already has multiple times. He might have said those things all those months ago, but right now, Momoshiro might be thinking and feeling the same things as Kaidoh.

Not that he knows for sure, but Momoshiro isn’t looking away, so Kaidoh will take this as a good sign.

Alright, if Momoshiro breaks eye-contact within the next minute, then Kaidoh will admit that he’s just letting his imagination get the better of him, making him believe things like how Momoshiro might want to touch him too, or be with him in general. But … if Momoshiro keeps looking at him … if he’ll touch Kaidoh on his own accord-then Kaidoh won’t be able to hold back.

So Kaidoh waits, blinking at Momoshiro, anxious if he’s going to look away or not.

Momoshiro shifts a bit in the grass, but his eyes never leave Kaidoh’s. And then, suddenly, Momoshiro’s hand moves. It slides up against Kaidoh’s shirt, until Momoshiro’s fingertips graze Kaidoh’s chin.

Kaidoh lets out a shaky breath; this is seriously taking a toll on him. Momoshiro is looking at him. Momoshiro is touching him. Oh dear god, Momoshiro’s fingers are touching his bright red cheek! Kaidoh doesn’t know what to do. What does he do!? All his insides are screaming at him, all obnoxious and loud, and Kaidoh can’t make any sense of it. All he knows that Momoshiro is touching his cheek, and he’s chuckling at him-that magical laugh.

Momoshiro’s hand is on his cheek. There’s no way Momoshiro would ever do this unless … unless …

“Stupid,” Momoshiro says with that delightful chuckle again. His fingertips slowly brush up and down against Kaidoh’s cheek, which causes his heart to go out of control. Can Momoshiro hear it? The way he’s controlling his heart? His emotions? He’s a complete mess. “I told you I had sunscreen with me.”

Something takes control of Kaidoh’s body. Perhaps he’s under some kind of spell, a spell that was performed on him by Momoshiro’s fingers. Whatever it is, Kaidoh covers Momoshiro’s hand with his own, forcing him to cup the entire side of his face, so that he can’t pull it back. Momoshiro’s eyes widen in surprise, but he’s not looking away, he’s not pulling away, he’s not calling Kaidoh gross, he’s not calling Kaidoh anything-and Kaidoh takes this as a sign.

A sign that Momoshiro wants this too.

So Kaidoh musters up all the courage in the world, temporarily feeling like a fearless lion, spurred on by Momoshiro’s closeness and his gaze, and he leans closer. Closer across the field of grass, until his face is right next to Momoshiro’s, who hasn’t moved an inch, and Kaidoh does it. He presses his mouth against Momoshiro’s, and this time, Momoshiro is wide awake.

Kaidoh Kaoru is kissing Momoshiro Takeshi entirely on his own volition, and the only thing he can really focus on is that Momoshiro’s lips feel squishy and warm. Probably the closest graphical representation of his mind right now would be colourful sparkles exploding into cats and hearts.

And just as abruptly, his entire body feels like it’s been dunked into a bucket full of ice when Momoshiro’s hands give a forceful push at Kaidoh’s chest, knocking the breath out of him. Momoshiro’s entire face is red, and he’s rubbing the back of his hand against his lips, like he’s disgusted with what Kaidoh did.

“What the hell, Kaidoh!” Momoshiro yells. There’s confusion written all over his face.

…

Oh shit.

R … run!

Before he can die of humiliation, of rejection and embarrassment, Kaidoh manages to pick himself up from the ground-he has no idea how he even pulled that off as everything in his body has turned to stone-and he reaches for his bag to grab it. He throws it over his back and turns on his heel, almost tripping over his feet-his back feels like it’s drenched in cold sweat-and he runs. Runs faster than he’s ever run before.

Kissing Momoshiro Takeshi was a mistake. A humiliating mistake.

oOo

Kaidoh has come to terms with never speaking to Momoshiro again.

He has also decided to switch rooms, a decision he still has not made final yet because he’s a wuss, and is scared of even thinking about it. Because thinking reminds him of what he did, the guilt and humiliation and rejection that came from it is enough to make Kaidoh crawl back into bed and forget the world even exists. And not even go running. Ever.

Everything suddenly reminds him of what he did that day. Even looking at himself in the mirror is enough to disgust himself with what he did. And even though he’s turned his phone off-in fear of Momoshiro calling him-it still gives him this nervous and anxious feeling in the pit of his stomach the moment he sees it lying on his nightstand. Like it’s a constant reminder that Momoshiro is probably trying to contact him, and he probably wants to punch Kaidoh’s face in. Or maybe he wants to kill him, that could be it, too.

Even Kaidoh sort of wants to kill himself right about now. He doesn’t know what came over him, why he thought it was a good idea …. Why he even did it. Why he thought Momoshiro wouldn’t mind. Everything that seemed like a hint or sign that Momoshiro might like it too-they all suddenly vanished, and now Kaidoh is left wondering if he made them all up before. If he was hallucinating half the time he spent with Momoshiro, conjuring up these crazy fantasies that maybe, Momoshiro wants it too.

It’s sickening.

What is wrong with him? Kaidoh shouldn’t be feeling this way towards Momoshiro. They’re guys after all, right? Even his brother, has gotten a girlfriend. So why is Kaidoh the odd one out?

Well, it doesn’t matter. Because Kaidoh has pretty much ruined whatever he had with Momoshiro. He won’t ever see him again. Kaidoh will disappear out of Momoshiro’s life, just the way he probably wants it to be, if the strength of that push was any indication, Momoshiro definitely does not want to be around Kaidoh.

So Kaidoh does something he’s pretty good at. Avoiding Momoshiro, that is.

The rest of his vacation passes by in a blink, and Kaidoh hardly has any memories from it-something about going clam digging on a beach with his family-and the only memory he does remember, is the one he desperately wants to forget.

Kaidoh wondered if perhaps, he can act like it never happened. But that’s a stupid idea, and Momoshiro would still punch him in the face, and tell him he hates him, and to get lost and never show his face around again. It makes Kaidoh want to throw up. All those fizzly and warm feelings had felt pleasant before have now all turned upside down, and makes Kaidoh feel like he’s seasick and he’s on the verge of always throwing up. Most of all, aside from feeling sick, Kaidoh also feels a regrettable amount of hurt. He doesn’t want to admit it, but the pain in his chest and stomach is hard to ignore, and the way Momoshiro pushed him away stings more than it should. It really fucking stings. It’s the worst thing ever.

Scratch that, trying to muster up the courage to go back into his dorm room is the worst thing ever. Kaidoh can’t do it. But he has to, because summer vacation is over, and he needs a place to sleep at, or t least dump his stuff. Though sleeping outside now looks very, very tempting, and hell, Kaidoh’s slept outside before! But he knows Momoshiro will be waiting for him, and Kaidoh is too terrified at the reality of seeing him again after running off like that. He can’t keep his heartbeat nor breathing steady-and he hasn’t even entered the building yet!

What’s the worst thing that can happen anyway? Kaidoh’s already been rejected and humiliated, and made himself look like a fool-but then he realized he would still feel all those things as soon as he sees Momoshiro again. And then he’d get punched in the face.

So yeah, he’d rather avoid that right now.

Kaidoh ends up lingering around (running of course) until he’s really out of energy and returns to the dorm rooms to at least return his belongings that he’s been carrying around all this time. It’s five in the morning; hopefully that dumbass is asleep. Because if he’s not, shit, Kaidoh doesn’t know what to do. Run away? Scream? Brace himself for the impact of his bone crushing under Momoshiro’s knuckles? Something at least.

Tiptoeing around, Kaidoh sneaks into the building. It’s pitch black and eerily quiet. It makes Kaidoh feel like he’s in some kind of horror movies, and while he might protest the notion to save some of his dignity-Kaidoh does not like horror movies.

Not that he has any dignity left after what he did to Momoshiro.

Ugh, he needs to stop thinking about. Just open the door, dump his stuff, run away, and find a park bench to sleep on outside. It all sounds so simple in his head, so why does his body not seem to be able to move anymore? Kaidoh’s hand is frozen on the door handle, as if someone pressed the pause button to freeze him in mid-action. All sorts of thoughts race through his mind; what if Momoshiro is actually awake? What if he’s not even in the room, but he’s actually outside on the hallway, waiting for Kaidoh to return and be able to ambush him? What if Momoshiro already made the decision to change rooms, and now he’s already living with his other roommate, and Kaidoh’s just being a big dumb fool for being scared of entering an empty room? He gulps, then pushes down the handle.

In a lightning fast reaction, Kaidoh shoves his bag inside, and slams the door shut.

Then he runs away.

Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit-Momoshiro was sleeping in there! He heard him snore! The thought alone makes him want to run away forever.

Which is what he ends up doing. Kaidoh runs all throughout the night, not even getting a wink of sleep, and attends his classes like normal.

Well, what you can call normal.

oOo

Kaidoh’s been ducking behind potted plants and trashcans all day long, when he thinks he spots Momoshiro that is. This means that anytime a black haired person with wax in their hair walks by, Kaidoh lets out a squeak and skitters off like a mouse. Good thing he’s pretty damn good at running. Not that his is something he should be bragging about now.

Even doing club activities isn’t enough to distract Kaidoh from the eventual run-in with Momoshiro that is waiting to happen. He feels paranoid, as if Momoshiro is spying on him all day long, waiting for his chance to jump out of the shadows and beat the crap out of Kaidoh. If that were to happen, Kaidoh would probably die of a heart attack before Momoshiro could even land a hit on him. His heart already feels like it’s going to burst and shatter at the slightest provocation.

Kaidoh is seriously mustering up the courage to go to the landlord, and ask to switch dorm rooms. There’s simply no way he can live there still. Not with him and Momoshiro in the same room. It would end up like some sort of bloodbath-like a murder scene from a movie.

Besides, that room holds way too many memories that Kaidoh would rather forget about. He wonders if he can hit himself in the head with a rock to knock those memories right outta there.

That would probably only leave him with a headache though, so Kaidoh doesn’t do it. He just trains, trains all day long, even after club activities have stopped for the day, and the sun has already set. What else is he supposed to do? Go back to the room and see Momoshiro? That’s horrifying. No, Kaidoh would much rather stay out here, jumping some stupid rope, all alone, not seeing Momoshiro at all.

“Practicing late?”

What th-Kaidoh’s so startled he mistimes his jump, and his foot hooks around the rope, which throws himself off balance, and falls down on the grass-face first. His heart feels like it’s been face planted as well; that was most definitely …

Momoshiro. Oh shit.

Kaidoh frantically scrambles to get up as nausea settles in his stomach, accidentally facing Momoshiro as he does so, and when he sees him, his blood runs cold. He could have been a damn zombie with the way his heart literally stopped dead in its tracks. Move he tells himself, and Kaidoh does; he runs away.

Oh crap-that’s really Momoshiro! He sought Kaidoh out, and now he’s going to tell him how disgusting he is, and how much he hates him, and how he’ll beat him up so much he’ll land in a hospital. He can’t face him right now-Kaidoh isn’t ready! Kaidoh’s feet send him soaring through the campus, but unfortunately, those are not the only pair of feet running on campus. He doesn’t even need to look back; he knows Momoshiro is chasing him, especially when he’s telling Kaidoh to stop running away.

Over his dead body!

Kaidoh flees to a nearby park, hoping to lose him there.

“Stop running you asshole!” Momoshiro yells at him from afar.

No fucking way!

“Kaidoh!”

Go away. Go away. Go away.

Kaidoh’s too freaked out to face Momoshiro after spending each day in a mortified and humiliated state. He can’t. He doesn’t want to know what Momoshiro has to say to him, the hurtful words that’d be coming out of his mouth. Things like how disgusting it was, how grossed out Momoshiro is with Kaidoh, and how much he hates Kaidoh now. Kaidoh would rather die first before hearing what Momoshiro has to say. He’ll take this to the grave.

But unfortunately, Momoshiro is a stubborn old asshole that won’t give up, and somehow-like some idiot cosplaying a cowboy-he’s thrown the jumprope around Kaidoh’s ankles, and it gets all tangled up before Kaidoh falls down yet again.

He doesn’t get up this time, he’s too terrified to move anymore. Kaidoh reverts into this child-like state where he thinks that if he just makes himself small enough on the ground, Momoshiro won’t see him. He won’t talk to him. He’s so deathly afraid of confrontation, yet he’s too petrified to pick himself up and run away again. Wishing the ground would open and swallow him up, Kaidoh buries his head into the dirt, eyes squeezed shut tight, and his blood is frantically pumping through him, sending out distress signals to his head. But no matter how hard he shuts his eyes, he can still picture Momoshiro’s scorning look in his head. The look of disgust that would probably be on his face.

Fight or flight, what does he do?

Kaidoh doesn’t know. He really doesn’t know. Just please go away … please don’t acknowledge he even exists.

He can hear Momoshiro walk up to him. “Why the hell are you running away from me!?” Momoshiro demands to know. His voice sounds super close, so Kaidoh guesses he’s standing in front of him, and this is so humiliating Kaidoh wishes he could die. He feels so damn queasy.

When Momoshiro nudges him in his side with his foot, Kaidoh squawks out loud in surprise, and he quickly shields his entire body with his arms. Even if it’s dark outside, Kaidoh won’t take any chances.

“D-don’t look at me,” Kaidoh says. It’s too hard, it’s too scary. Everything is written on his face, and he can be read like an open book. Momoshiro just needs to take one good look, and he can see how scared Kaidoh is. How petrified and anxious he is of Momoshiro’s response. How Kaidoh realizes what he’s done, and no, it wasn’t a joke. It never was. It was all real, all true to his feelings, and Kaidoh feels disgusted with himself for having them, and for acting upon them.

“Huh?” Momoshiro bends down to Kaidoh’s level, and this is sending his heart racing painfully. Oh shit, he’s really going to tell Kaidoh that he’s disgusted with him, isn’t he? “What are you doing? Get up.” Suddenly Kaidoh can feel Momoshiro’s fingers wrap around his wrist, and this raises all these warning flags up in his head.

“Don’t touch me!” he yells at Momoshiro with a hiss, yanking his wrist out of Momoshiro’s grip. “I told you not to look at me!” He covers his head with both his arms now, hoping to prevent Momoshiro from looking at him.

“What the hell Kaidoh-what is wrong with you?” Momoshiro asks exasperated.

“Just leave me alone-go away,” Kaidoh says, almost pleading. He hisses in frustration.

“Why? Just do you can ignore me again? I don’t think so. How about you tell me why you’ve been avoiding me, huh.”

Isn’t that fucking obvious!? Kaidoh growls and is considering punching Momoshiro before he punches Kaidoh first, then run like hell. He shields his head again when he sees Momoshiro move to take a better look at him. The asshole. Why doesn’t he leave him alone?

“You’re not even going to talk to me right now?” Damn straight, Kaidoh can’t get a word out anyhow. “Fucking asshole, I’m going to kick your ass.” Well, that’s what Kaidoh’s been bracing himself for all this time, dumbass.

Even though Kaidoh was preparing himself for the inevitable contact of Momoshiro’s fist-he stills yelps loudly when Momoshiro does touch him. But it isn’t a punch. He’s grabbed hold of Kaidoh’s wrist again, and he’s trying to tug it away from Kaidoh’s cowering face. No! He can’t let Momoshiro see!

“Let go! Can’t you just fucking leave me alone!?” The desperation in his voice is dripping from each word, Kaidoh really is losing it. If Momoshiro looks at him … if he sees all the secrets on his face … if Kaidoh looks at Momoshiro … seeing the disgust on his face, quite honestly, Kaidoh wouldn’t be able to handle it. He’d rather endure a beating that lasts for hours, than to look Momoshiro in the eye.

But then Momoshiro does manage to pull Kaidoh’s arm away from his face-it was his last line of defense, and now Momoshiro can see everything written on Kaidoh’s face. His face is red, a deep dark red that even in the night could easily be spotted. Kaidoh wants to punch Momoshiro and run away, but he’s too weak under Momoshiro’s eyes. He’s so damn afraid of what is about to come.

“Why …” Momoshiro starts slowly, lowering his hand along with Kaidoh’s wrist. Please go away. Please leave Kaidoh alone. Please let him wail in his own misery. “Did you do that?”

Do what?

But who is Kaidoh kidding; he knows exactly what Momoshiro means. How could he possibly forget what he’s done when it’s the one thing that’s been plaguing his mind every minute of the day? He regrets it so much.

“I didn’t do anything …” Kaidoh grumbles, hoping that if he pretends nothing happened, nothing really did happen. Maybe he can fool Momoshiro if he can fool himself as well. He tries to get his wrist back from Momoshiro’s hold-the contact of Momoshiro’s hand on his own skin feels like he’s being burned-but Momoshiro tugs it back and tightens his grip; he’s not going to let go. Probably doesn’t want Kaidoh to run off so he can set him straight once and for all.

Anything but that, please. Kaidoh just wants to be left alone now, and never ever look at Momoshiro again. Even now, he’s desperately trying to hide his face with his other arm.

“Yeah right,” Momoshiro huffs. “Don’t play dumb and avoid the subject. You’ve done enough avoiding already, and it’s seriously pissing me off.”

Here it comes-he’s going to say he hates Kaidoh, then punch him, and call him disgusting, and Kaidoh would have to go die.

“Nothing happened, there’s nothing to avoid,” Kaidoh lies. He’s still hoping and praying he can pretend nothing happened, and then maybe, Momoshiro will give up and not say anything at all.

“And now you’re denying it even happened? What the hell Kaidoh. Stop it, you’re being an annoying douchebag. Why can’t you just tell me!?” Momoshiro tugs on Kaidoh’s wrist again.

“It was a mistake!” Kaidoh blurts out, and his eyes grow large when he realizes what he’s said. “N-now let me go!” Please!

Momoshiro doesn’t let Kaidoh go, but he doesn’t say anything either, just sits and stares at Kaidoh, and this is making everything seem ten times worse. What is he thinking? What is he going to do? Is he going to hit Kaidoh or not? Just do something already, don’t just sit there!

Momoshiro’s grip on Kaidoh’s wrist loosens, and Kaidoh takes his chance and rips it out of Momoshiro’s hold. “A mistake?” Momoshiro asks.

Kaidoh quickly backs up, hugging his wrist to his chest as if it’s been mutilated, and finally gathers enough strength to get up from the ground. He turns his back to Momoshiro; he can’t let him see Kaidoh. Can’t let him see this pathetic and whimpering and wimpy side of him; even his legs are shaking. The Kaidoh that is actually afraid, when he’s usually anything but. Yet, somehow, when it comes to this, he’s most definitely afraid of hearing Momoshiro’s words. Kaidoh doesn’t want to hear it. He wants to pretend it never happened, he wishes he never did it in the first place. It was all a mistake, a grave mistake. A stupid misunderstanding.

“It’s nothing,” Kaidoh bites out. He hopes that by saying this, Momoshiro will actually leave him alone and forget about it. Then maybe, Kaidoh won’t have to hear anything else. They can just, say their goodbyes, and never talk to each other again.

Yes, Kaidoh will remove himself from Momoshiro’s life, permanently. What he did messed everything up-he knows that. He has no idea why he thought it was okay to do, because obviously, Momoshiro is angry at him for it. Kaidoh won’t blame him; they are after all, guys. He’s not some pretty girl like Yuki, Hazue’s girlfriend. He’s just Kaidoh, Kaidoh who runs a lot, and is grumpy ninety percent of the time. And who would want to be kissed by a grump? Whatever signs he may have seen during the times he’s spent with Momoshiro, they were all misunderstandings. Momoshiro never liked spending time with Kaidoh, he probably thinks he’s a grump, too. Momoshiro happened to be one horny perverted dumbass, and Kaidoh happened to be his roommate. None of it meant anything. It didn’t matter that Momoshiro did this with Kaidoh-it could have been anyone else.

Kaidoh just happened to be there; he was the convenient guy to get free handjobs from.

And Kaidoh had this stupid, sick idea in his head, that it was the other way around. His stupid fluttery feelings made him feel like that Momoshiro didn’t want handjobs. That maybe, he wanted Kaidoh instead.

Obviously, he had been gravely mistaken.

“Forget about it,” Kaidoh mutters. Forget about it all. Please don’t ever remember what Kaidoh did-because Kaidoh certainly doesn’t want to remember the most humiliating moment of his life.

“I can’t.”

Of all the things Kaidoh’s relentless mind has imagined what Momoshiro would say to him-that wasn’t one of them.

Can’t? Momoshiro can’t forget? What does that mean? He can’t forget because it was so traumatizing he can’t get it out of his mind? Or he can’t forget because he doesn’t want to? Suddenly a hundred similar questions float through Kaidoh’s mind, and it’s giving him this weird sense of hope, like maybe Momoshiro didn’t hate it … maybe his initial suspicions were actually correct.

But no-Momoshiro pushed him away. That message couldn’t be more loud and clear.

So Kaidoh sighs, feeling his entire body shake. No more of this. No more false hope. “Don’t … don’t say things like that.” It makes Kaidoh even weaker than he already feels like. Momoshiro needs to stop messing with him by using strange words and simply punch him already. That would settle everything, instead of anxiously waiting for the punchline to come, and being subjected by Momoshiro’s odd behavior.

“Why not?” Momoshiro asks, completely oblivious.

Kaidoh grits his teeth. “Because I’ll …” Start having really vivid fantasies about Momoshiro. If Momoshiro keeps saying things like that, it’ll make Kaidoh too hopeful.. He’ll end up misunderstanding and misinterpreting Momoshiro’s words.

“You’ll …?” Momoshiro pushes for an answer.

No, he can’t say it. “Nothing,” Kaidoh says. Then he straightens up his back; he can still run away! He doesn’t have to stand there and take it, he can be a coward and run away. Yup, that’s exactly what he’ll do. “I’m going.”

“No!” Momoshiro suddenly flings himself at Kaidoh, and unprepared for such an attack, Kaidoh stumbles forward, almost tripping up yet again, but manages to steady himself and Momoshiro from falling. Momoshiro’s hands are twisted into his shirt, grabbing it tightly so he won’t be able to run away. “Tell me why you’re avoiding it! Why did you do it!?” Momoshiro asks in this urgent voice.

Why? Why Kaidoh did it? Kaidoh doesn’t really have an answer. His body had been wanting to for a while now, this weird and uncontrollable urge to simply press his lips against Momoshiro’s. He’d been able to suppress it, or at least, as much as Kaidoh could, but when he started thinking that perhaps … Momoshiro wanted it too …

Well, obviously Kaidoh had been wrong. It really was a mistake. One that he would like to forget now.

“Why won’t you even look at me?” Momoshiro sounds unhinged, or perhaps that’s Kaidoh’s wishful thinking, that maybe, Momoshiro feels as messed up as he does.

Kaidoh can’t look at Momoshiro. He can’t let him see his face. It’ll show everything. All of the feelings he’s tried to hide, his shame, his regret, his urges, his stupid butterfly feelings-Kaidoh can’t face him like this. If he would, Kaidoh doesn’t know what he’d do. What Momoshiro would do.

But most importantly, there’s still this part inside of him, this stupid guilty and shameful part of him, that wants to do it again. And if Kaidoh faces Momoshiro, he knows that disgusting part will surge up to the surface again, and who knows what he’ll be doing then. He doesn’t trust himself to control himself anymore, not after the first time went over so fantastically.

“Why!” Momoshiro demands to know again, shaking Kaidoh’s shirt. It’s sending chills down Kaidoh’s back.

“Because!” Kaidoh hastily shouts. “Because …” he says more softly this time. “When I look at you I …” Kaidoh promptly shuts his mouth; he’s said too much already.

He can feel Momoshiro lean closer to his back, and it’s slowly starting to get covered in cold sweat from the proximity. “You what?” Momoshiro tugs on Kaidoh’s shirt again, like a kid demanding for his candy. “You what, Kaidoh?”

Kaidoh hisses. “Nothing. Nevermind. Forget about it.”

“Like hell I will!” Momoshiro yells out. Then he hits Kaidoh in his back with his elbow-keeping him stunned long enough that he could circle around Kaidoh and stand in front of him for a direct confrontation. Momoshiro places both his hands on top of Kaidoh’s shoulders to keep him grounded, to prevent him from moving at all. His fingers digs into Kaidoh’s skin, and it actually hurts. But nothing hurts more than that dreaded feeling in his stomach, and that ache in his heart, knowing that what he did was not reciprocated.

Desperate to still hide himself from Momoshiro, Kaidoh turns his face away, blushing like mad still, and even shaking. Why can’t Momoshiro leave him alone!? Why must he always demand answers!? Why couldn’t he be stupid like he always is, and simply punch Kaidoh to get it over with. Kaidoh can deal with punches. Kaidoh can’t deal with this.

“Why can’t you look at me?” Momoshiro asks once more.

“I hate you …” Kaidoh grits out. “I really do.” He hates everything about Momoshiro, but the thing he hates the most, is that even he can’t fool himself into believing that. He doesn’t hate Momoshiro at all. No matter how irritating he is, how annoying his habits are-Kaidoh honestly does not hate a single thing about him. He can’t bring himself to. His stupid sparkly feelings prohibit him from hating anything about the moron. Instead, it makes everything almost seem endearing, sometimes it even makes Kaidoh happy.

“No you don’t,” Momoshiro points out. Kaidoh huffs, but doesn’t respond. “I want to know ...” And suddenly Momoshiro’s hands are all over Kaidoh’s face, heat flares up to his cheeks, and renders Kaidoh speechless. Momoshiro forces him to turn his head to face him, but everything feels rigid like he’s some sort of robot, and Kaidoh tries to protest-he really tries to, but the feeling of Momoshiro’s warm hands on his face is overwhelming, and gentle, and it feels like it’s all he ever wanted. Kaidoh feels completely at war with himself here, as there’s this spark shooting through him that’s making him want to stay, yet he still remembers what happened the last time Momoshiro’s hands touched him, and that makes him want to run away.

Eventually, he does end up facing Momoshiro, but his eyes will look at anything but him. He can’t. Simply can’t.

“Why?” Momoshiro asks, his voice suddenly all serious.

It’s all Momoshiro’s fault, Kaidoh thinks. That’s why. He’s the one that made Kaidoh feel like this, to have this unexplainable feeling well up inside of him, making him have weird thoughts and urges he couldn’t keep under control. And the idiot doesn’t even realize it.

“You are such a clueless idiot,” Kaidoh says in frustration. “It’s all your fault!” If only he hadn’t … if only Momoshiro hadn’t … “If you hadn’t fallen asleep that time, I could have been fine without you!” Kaidoh barks at him.

“Huh, what are you talking about?” Momoshiro asks, sounding confused. “Are you still hung up about that? Geez, I already said I was sorry! What more do you want from me!?”

“You really don’t remember, do you.” Why does Momoshiro get to be lucky and not remember? Why can’t Kaidoh have been the one to have fallen asleep? Then this would have never happened, then he’d never have these feelings for Momoshiro, and he’d never be here talking to him in this mortified state.

“Remember what?”

Kaidoh hisses. He wishes Momoshiro would stop holding his face already, because it’s encouraging him to be more talkative, and that’s a very bad thing. “You … fell asleep on me like a dumb oaf.” And kissed him. And then Kaidoh hugged him, like he didn’t have a care in the world. Then he kissed him too.

By then, he had already crossed the line, there was no turning back. Something inside of Kaidoh had started growing. Or perhaps, it had always been there before, staying dormant and hidden away, until Momoshiro’s lips hit his, and it sprang into life. And since then, it’s done nothing but grow larger and larger. Even now, when Kaidoh’s so desperately trying not to look at him, and to prevent himself from feeling too much-it’s still there. It’s still craving Momoshiro’s touch, it’s still making him shake and tremble in front of the person that caused it all.

Stupid fucking Momoshiro. Kaidoh really wants to hate him.

“Yeah, so fucking what?” Momoshiro says and huffs out loud.

Kaidoh shifts his weight around on his feet-he feels like he can’t stay upright much longer. “You fell asleep … on me.” Kaidoh can’t say it outright. Because if he’ll do, then he’ll have to say the K word, and that’s the word he’ll definitely never say out loud in front of Momoshiro.

“…And?”

“Ugh, stupid moron. It doesn’t matter. Let me go already.” Kaidoh shakes his head, hoping to throw Momoshiro’s hands off of him, but to no avail. Momoshiro won’t let him go.

In fact, Momoshiro squashes his hands hard against Kaidoh’s cheeks, preventing him from moving at all. And then suddenly there’s a tug, and Kaidoh’s face is moving forwards, until unexpectantly his lips are being touched by Momoshiro’s. In an instant, Kaidoh has forgotten all about not looking at Momoshiro, and his eyes fly wide open and stare at Momoshiro in shock, before hastily pushing himself away from Momoshiro, as far away as he can.

His heart is beating like a painful drum. “What the hell, Momoshiro?” What the ever loving fuck?

“Well-you did it too!” Momoshiro explains impatiently. “I figured if I did it too, then maybe I’d know why you did it.”

Kaidoh simply looks at Momoshiro, completely flabbergasted; he can’t process what happened. It feels like some kind of stupid joke.

Momoshiro just kissed him.

“So why did you do it?” Momoshiro asks, suddenly looking away from Kaidoh.

No, don’t think too much of it, Kaidoh, don’t misunderstand again. Momoshiro might have just kissed him, but that’s only because he’s fucking with Kaidoh. Yeah. He’s messing with him. This is a thousand times more worse than a punch-a kiss that didn’t mean a damn thing.

“Why?” Kaidoh repeats, sounding angry.

“Yeah, why.”

“I …” Kaidoh stops, suddenly remembering he’s supposed to be a coward, and not tell Momoshiro anything at all. “Mis … misunderstood.” Oh yeah, he definitely misunderstood. Which is why Kaidoh is not allowing himself to misunderstand the kiss that happened only seconds ago. It didn’t happen because Momoshiro wanted to. It didn’t happen for the same reasons Kaidoh had. And that’s why he can’t view it as anything else but another way to mess with him, because Momoshiro sure loves doing that. Fuck him.

“You misunderstood what exactly?”

Kaidoh hisses awkwardly and stares at the ground. Why is Momoshiro still questioning him? Hasn’t he had this fun already? Does he really feel the need to torment Kaidoh any further? That stupid fleeting kiss was already torment enough for his entire life. He wants to punch Momoshiro for doing it, but feels weird about it, since Momoshiro hasn’t punched him yet for the one Kaidoh gave him. And his lips still feel all tingly and pleasant, and it’s wrecking his heart.

The only thing Momoshiro seems interested in right now, is finding out why Kaidoh did it in the first place. Perhaps he’d like some answers first, then he’ll punch him. But it’s not like Kaidoh can explain-hell will freeze over first before he will talk to Momoshiro about any of his feelings for him. But then again, at that moment, Kaidoh really did think he wasn’t alone. In that hazy afterglow of the sunset, with Momoshiro looking at him like he was the only thing that mattered, with Momoshiro’s hand on his face, touching him voluntarily, everything had pointed into the direction of Momoshiro also … “I thought you …” Kaidoh says, trailing off.

“Thought I what?” Momoshiro takes a step closer, and Kaidoh doesn’t even attempt to run away this time, though he still won’t look at him directly.

Stupid persistent Momoshiro, Kaidoh is unable to resist him like this any longer. The more he questions Kaidoh, the more Kaidoh will crack under pressure. “You wanted to …” Kaidoh sucks in a breath, “too.”

There, he said it.

“Me?” Momoshiro repeats in this incredulous voice. “What, how’d you get that idea-wait, too?”

Kaidoh grunts, and snaps his head up at Momoshiro, glaring at him. The stupid fucking idiot-does he not get it still? How much clearer can Kaidoh get his message across?

Well, regardless, Kaidoh prefers if Momoshiro doesn’t know at all, he can continue to act like a clueless moron, and perhaps he can forget about everything, and they can go back to normal. Yes, Kaidoh would definitely prefer this.

“I said forget about it …” Kaidoh says slowly. Momoshiro’s still looking at him, and it’s driving his anxiety up the wall. “It doesn’t matter. It was a mistake. Yeah, a stupid one.” Stupid is probably the biggest understatement of the year.

Momoshiro quickly starts glaring back at Kaidoh. “You’re the stupid one!”

Something settles down inside of Kaidoh, like a storm finally coming to an end. Momoshiro yelling at him is something that is normal, a routine; Kaidoh can deal with that. A questioning Momoshiro who randomly kisses him is definitely not something he knows how to deal with, so seeing Momoshiro say something stupid to pick a fight with him, sets him at ease. So he engages it, even if only to further the delusion that things can be okay between the both of them.

“Asshole, why don’t you go jump off a bridge and leave me alone already.” The insult feels natural, and Kaidoh even hisses without stuttering.

“I’ll only jump if you’ll jump.”

His nausea subsides a little; please keep on arguing with him like this. “Then you’ll be waiting for an eternity. I’ll just push you off, okay?”

“I’ll drag you down with me.”

“Even when you’re plummeting to your death you’re still an asshole.” But honestly, Kaidoh likes that Momoshiro is an asshole.

“At least I don’t regret any of my mistakes.”

“Your entire life has been a mistake,” Kaidoh says with a huff. Perhaps, maybe-they can be normal again? Can he really hope for that? With their regular banter like this, it feels like nothing really happened between them.

“Watch your mouth Mamushi,” Momoshiro warns.

His nickname makes Kaidoh’s heart pound hopefully. Yeah, maybe they can go back to normal. Maybe Kaidoh’s fears of Momoshiro calling him disgusting and never wanting to see him again had just been that, irrational fears. He might have mistaken Momoshiro’s intentions at first, but perhaps Kaidoh doesn’t have to suffer for his mistake; they can fight like normal if they forget it even happened.

“Or what?” he challenges back. Kaidoh will take any threat from Momoshiro as long as he isn’t telling him to get out of his life forever.

“Or …” Momoshiro bites his lip. “This time, it won’t be a mistake.”

“Huh?” Kaidoh straightens up, suddenly forgetting about his bundle of nerves. “What are you talking about?”

“Hey, let’s go back to our room already, I’m pretty sure you don’t enjoy hanging out here in this park late at night.” Momoshiro smirks at him.

Kaidoh feels like he’s rushing through a tunnel, wind blowing all around him, making him confused, frazzled, and he has no idea where the end is. He doesn’t know how this will end, this thing between him and Momoshiro, but simply hearing those words-let’s go back to our room-is enough to make Kaidoh breathe out a sigh in relief. A heavy weight is lifted off his shoulders, and he’s thankful, no-extremely grateful, that Momoshiro is willing to overlook this, to pretend it didn’t happen. That he is still willing to speak to Kaidoh, and even sleep with him in the same room. That he hadn’t called him disgusting, or punched him, or did any of the things that Kaidoh’s mind kept imagining.

No, Momoshiro is smirking at him, talking to him like on any other day. Like everything is normal.

Well, if Momoshiro thinks it’s normal, then Kaidoh will too.

“Y-yeah … okay.” Kaidoh curses himself for stuttering, but he can’t help still feeling on edge. Like Momoshiro is going to turn around, laugh in his face, and call him disgusting either way. But he’ll take what he can get right now, and slowly creeps towards Momoshiro, still feeling out of his element.

“Oh, and one last thing, Kaidoh,” Momoshiro says.

Kaidoh braces himself, holding his breath. “W-what?” he asks, completely nervous again.

“When we get back, you better suck me off this time.”

What the fuck. “Asshole, I told you that’s not what mouths are for!” Kaidoh yells back without even thinking about it.

Momoshiro simply snickers and starts to walk away. Kaidoh is stumped, and completely exhausted. Is that it? Is that the confrontation that he’d been dreading so much? Momoshiro didn’t even punch him, or call him disgusting-or any of the things he’s imagined. No, he’s simply … being Momoshiro again.

And that’s more than Kaidoh could have asked for. Perhaps, he doesn’t need to change roommates after all … so he chases after Momoshiro.

oOo

“What are you doing?” Momoshiro asks, eyeing Kaidoh who is standing near the door, with his arms awkwardly hugging his own sides.

“N-nothing,” Kaidoh says nervously. Even though Momoshiro is acting normally again, Kaidoh still feels this unresolved tension between them, like it’s impossible for Kaidoh to act normal too, especially when Kaidoh’s unsure what normal even means now.

“Stop doing nothing then,” Momoshiro remarks with a huff. He sounds impatient, like he’s waiting for Kaidoh to do something. The thought alone terrifies Kaidoh-what the hell is he waiting for then!?

Kaidoh hisses in frustration, letting his arms drop to his sides naturally, and opting to stare at the floor instead. He doesn’t know what to do. Is he supposed to forget about it all? Not ever mention it? Don’t ever talk about it? Now that it happened, with so many of Momoshiro’s rules broken, Kaidoh feels like they need new ones, because otherwise, Kaidoh can’t function. He’s too scared of doing anything at the moment. Though on the other hand, he’s pretty glad Momoshiro hasn’t kicked him out, and he’s still acting like the dumbass he always is. It makes Kaidoh want to smile, but then he remembers the awkward situation they’re in, and he starts to hug his sides all defensively again.

“Seriously, stop that, it’s annoying,” Momoshiro says, looking over at Kaidoh again. “Just unpack your shit already, it’s been bothering me all day long seeing that bag sitting at your bed.”

Kaidoh moves away from the wall at lightning speed, hurrying over towards his bag, like it’s evidence that quickly needs to be covered up, otherwise it’ll remind the both of them why it’s been sitting there unpacked, and Kaidoh would rather avoid another confrontation. Quickly opening up his bag, Kaidoh takes out some of his books and clothes, keeping his back turned to Momoshiro. Even though he did that, he can still feel Momoshiro’s eyes on him, it’s making his stomach do flip flops, and it’s a bit nauseating. Why must he torture Kaidoh so?

With Momoshiro’s eyes on him, Kaidoh becomes excruciatingly slower, his movements almost robotic.

“Ahh-you’re taking too long! Let me help.” Suddenly Momoshiro is at Kaidoh’s side, and his hands are all over his bag, taking out more books, and his arm slides up against Kaidoh’s.

Kaidoh’s face flushes with red; what the hell is that idiot doing!? Isn’t this super awkward right now!? He hisses at the idiot. “Don’t, I can do it myself,” he grumbles.

“Shut up, you’re too slow. Accept my help, you stupid snake.” Momoshiro prods his elbow into Kaidoh’s arm, before he turns towards Kaidoh’s desk and shoves his books into his drawer. Kaidoh wants to protest that those don’t go there, and they go on the shelf instead, but he’s feeling a bit too overrun with butterflies to really respond anymore. Instead, he begrudgingly accepts Momoshiro’s stupid help.

Even if it is awkward as hell, and Kaidoh’s hyperaware of how close he is, and how much Kaidoh feels the urge to touch him.

No, bad Kaidoh-those are bad feelings. He can’t touch Momoshiro willy-nilly anymore. Not after what happened last time.

When they’ve both completed the very mundane-yet completely awkward-task of cleaning out Kaidoh’s bag, Momoshiro turns to him. Probably to say something stupid, to insult Kaidoh for being so slow. Kaidoh gladly welcomes it, especially after he feels his cheeks being all red, and his fingers are shaking, and his legs are trembling. He could use the distraction of a fight with words.

Except Momoshiro doesn’t say anything. Simply continues to look Kaidoh right in the eye, making him extremely uncomfortable with the power of his gaze. What’s he doing? Is he waiting for Kaidoh to say thanks?

“Uhh …” Kaidoh pauses, still unsure. “You didn’t need to help … but uhm, thanks. I guess.” He scratches the back of his head.

Then all of the sudden, Momoshiro catches Kaidoh’s wrist, forcing it away from his head, and down to his side. Kaidoh doesn’t have much time to protest, because in less than a second, Momoshiro has drawn himself closer to Kaidoh, close enough for their chests to bump, and close enough for Momoshiro to smack his lips against Kaidoh’s.

This time, it’s instant; Kaidoh punches Momoshiro in the face.

“Ahh-what the fuck Kaidoh!” Momoshiro screams, holding his cheek with his hand and whimpering in front of Kaidoh.

It takes Kaidoh a few seconds to realize what happened, and what he did on instinct. Did Momoshiro … kiss him?

“What the hell Momoshiro-don’t just suddenly k-k … d-don’t just do that!” Kaidoh yells back at him, his nostrils flaring up and his cheeks turning even more red.

Momoshiro growls at him. “You’re the one that wanted to in the first place! Jesus Kaidoh, that fucking hurt.”

Kaidoh backs away and starts hugging his sides again, his cheeks betraying his embarrassment once more. His lip are all tingly and warm. “I … didn’t … say anything …” What is Momoshiro trying to say here? That he’ll kiss Kaidoh because Kaidoh wanted to?

What in the world is going on?

“Yeah you did, dumbass. Unless you’re saying you don’t want to all of the sudden.” Momoshiro rubs his cheek and gives Kaidoh a death glare.

Kaidoh spends a long time huddled away from Momoshiro, unable to look at him anymore, and trying to control his stupid blush, and those stupid butterflies flying around in his stomach. He hisses. Momoshiro is making everything weird again-perhaps Kaidoh was right after all, they can’t go back to normal. This is definitely not normal. He can’t tell if Momoshiro is fucking with him by spontaneously kissing him all the time, or if he’s genuinely … interested in it. No. That can’t be true-Momoshiro is simply fucking with him.

“Moron-you were the one that made up that rule!” Kaidoh fires back. Somehow, if he’s angry at Momoshiro, he manages to find his voice again, despite feeling infinitely embarrassed at the same time as well.

Momoshiro chews on his lips for a bit, and Kaidoh is strangely pulled in by the simple action, but he shakes those weird thoughts right out of his mind. Stupid Momoshiro. Stupid lips. Stupid feelings. Why can’t he stop being weird?

“When have you ever listened to me anyway!?” Momoshiro asks. He rubs his cheek one more time, then straightens up his back and faces Kaidoh head on. “Idiot,” he mutters.

Is he … ?

Did Momoshiro say-albeit in a rather roundabout way-that Kaidoh can go ahead and kiss him? There’s a rush of adrenaline shooting through Kaidoh’s veins at Momoshiro’s words, like he’s infected him with a virus, a virus that’s making him spin out of control. Kaidoh reacts completely on instinct when he yanks Momoshiro close to him by grabbing the collar of his shirt, and he smooches their faces together; lips awkwardly aligned. Then Kaidoh lets go of Momoshiro’s shirt, and pulls away, staring at him wide-eyed, and out of breath, and oh-god-what-did-he-just-do? What if he misunderstood Momoshiro’s words again?

Momoshiro only takes a second to glare at Kaidoh, before he’s the one yanking Kaidoh’s shirt, and smashing their faces together. Their teeth painfully collide, and both of them recoil back from the pain, groaning out loud as they do so. Then they look at each other again, and it’s unsure who’s the one moving this time, as both of them reach for the other man’s lips. This time, they don’t miss, and their lips are pressed together. A bit awkwardly, a bit rushed, but Kaidoh’s got so many good feelings rushing through him that he doesn’t care about anything at all anymore, except for Momoshiro’s lips. Which are on his, and suddenly they’re making the most embarrassing sucking noises that makes Kaidoh’s ears heat up and turn red-yet he doesn’t give a single fuck.

After all, he’s out of fucks to give when Kaidoh seems to be kissing Momoshiro, and Momoshiro seems to be kissing Kaidoh. It’s trial and error, they go about it rushed and rough, lips smacking against each other over and over again. Kaidoh still can’t believe it; he’s actually doing it. The urge to kiss Momoshiro is finally being satisfied.

It’s even better than what his fantasies could have come up with.

There’s nothing Kaidoh can compare it too-it simply feels rough, his lips are kind of throbbing with blood, and it’s a little bit painful, but Kaidoh kinda likes it like that. It’s like they’re trying to bruise each other by sucking as hard as they can, not to mention Momoshiro’s hands are on Kaidoh’s back (how’d they get there?) and he’s scratching his fingernails down Kaidoh’s spine. Everything is suddenly so violent, and it’s overwhelming Kaidoh with sensations. It’s as if he’s gotten drunk for the first time, or perhaps high on some kind of Momo drug.

They briefly break away from each other, and both their lips look abused and cherry red. Kaidoh stares at Momoshiro, and Momoshiro stares at Kaidoh. They breathe, harsh and ragged. Momoshiro’s hands are still on Kaidoh’s back, and Kaidoh’s hands are on Momoshiro’s chest, as if suddenly the rule to not touch each other has been completely wiped from existence. He can feel Momoshiro’s erratic heartbeat thump against the palm of his hand.

Momoshiro removes one hand from Kaidoh’s back, and rubs the back of it against his lips. Kaidoh follows every movement, hyper aware of everything he’s doing, and wondering if things are going to continue like this, or if Momoshiro is going to say he’s having second thoughts.

“I guess this kind of sucking off is fine too,” Momoshiro says with a cocky grin. He looks so confident, so arrogant, Kaidoh sort of wants to punch his face again.

But no, instead, Kaidoh leans in closer, tilting his face to the right, and slowly presses his lips up against Momoshiro’s again. Partly to shut him up, and mostly because he wanted to kiss him again. Momoshiro doesn’t hesitate, and presses back with more pressure. At least Kaidoh isn’t being delusional; Momoshiro is honestly kissing him out on his own accord. And if the clingy hand on Kaidoh’s back is any indication, it’s safe to say …

They definitely broke all the rules, and it’s probably the best thing ever.

That night, they’re completely naked as they jerk each other off, and-whenever there’s enough oxygen to permit them to-they kiss. They kissed all night long.

This is the end! But have no fear; you can read more MomoKai here.