Subtle Changes - Chapter 2 (part 3) - MomoKai

[celianna]

Title: Subtle Changes
Fandom: Prince of Tennis
Pairing: Momoshiro/Kaidoh
Rating: MA
Word count: 58k
Chapters: 1 (part 1) | 1 (part 2) | 2 (part 1) | 2 (part 2) | 2 (part 3) | 2 (part 4)
Summary: They don’t look each other in the eye when they do it.
A/N: ... still the same chapter!



Kaidoh can’t stop blushing.

Nor can he stop his imagination from taking its course either. Normally, his fantasies would be more subdued, where he’d secretly fantasize about embracing Momoshiro, or being embraced by him from behind. Sometimes he even allows him to imagine kissing Momoshiro’s cheek. Right after having such a fantasy play in his head, Kaidoh would smother his face into a pillow, wash his hands and run more laps around campus to get himself to stop feeling dirty. But now? Now that Momoshiro said that out loud? It pops up in his head without even trying.

And it’s making the tips of his ear red as well. It’s nasty, disgusting-that’s not what mouths are meant for! And yet, somehow, Kaidoh can imagine pushing Momoshiro up against a wall, and then start to run his hands down his chest, till it reaches the front of his shorts, and he pulls it down. And Kaidoh bends through his knees, coming face to face with …

Kaidoh shakes his cherry red head. No. He can’t think about that. That’s even more disgusting than what they usually do!

Stupid Momoshiro for even saying something like that. Why did he have to say that in the first place? Does he really want to … ? Does he want Kaidoh to … ?

Kaidoh hisses in frustration, then tries to stop his imagination from going too far by lifting up some dumbbells in his room. Except it doesn’t work, as he remembers the way Momoshiro sounded like when he asked Kaidoh to do it, in such a really low voice, almost kind of … Kaidoh shakes his head again. He needs to take a shower, he feels completely dirty.

When he comes back, still damp from his attempt to cleanse himself of these evil thoughts and fantasies, Momoshiro is already sitting on his bed again. He greets him with a very annoyed look on his face.

“You didn’t have to hit me in the balls, you know,” says Momoshiro. He looks pissed.

Yes, yes he did have to hit Momoshiro there. What other reaction would have been more appropriate when being confronted with ‘I want you to suck me off’? “Shut up you dumbass. Don’t ask me weird questions, and I won’t have to hit you for it,” Kaidoh says. He sits down on the desk chair, trying to cover up his face with the towel around his neck, hoping Momoshiro can’t see how embarrassed he is. And why is Momoshiro completely fine?

Oh wait, right. Kaidoh remembers why.

Stupid idiot, always so shameless. It’s because Momoshiro’s already had experience that he can be so cool and calm and collected about this, Kaidoh thinks bitterly. Sometimes, Kaidoh forgets that Momoshiro has had a girlfriend before, one whom he had sex with, but then he remembers it again and gets inexplicably angry and annoyed at Momoshiro. It grosses him out, to think that Momoshiro’s done stuff like that with someone else.

Not that what they’re doing is any less gross, but Kaidoh can cope with it when it’s him.

Momoshiro rolls his eyes. “It’s not that weird,” he says defensively.

Probably only for you. Kaidoh scoffs at him. “You’re right. It was disgusting. So how about you shut up and leave me alone.” Then maybe he can forget again that Momoshiro has done something like this already. Why bother Kaidoh about this? Can’t he go to some other girl and ask her?

“What, you’re not even going to tell me what’s so disgusting about it? It’s not any different than using our hands, you know.”

Kaidoh’s nostrils flare up. “We use our mouths to eat, Momoshiro. And in your case, you also use it so say incredibly dumb stuff every single time it opens.” He is NOT going to do it! No way in hell. Kaidoh won’t even let himself admit that he was fantasizing about it just moments ago, much less agree to do it for real. Momoshiro can suck it.

Metaphorically … of course.

“What the-I don’t say stupid shit at all!” Angry at the accusation, Momoshiro marches up towards Kaidoh and tries to shove him off the chair.

Kaidoh catches his wrist and uses it to prevent himself from falling off. He hisses at Momoshiro. “Yes you do!”

Momoshiro yanks his wrist back. “No I don’t, asshole!” He pushes at Kaidoh’s chest again. Obviously Kaidoh has to put Momoshiro in his place, by forcefully pushing Momoshiro down on his bed to get him to knock it off. Momoshiro grumbles something, and with an annoyed huff, he looks up at Kaidoh. “I’ll suck you off, too,” he says in this weird squeamish voice, like it disgusts him to even think about that.

“Do I look like I want you too!?” Kaidoh yells, hoping the anger in his voice masks the embarrassment in it. He tries to get his mind to calm down, to not think about Momoshiro’s offer, to not think about him at all, but it’s hard when Momoshiro’s sitting there, looking all pouty and irritated, and telling Kaidoh he’ll suck him off too.

“What, are you actually going to say no to my offer to do it in return?” Kaidoh is too stunned to even reply to that at all, he needs some time to process all of this. “That’s what I thought.”

No-he can’t do it. Just because Momoshiro is fine with it, because he’s done it before already, doesn’t mean Kaidoh should be forced into it too. So Kaidoh grunts out loud and glares at Momoshiro, prepared to reject the offer completely.

“I’m not going to touch that disgusting thing with my mouth. No way in hell. You probably haven’t even showered, and you’re probably full of those STD things or something,” says Kaidoh and he crosses his arms over his chest, as if this protects him from Momoshiro’s advances.

Momoshiro’s mouth drops open. “STD!? What the hell Kaidoh-where’d you get that idea?” Kaidoh looks at him pointedly; that idiot had once thought condoms were candy wrappers. No way in hell would he have ever used them to protect himself.

“I don’t!” Momoshiro cries out defensively. “I’ve never even had sex with anyone-how would I get an STD you jerk!?”

Now it’s Kaidoh’s turn to have his mouth drop open, clearly dumbfounded at the moment. Momoshiro’s never had sex with anyone? What? “You haven’t?” Kaidoh asks, the confusion on his face clearly written. Something fluttery and hopeful brews up inside of Kaidoh’s stomach. But he squashes it like a bug; Momoshiro had told him this himself, obviously he’s just a lying piece of shit either way. “Liar-you told me yourself in the beginning of the school year,” says Kaidoh.

He sees Momoshiro squirm on his bed, his face pulling a hundred different expressions ranging from distress, to confusion, to embarrassment, to guilt. Eventually Momoshiro averts his eyes to the hands in his lap, and starts to talk. “I lied-okay? I lied,” Momoshiro admits. Kaidoh notices how his cheeks are getting redder, and that makes that hopeful tugging in his stomach return. Is it true? “When I saw you were accepted into that stupid club of yours straight away, I felt like I needed to brag about something too ... or whatever. I just couldn’t let you beat me. I just had to say something. Eternal rivalry and all that shit, you know?”

Kaidoh takes a few seconds to reflect on that. Momoshiro lied about having sex because … he wanted to one-up Kaidoh? So he … “You wanted to beat me in being … promiscuous?”

“That’s not what I implied!” Momoshiro immediately dejects.

So then what? Momoshiro said it on impulse, so that he could be better than Kaidoh, because it was obvious to everyone that Kaidoh had never done such a thing before in his life. Kaidoh narrows his eyes at Momoshiro, wondering what the hell made him say and do those things.

“Then you came up with that disgusting idea for us. That’s certainly promiscuous,” Kaidoh observes.

“Shut up! It’s not like I planned to do that!” Momoshiro huffs, his entire face now red. “I just ... couldn’t let anyone know. We’re in college, you look like a complete loser if you haven’t had sex yet.”

“Are you saying I’m a loser?” Kaidoh growls.

“Well that much was clear,” Momoshiro says with a snort. He quickly shields his head with his arms when he sees Kaidoh raise a fist at him. “I’m sorry, okay! Geez, you don’t have to act like it’s such a big deal. It doesn’t change anything.”

Yes it does. It changes everything.

Kaidoh slowly lowers his fist as it starts to dawn on him how much Momoshiro had lied about, how many things weren’t true. What else isn’t true? What else did he lie about? Perhaps he’s even lying about things right now. But judging by how red his face is, Kaidoh is pretty sure Momoshiro wouldn’t willingly humiliate himself like this, so perhaps that part of the story is true. Momoshiro has never had sex before. Which also means that just like Kaidoh, this is his first experience in anything sexual, and that makes him feel like they’re even on the playing field. Like Kaidoh isn’t desperately catching up to Momoshiro, but instead they’re fumbling their way through it together.

A tiny and hopeful buoyant feeling wells up in Kaidoh’s chest, knowing that only he has touched Momoshiro like this.

Suddenly, their disgusting act doesn’t look so disgusting anymore.

“So you didn’t?” Kaidoh finds himself asking, just to check for sure.

Momoshiro shakes his head. “I didn’t.”

“You didn’t,” Kaidoh echoes.

“That’s what I said.”

Kaidoh slams his fist down on top of Momoshiro’s head. “Moron. Don’t lie about stupid stuff. What are you, five?” Kaidoh almost feels relieved. Momoshiro’s only done things like this with Kaidoh alone, and somehow, knowing that, feels nice. It’s only him and Momoshiro.

Momoshiro tries to get back at Kaidoh by pulling him close using his shirt, but doesn’t have much strength in his arms when he’s merely sitting on his bed, and thus Kaidoh stays put, looking amused. “Shut up, it doesn’t matter. Now you know. So no, you idiot, I don’t have any STDs, that’s fucking stupid.”

Kaidoh slaps Momoshiro’s hands away from his shirt with a huff. “Congratulations, you’re disease free. Too bad you can’t also cure idiocy.” Actually, Kaidoh doesn’t mind Momoshiro’s stupidity at all right now.

“Why you!”

The air is knocked out of Kaidoh as Momoshiro yanks him down on the bed with him, and suddenly he’s smothering Momoshiro underneath him. Kaidoh lifts his head up from Momoshiro’s head, his palms sinking into the mattress as he keeps himself upright. He’s ready to yell at Momoshiro and continue the fight, but this time he feels breathless and he hasn’t even been punched yet. Momoshiro is looking up at him, just staring right into his eyes. Couple that with the warm hands that are still holding onto Kaidoh’s tank top-which he’d used as leverage to pull Kaidoh down with him-Kaidoh can’t help but feel frozen with fire.

Which is a complete contradiction, but it’s how he feels. Helpless, while being burned alive. That is to say, Kaidoh’s feeling fuzzy and warm and good but also scared and nervous. Especially since Momoshiro isn’t moving, or saying anything, simply opting to stare right back at Kaidoh. Why isn’t he pushing him away? Why isn’t he saying anything? Usually Kaidoh can’t shut the idiot up, despite several attempts at closing his mouth, so why is Momoshiro lying beneath him like this, completely still and quiet, looking up into his eyes without any care of the complications in the least?

It’s giving him goosebumps.

A droplet of water from his still damp hair trickles down until it splashes onto Momoshiro’s forehead. Kaidoh watches it in trance, like suddenly he’s under a spell, and everything seems magical and sparkly. Sparkly, because Momoshiro’s eyes are reflecting the moonlight, and Kaidoh is unable to look away. He’s also unable to breathe again, as he feels like his heart has stopped beating in this quiet night. He’s afraid he’ll move or do something that gives away all of what he’s feeling, and all of the things he’s trying to hide from Momoshiro. But it’s really hard to hide everything when Momoshiro is so close, and for once he isn’t shoving Kaidoh away, or yelling insults at him, or doing anything much of all.

He’s just there. Staring at Kaidoh, like he’s the only thing that matters right now. It’s kind of overwhelming. It’s kind of really overwhelming.

Momoshiro’s fingers unfurl and releases the fabric, keeping his hand pressed against Kaidoh’s chest lightly. Kaidoh can feel his heart thump against it wildly, and now he’s afraid Momoshiro can tell that he’s the one that’s making it beat so fast.

Any moment now, Momoshiro will fling Kaidoh off of him for being gross.

It doesn’t happen.

Perhaps … Momoshiro doesn’t mind. Kaidoh’s imagination suddenly starts acting up when Momoshiro is this close and not moving away. It’s messing up his perception of reality, that it almost seems like a dream to him. Maybe it is a dream, maybe it’s one of his fantasies where Momoshiro isn’t grossed out by Kaidoh touching him, by Kaidoh being on top of him and pushing him down onto a bed.

Momoshiro blinks up to Kaidoh, and his stare is so strong and stubborn that Kaidoh feels like he’s being stared down, like some sort of challenge. It makes Kaidoh think Momoshiro is waiting for him to do something … but what?

One last drop of water falls down Kaidoh’s hair, and splashes on top of Momoshiro’s lips. His eyes flicker down to witness it, and sees the Momoshiro’s shiny lips reflecting at him. Kaidoh can feel his heart fluttering like crazy in his neck, like it’s trying to escape it’s beating so fast. He parts his own lips, suddenly transfixed on Momoshiro’s lips, and he stills for a moment, unsure of what to do next, or if he even had a plan in the first place. But he doesn’t-Kaidoh never has a plan when it comes to Momoshiro, he’s always running on instinct. And that instinct is screaming at him to lean down and …

Kaidoh takes in a shaky breath, he can feel his resolve thump in his fingertips. He can feel it growing bigger where Momoshiro’s hand is touching him. Momoshiro takes a breath as well, and they’re staring at each other once more, somehow both knowing that something is going to happen, like they’re preparing themselves for it. Bracing themselves, really. Momoshiro’s eyes are unwavering and so determined, like he doesn’t want Kaidoh to break eye contact, and he doesn’t. It’s making Kaidoh melt in a puddle when he looks at him like that, like he’s the only person in the world that matters. Like he wants Kaidoh to be there, like he’s waiting for him to do something.

When Momoshiro’s fingers fan out against his chest, like he’s encouraging him, Kaidoh flutters his eyes closed and he leans down into his touch.

But before Kaidoh can reach all the way down, he realizes what he’s doing and he hastily yanks himself back, throwing himself off of Momoshiro for once and for all. He stumbles away from the bed, and feels adrenaline rush through him like he’s just won the nationals all over again.

Kaidoh’s cheeks burn with a dark red blush as he keeps his back turned towards Momoshiro.

It’s clear as day to him now what he just attempted to do.

Kaidoh had just tried to kiss Momoshiro Takeshi, his former teammate, his rival and currently his roommate.

And that is utterly forbidden.

“I’m not doing it,” Kaidoh says with a trembling voice.

oOo

Kaidoh might not be doing it, but that event had triggered something inside of him. Now he’s hyper aware of it. Of what he tried to do, and what he actually still kind of wants to do.

It’s an impulse and urge that Kaidoh has never been faced with. Sure, hormones as a teenager have led him to the discovery of masturbation-something which he will forever deny-but he’s never had this before. He could even understand the need to touch Momoshiro and be close to him. It’s like an extension of always fighting with each other and having lots of physical contact.

But outright smashing lips together?

Insane.

Definitely insane.

Not to mention disgusting. Though that description is almost becoming synonymous with Momoshiro’s name nowadays. Kaidoh doesn’t know what went wrong for him to be thinking of this, why he feels compelled to do it. Not only that, he did almost do it that day, had almost leaned down and planted his lips right on top of Momoshiro’s.

Kaidoh prevents himself from going utterly crazy by pretending that Momoshiro was just asking for it, coaxing Kaidoh to do it by staying so still beneath him and giving him googly eyes. It’s like he wanted him to.

It’s a thought that makes Kaidoh’s skin feel prickly and warm, and his heart pounds hopefully.

To be fair, it really did look like Momoshiro wanted him to that time, or at least, he was most definitely waiting for Kaidoh to do something. What that something is … Kaidoh isn’t quite sure, but he’s not going to try and find out. Not anymore, that kind of thinking leads to dangerous things.

Unfortunately, he cannot escape his dreams. He’s had about three dreams now, all involving Momoshiro. It usually starts with Momoshiro crawling on top of Kaidoh, and fondling him through his pants. Then he leans down to kiss Kaidoh, and it feels like heaven. Kaidoh wakes up feeling confused, embarrassed, and aroused-which is not really a good idea when Momoshiro is right across the room, and he has gotten into the habit of pouncing on Kaidoh in the morning if he’s not out running.

So to escape this whirlwind of feeling and desires, Kaidoh doubles his training schedule. He hopes that by distracting himself, he won’t have time to think about this anymore. Even if that does mean he barely gets to see Momoshiro again.

They still do it though, maybe once every two days, but it’s fast and without finesse. It’s just to get off, and that’s it. It’s all Kaidoh allows himself to feel for now, he thinks that if they slow down, he’ll start to want to kiss Momoshiro again, and he’s got to keep that urge under control. He could never kiss Momoshiro. Never.

“Are you training for the world cup or something?” Momoshiro asks. He’s in a sullen mood, has been the entire day because Kaidoh kept dodging his attempts to fondle him, using the excuse that he had to go to practice.

“I’m just training,” Kaidoh replies with a hiss. He had hoped Momoshiro was too stupid and dense to not notice it, but apparently if he’s not getting off, then suddenly he’s keenly aware of Kaidoh’s schedule.

“That’s just stupid! I barely even get to see yo-I mean, we barely get to do it like this. It’s annoying.” Momoshiro shakes his head.

Kaidoh blinks at him, aware how Momoshiro had just complained about not seeing Kaidoh enough. And even though he didn’t mean he misses Kaidoh-simply misses the handjobs-it still makes Kaidoh gulp and feel a shiver run down his spine. “But we just did it, pervert,” Kaidoh says instead to mask his shyness.

“Yeah, so, you’re still training a lot,” Momoshiro says with a shrug. “Freak.” Kaidoh growls at him. “Speaking of training with an actual goal-you’ll come, right?”

“Huh?”

“To my match.”

Oh right, Momoshiro did say something like that … but it’s not like Kaidoh can pay much attention to what Momoshiro is blabbering about when he’s highly aroused and Momoshiro’s hand is jerking him off. That idiot doesn’t know when to shut up; when they’re doing that, it’s the worst possible time to have a conversation. Yet Momoshiro still attempts to do it every single time.

“Uhh,” Kaidoh stammers. He wants to come, to see Momoshiro play. In fact, he will come. He’ll free up some time from his hectic schedule to see it. “Only if I’m not training,” Kaidoh quickly says, to not seem eager, like he actually wants to.

Momoshiro gives him this indignant look. “What, my match isn’t important enough to skip some of your stupid training? Asshole.”

Kaidoh growls at him. “It’s not stupid-you’re stupid.” If there’s one thing Kaidoh won’t tolerate, it’s Momoshiro’s excessive remarks at his running, always insulting it, always calling it stupid, always calling him a freak, it’s annoying. It’s agitating.

“Yeah well, you’re stupider!” Momoshiro flings back.

“At least I don’t have stupid hair!” is Kaidoh’s lame comeback.

Even Momoshiro thinks it’s lame and scoffs at the insult. “You think I’d look better with no spiked up hair then?” he asks in a rather normal tone.

It catches Kaidoh off guard, and he’s once more reduced to outright blinking and stammering. “Uhh.” What the hell does he say to that?

Momoshiro leans back against the wall and runs his fingers through his hair. “I’ve had this hairstyle for years, maybe I should change it back to normal …”

Kaidoh can’t imagine Momoshiro with normal hair, like himself. He’s always seen the idiot with that spiked up hair full of greasy wax. Even when Momoshiro comes back from taking a shower, and his hair is still wet, it’s already up. In fact, Kaidoh thinks he secretly mixes his hair gel with glue, because even when Momoshiro is suddenly doused in water, his hair stays up. It’s almost like concrete. It’s crazy and stupid.

And now Kaidoh can’t stop imagining what Momoshiro would look like, his eyes half hidden by black locks of hair, leering at him with determined eyes …

Oh great, now he’s fantasizing right in front of Momoshiro. How disgusting.

“You’d look stupid,” Kaidoh says. Which is to say, Kaidoh’s curious what Momoshiro would really look like.

“Fuck you, I’d look awesome. I always look awesome.”

“Awesomely stupid.”

“That’s still a version of awesome-you can’t take that back now!” Momoshiro grins at Kaidoh, and Kaidoh feels butterflies swarm in his stomach.

Then Momoshiro looks at him, his expression suddenly serious. Kaidoh stares right back at him, wondering what he’s going to say. “So you’ll come?”

Of course he’ll come, idiot.

oOo

Kaidoh is waiting at the exit, leaning against the wall, trying to be as nonchalant as possible as people start to crowd around him, trying to go home, but really he just feels out of place and awkward. He’s waiting for Momoshiro, but won’t admit to himself that he is, nor did he tell Momoshiro that he was coming in the first place. Besides, tennis players might leave through another exit reserved just for players, in which case he’ll miss Momoshiro and Kaidoh will feel really stupid waiting for no one. Not that he’s waiting for Momoshiro.

Kaidoh smiles to himself as he remembers Momoshiro’s match. Momoshiro seemed so into it, having this serious look on his face and completely focused on what he was doing. Kaidoh missed seeing that look, one that Momoshiro used to reserve just for him. It makes him jealous of Momoshiro’s opponent, as he got to play Momoshiro and Kaidoh still hasn’t yet. But nonetheless, it was still worth it watching his match. Kaidoh couldn’t take his eyes off of him. He’s gotten so much better since middle school-even showing a bunch of new moves Kaidoh didn’t recognize-no wonder he’s gotten so cocky lately. But if Kaidoh’s honest, he doesn’t really hate it all that much when Momoshiro is being cocky. It just means that when Kaidoh beats him, he can gloat about it even more.

That is, if Kaidoh will ever play him again. And right now, he really wants to. In fact, he’s regretting picking the track and field club once more, he’s stuck with it now. The only way he can play Momoshiro is if Momoshiro himself would ask Kaidoh for a match (no way will Kaidoh ever ask first). It makes him feel a rush of adrenaline and excitement ricochets off his ribcage just at the simple prospect of playing him again. Kaidoh doesn’t even care if he’ll win or lose, he just wants to play Momoshiro, just like that one random guy he’s never seen before in his life did today. That person was lucky, he probably doesn’t even realize how good Momoshiro is, or how much fun it is playing against him.

Not that he’d ever say that out loud … in fact, he’d rather Momoshiro think that Kaidoh hates playing him, or thinks it’s some kind of chore. Anything is better than seeming desperate to play him again. Or that he came to watch his match in the first place. Or that right now he’s waiting for Momoshiro.

“You came.”

Kaidoh’s heart jumps up in his throat; he doesn’t need to look to know Momoshiro is behind him. Kaidoh pushes himself off of the wall and turns to face him. Immediately he feels his stomach buzz with electricity, and he can’t help but crack a slight smile. Then he realizes how stupid he probably looks like, and tries to play it off like he’s grumpy and that he was just in the neighborhood so he wasn’t actually waiting for Momoshiro. He sticks his hands into his pockets and hisses.

“Well, you asked me too,” he says with a huff, like that’s the only reason he came; because Momoshiro asked. Wait, doesn’t this look like Momoshiro can demand anything of Kaidoh and he’ll do it? Shit, Kaidoh has to rethink this nonchalant method.

Momoshiro hops over to him, a grin plastered on his face so wide that Kaidoh thinks it might fall off his face. “Did you watch the whole thing?” he asks excitedly.

“Yeah,” Kaidoh says. He was there early so that he wouldn’t miss anything, even if Momoshiro’s match wasn’t until like two hours later. He slouches his shoulders and tires to not look at Momoshiro too much, he fears that he might try to smile again. Momoshiro’s idiotic smile is contagious like that, and his good mood is infectious. It’s hard for Kaidoh to keep acting grumpy and indifferent, and he surprises himself when he says, “You did good.” He quickly tries to make his statement sound less enthusiastic by adding, “Or something.” Then hisses.

Momoshiro squeals and hits Kaidoh’s shoulder with his fist. “I did awesome, you mean,” he says with that stupid grin again. He leans against the wall next to Kaidoh, and Kaidoh can’t help but feel like his shoulder is burning up-especially after Momoshiro hit it, and is now brushing up against it. “I kicked his ass. They should crown me captain just because of that match.”

Kaidoh snorts in amusement. “Keep dreaming.” Yeah, Momoshiro as captain would probably not be a bad idea. After all, it was Kaidoh who was captain in middle school, so he’s curious what would happen if Momoshiro was the one who led a tennis team. He smiles at the memories though; Momoshiro was a great vice captain. It never felt like Kaidoh was running the club alone, Momoshiro was always there for him.

Momoshiro pushes his shoulder into Kaidoh’s, and it flares up with heat again. “Hey, I totally could be. Maybe in a year, since I’m such a prodigy in tennis.”

“More like a flailing idiot,” Kaidoh says, just to disagree and argue with him, even if Kaidoh secretly agrees with him.

“I resent that!” Momoshiro cries out and pouts at Kaidoh.

Kaidoh can’t help the smile that creeps on his lips just then, it’s hard to resist when Momoshiro’s being so friendly with him, and Kaidoh’s still feeling that rush after seeing him play, it’s making everything seem fuzzy and feel nice. Being with Momoshiro like this feels nice. Momoshiro smiles back at him, and it makes Kaidoh’s insides all gooey and warm. Today is a really good day, Kaidoh is glad he came.

“Too bad I play singles now,” says Momoshiro, his smile faltering. Kaidoh says nothing. “I miss playing with you.”

A rush of blood shoots up in Kaidoh’s face and he immediately turns away from Momoshiro and after first making a weird throaty squeal, he stammers out, “A-asshole, don’t say weird stuff like that.” He can feel his heart racing at Momoshiro’s simple statement. He misses playing with Kaidoh? Kaidoh wants to turn around and tell him, me too. Kaidoh misses playing with Momoshiro too. But he’s kind of petrified at the nonchalant way Momoshiro said it, so effortless like it’s nothing. It still makes his heart go kind of crazy.

Momoshiro missed him, is all his brain can think about.

Then he snaps out of it and shakes his head. “I’m in the track and field club right now,” he explains. Like it’s some sort of burden he’s stuck with, because honestly, Kaidoh wants to join the tennis club. He glances over at Momoshiro, feeling shy at what he’s about to say, but gathers courage from Momoshiro’s earlier words. “But uhm, that doesn’t … that doesn’t mean we can’t play.” He doesn’t outright say he wants to play, even though on the inside he’s jumping at that chance.

“Really?” Momoshiro asks hopefully, and the look on his innocent and childish face makes Kaidoh’s heart melt in a puddle.

But of course, he’s Kaidoh Kaoru, meaning he has to hide his mushy and embarrassing feelings, so he grunts instead. “If I have time,” he says dismissively, like he somehow needs to pretend he doesn’t find it important to play against Momoshiro.

“Oh … like when?” Momoshiro asks.

“I don’t know.” Now? “When I don’t have training.” Kaidoh’s available any day.

“But you always have training!” Momoshiro complains in a whiny voice.

Kaidoh can feel his cheeks burn with embarrassment again; that’s Kaidoh’s own fault, isn’t it? He tried to keep himself busy by expanding his training schedule so that he wouldn’t even have any time to think about … about the fact that he really kind of wanted to … Kaidoh’s eyes quickly peek at Momoshiro’s lips, and then he hastily pretends to be staring at the ground instead. Yes, he tried to keep himself busy, so that he wouldn’t have to think. Wouldn’t have to feel.

And perhaps that was a bad decision, because Momoshiro is right here, and for some reason, he said he missed playing with Kaidoh, and sounds like he wants to play him again. That golden chance Kaidoh has been waiting for since the start of college-it’s right here! Yet, he has to let it slip through his fingers because he made a bad decision about adding more workload to his training schedule?

Kaidoh won’t let that happen. “Summer vacation,” he says.

“Huh?”

“We can play then.” Kaidoh can’t believe he managed to say that, because it felt like the hardest thing to do. As if this somehow gives Momoshiro an edge over him, like the ball is in his court and Momoshiro has the power to reject his idea, and then Kaidoh will feel stupid for even suggesting it. But the way Momoshiro whined and complained about Kaidoh not having any free time … maybe he won’t reject the offer. Kaidoh feels anxious, but strangely hopeful.

“Oh right,” Momoshiro says in a drawled out voice, like he hadn’t thought about that before. “That’s like next month, too.” He then turns his head to look at Kaidoh. “But don’t you have plans for summer vacation?”

Kaidoh suddenly feels shy and embarrassed, because no-he hasn’t made any plans yet (unless running a lot counts as one), and he wonders if he should have been making plans, so that he doesn’t look all lame trying to make some with Momoshiro. “W-well, I am making them right now, dumbass,” he mutters quickly.

Momoshiro smiles at him, and Kaidoh can feel his heart tug at him again. “Alright then, summer vacation it is!”

oOo

It’s the last day before summer vacation, and it’s really hot.

Kaidoh has gotten this silly idea into his head that somehow, the last day before they won’t see each other for a while anymore, should be special. It makes his stomach crawl with nerves when he realizes he’s setting aside some time from his training just to spend more time with Momoshiro, but he feels like he has to. Or well, he wants to more importantly.

Even if he won’t ever admit that out loud.

But yeah, Kaidoh wishes to spend a bit more time with Momoshiro before they won’t see each other for ten long days, until their appointed date, in which case he’ll be playing a tennis match with Momoshiro. Obviously, he’s really stoked about this, pumped really, but that’s still ten days spend apart. And despite Kaidoh’s insistent denial throughout the last couple of months, he has to admit that ten days seems like a long time, especially since he’s been stuck with Momoshiro since day one. Especially now that Kaidoh feels this sugar rush gnaw at him whenever he sees Momoshiro smile at him. Or when he receives a text message from the idiot on his phone. Or when they … do that thing together. Kaidoh’s really hoping they do that thing again tonight. He hopes Momoshiro won’t be held back at the club, because he left his schedule wide open for the night, just so that they could … the thought is so embarrassing, Kaidoh refuses to think about it any further.

He’s sitting at his desk, neatly arranging his pencils over and over again, feeling nervous and fidgety and kind of lame waiting for Momoshiro to come back-if he’s coming at all, that is. When he hears the loud click from the door’s lock echo through the room, Kaidoh’s heart starts beating like a drum, and he immediately whirls around on his chair to face Momoshiro.

… Who seemed to be walking in half naked, wearing nothing but white training shorts and a towel (or is that his shirt?) slung across his shoulders. His skin looks sweaty and red, and Kaidoh feels awkward for staring, but he can’t help it.

“Oh,” says Momoshiro when he notices Kaidoh sitting there. “Didn’t think you’d be here. Don’t you have … you know, running or something?” He takes off his towel and flings it on the bed, then runs his hand through his sweaty hair. Kaidoh is a bit mesmerized, suddenly he wants to run his fingers through Momoshiro’s greasy and sweaty hair.

“Uhm, no, I’m uhh.” Come on Kaidoh, come up with a good excuse. “Done. We cut training short today to prepare for uhh, the summer vacation.” He wonders if it’s obvious to Momoshiro how bad of a liar he is.

“I see, so even you guys cut yourselves some slack to relax, huh.” Then again, Kaidoh shouldn’t forget Momoshiro’s an idiot most of the time, there’s no way he can make an intelligent observation and see if Kaidoh’s lying or not.

“Yeah … something like that.” Kaidoh fidgets around on his chair. Momoshiro wearing such little clothing (he’s gotten into the habit of not wearing a shirt lately because it’s getting so hot) is distracting him, as he’s suddenly imagining it in his head how his fingertips trail down Momoshiro’s bare chest. “So uh, I’m … free for the rest of the night.” Immediately, Kaidoh feels like the dumbest person on earth for saying that out loud, for implying to Momoshiro that he is ‘free’ to do ‘anything’.

Kaidoh shifts his eyes up at Momoshiro, expectantly, but nervous.

“About time,” Momoshiro says. “You spend way too much time running.” Kaidoh wants to growl and interject saying that he probably doesn’t run enough, because even with all the running he’s been doing, his strange feelings for Momoshiro just continue to grow bigger. There’s no escape from it. “You should spend more time with me,” Momoshiro mumbles at the end before sitting down on his bed.

Kaidoh’s ears perk up and his mind goes into overdrive. Did he hear that correctly? He didn’t imagine it, right? “W-with … you?” he asks back in a very hesitant and disbelieving voice.

“Obviously.” Kaidoh’s face turns red and he can’t help himself feeling this strange urge to giggle. Luckily he manages to squash that urge down and turn it into a odd sounding cough with phlegm instead. “I mean, our time is always cut short, it’s giving me blue balls man.” Aaaand Kaidoh’s face turns to stone.

Of course. Momoshiro doesn’t want to spend time with Kaidoh without the ulterior motive of getting a free handjob out of it. That’s all it is to Momoshiro, and Kaidoh should really stop hoping for something else, like Momoshiro wants to spend time with him because … because … it’s fun? Or something like that.

“Your stupid balls aren’t my concern,” Kaidoh says grumpily. Stupid Momoshiro, getting his hopes up.

Momoshiro gives him this disjointed look. “What …?” He then huffs. “No one said it was, dumbass.” And before Kaidoh can reply, Momoshiro sits on the edge of his bed, and stares at Kaidoh for a second. “I just want to finish what we started, that’s all,” he says in this dead serious voice.

How come Momoshiro is always so shameless? How can he say those words and not turn utterly red from embarrassment? Kaidoh will never know. But he does know that he is red from embarrassment right now. He clenches his hands into fists on top of his knees and gazes down at the floor, preparing himself for what he’s about to say. “Okay,” is what Kaidoh says.

Okay. He’ll finish it.

It’s not like Kaidoh had any other plans.

Momoshiro looks a bit taken aback, and raises his eyebrows at him, before he starts smirking at him. “That’s more like it, Mamushi. Now get over here before I push you down.”

It’s not like Kaidoh has any objections to that either … there’s always this rush he gets when Momoshiro climbs on top of him, and their sweaty bodies are sticking together, and Momoshiro is staring into his own eyes with this determined willpower, and he only has eyes for Kaidoh at the moment. It’s always very intensive and overwhelming, and Kaidoh can’t get enough of it. Regardless, he still shakily gets up from his chair, and takes the two small steps to reach Momoshiro’s bed, standing right in front of him. He stands there looking awkward and out of place, because it feels like they planned to do this, and that’s a lot scarier than doing it impulsively.

Because, as long as they’re acting on impulse, then they can keep up with the pretense of it being meaningless. Except what they’re doing right now is definitely not a spur of the moment kind of thing, but most definitely planned. After all, Kaidoh did take some time off from training to be with Momoshiro right now.

Did Momoshiro finish practice early to see Kaidoh, too?

“Always so damn slow,” Momoshiro complains, before he grabs Kaidoh’s shirt and without much effort (Kaidoh isn’t resisting) yanks him down onto the bed with him. Kaidoh ends up trapping Momoshiro beneath his body before he’s shoved aside, and then Momoshiro is the one on top of him, looking all confident with his annoying little smirk.

Kaidoh feels like the breath got knocked right out of him, because he’s unable to breath or move at all when he’s under Momoshiro’s intense gaze like this.

There’s really only one thing going through Kaidoh’s mind; Momoshiro is voluntarily touching him. And he’s on top of him. And he’s staring down at him with this wicked grin, that’s actually kind of attractive. The urge to touch Momoshiro suddenly goes out of control, and Kaidoh’s body is set to autopilot when his hand shoots out to grab hold of Momoshiro’s arm, as if he’s about to throw him off. But Kaidoh’s not throwing him off, he’s slowly trailing his fingers over Momoshiro’s biceps, all the while not breaking eye contact. If Momoshiro keeps looking at him like this, then he’ll find out about all of Kaidoh’s emotions, which are exposed on his naked face, and that’s kind of terrifying, yet exhilarating. He can feel the damp sweat left behind on Momoshiro’s skin, and yet it doesn’t gross Kaidoh out, not in the least. Don’t move away. Don’t move away.

“What?” Momoshiro asks in this confident voice, blinking his eyes at Kaidoh, as if he’s onto him.

“You’re sweaty,” Kaidoh says quickly. Like he has to give Momoshiro some kind of excuse why he’s touching his arm like this, why he’s even staring at him.

“Yeah, well, it’s hot. What do you expect? I don’t know how you can stand wearing that shirt still.” Momoshiro pats his hand down on Kaidoh’s stomach, and immediately he feels a hundred butterflies swarm in reaction to his touch. “You should take it off sometime.” He drags his hand upwards and lifts some of Kaidoh’s shirt so that it exposes some of his stomach.

Kaidoh digs his fingers into Momoshiro’s arm, stumped at Momoshiro’s words. “I’m … fine,” he breathes out. What is Momoshiro saying? That he wants Kaidoh to remove his clothing? But he’s the one who came up with that rule, to stay clothed. Or maybe that was just for their pants, and not their shirts, seeing as Momoshiro’s been plenty shirtless before during the last couple of weeks, and Kaidoh had a hard time not staring at him. Yeah, maybe shirts are okay. Kaidoh wouldn’t mind, especially not when he thinks about pulling Momoshiro close so that their naked chests touch, and what kind of rush he’d get from it. And sitting below Momoshiro, with those eyes drilling into his soul, Kaidoh really wants to find out what it would feel like.

“Tough guy, eh?” Momoshiro taunts him, and this time bumps his fist against Kaidoh’s chest, right where his heart is threatening to burst out into confetti.

Kaidoh hisses. “Shut up,” he says, because talking always seems to throw him for a loop. He doesn’t understand why Momoshiro likes to talk during times like this, a time where they’re both about to do something very perverted. Talking just brings attention to it, and it makes Kaidoh feel even more gross. He hopes it’s not super obvious that Kaidoh is liking the way Momoshiro touches him so nonchalant, so effortlessly, like this is how it’s supposed to be. He tears his eyes away from Momoshiro, and decides to look at his damp hair instead.

“Even your stupid hair is sweaty,” Kaidoh remarks. He wants to touch it.

“Well since you’re so bothered by it, perhaps I should take a shower right now,” Momoshiro says sarcastically.

“No,” Kaidoh blurts out. Then his face turns red, and he turns it away from Momoshiro’s scrutinizing gaze. “Whatever. I don’t care.” Please stay.

“Good …” Momoshiro suddenly sinks through his elbows, leaning down until Kaidoh’s shirt sticks to Momoshiro’s sweaty chest, until suddenly Momoshiro’s breath is tickling his ear. The cartilage of his ear feels like it’s burning under the sun. “I’ll stay if you stay,” he says in this voice that Kaidoh can’t help but think is husky and alluring. It’s probably because Momoshiro’s voice has never sounded this close before, and Kaidoh is unsure of what to do, what he’s allowed to do, because he certainly can feel what his body wants him to do.

But perhaps that’s Kaidoh’s problem. Perhaps he should start listening to his body, especially now when Momoshiro seems to be acting off script and pretending that the rules don’t exist anymore. Not with the way he’s so close to Kaidoh’s body. Maybe, Momoshiro wants to be close, and that’s enough of a sugar rush that Kaidoh can feel himself vitalized with vigorous energy that doesn’t even compare to the stamina he exerts when he runs. He’s overflowing with this energy, and there’s only one way to let it all out.

Kaidoh hisses, and half grunts as he grumbles, “Then stay.”

With a courageous effort, he pushes back at Momoshiro’s arm, using a lot of strength to throw the other man off of him while he’s still caught off guard from the surprise attack. Kaidoh has no idea what took over him, but he’s eagerly climbing on top of Momoshiro, knees situated next to his hips, and his hands next to Momoshiro’s head. Momoshiro doesn’t object, so maybe he doesn’t mind this new position, maybe he doesn’t mind the closeness, and that gives Kaidoh enough courage to continue. Without any prompt from Momoshiro, Kaidoh’s hand ends up-palm up-stroking the slight bulge in Momoshiro’s shorts. He can feel the warmth exude from Momoshiro’s half-hard penis, and it eagerly twitches with excitement at finally being touched.

It’s the only place Kaidoh knows for sure he can touch that Momoshiro won’t complain about, but right now, Momoshiro looks like he’d be alright with more touching. Or maybe that’s just Kaidoh’s wishful thinking. But the way Momoshiro looked at him …

It’s in his eyes, that intense look-and he’s not even looking directly at Kaidoh. Kaidoh thinks that there won’t ever be a time they’ll look each other in the eye as they do this, but that’s okay. If Kaidoh can indulge his stupid urges and touch Momoshiro where he wants to, then he doesn’t care if Momoshiro won’t look at him. Instead, Kaidoh lets his eyes wander, studying the small details of his face and hair, all the while fondling Momoshiro through his pants. It’s hard, and straining Momoshiro’s shorts, it feels sweaty as well.

And for once, that’s not actually as disgusting as Kaidoh would like to think. No, in fact, Kaidoh kind of likes it.

Momoshiro bites down on his lip as he concentrates on getting a hand in between their bodies as well, zoning in on Kaidoh’s shorts this time.

Kaidoh feels stupidly relieved when Momoshiro’s fingers touch it, and though he should be feeling embarrassed at liking this sort of perverted thing, instead he actually feels more pumped than normal-he feels like he can do anything.

And with that kind of mindset, Kaidoh’s other hand dares to bury itself within Momoshiro’s sweaty hair. It’s greasy from his hairgel, and damp from his sweat, and while it doesn’t actually feel all that comfortable, the fact that this is Momoshiro’s hair is enough to scramble up Kaidoh’s mind. He’s touching it. He’s touching Momoshiro’s hair. And Momoshiro hasn’t punched him yet. No, instead, Momoshiro’s body squirms below him, and he arches his back to flip his head back, his scalp leaning into the palm of Kaidoh’s hand, like he’s begging Kaidoh to keep it there.

Or at least, that’s what it seems like.

Kaidoh might be a little delusional right now, and that crazy sugar rush is impeding his rational thoughts, so maybe he’s imagining it that Momoshiro seems to enjoy it. Everything always gets fuzzy to him when Momoshiro’s hand feels as good as always. No, it feels even better. It’s slow, but experienced-Momoshiro knows what Kaidoh likes by now, and that’s kind of embarrassing, but enthralling. And he’s not telling Kaidoh to fuck off and stay out of his hair, so getting this kind of permission is a little mind boggling to Kaidoh. He’ll take what he can get.

Kaidoh hisses and rests his forehead against Momoshiro’s neck, their hands in sync as they stroke and pull, and are throwing Kaidoh into ecstasy.

oOo

As it turned out, Kaidoh got away with a lot that night. He’ll never forget what he did with Momoshiro. Maybe it was because it was their last day together before summer vacation, or maybe Momoshiro is subtly changing his rules. Whatever it was, Kaidoh won’t forget it.

Mostly, everything felt like a dream, like a fog in his mind that feels good but blurry, like it cannot possibly be real. But it is, and Kaidoh remembers all the things he did, and all the sensations he felt. He remembers how his fingers would get lost in Momoshiro’s increasingly damp hair, how his fingernails scratched the back of his scalp. He remembers taking off his shirt because it got far too hot. He remembers Momoshiro’s hand on his back, forcing him down so that their bodies could meet and melt with each other, like he didn’t want Kaidoh to go away. He remembers how gentle Momoshiro’s touch was, how he was slow, but every action was deliberate, like he thought about what he was doing. He remembers burying his face into Momoshiro’s neck, unable to hold himself back and hold Momoshiro close to him, and how Momoshiro let him, how he groaned in pleasure right into his ear.

Kaidoh even remembers how during the heat of the moment, he might have kissed Momoshiro’s neck once or twice-it’s not his fault, it was right there in his face! Not that Momoshiro seemed to have noticed, he was far too out of it to realize what Kaidoh was up to.

All in all, Kaidoh left the dorms feeling slightly more confident and with a spring in his steps. He feels happy. He feels good. It’s because of last night; he and Momoshiro weren’t fighting or calling each other disgusting or gross, Momoshiro didn’t even push him away-they were just there for each other, making each other feel good. Momoshiro didn’t complain once about what Kaidoh did, no, he looked like he enjoyed it as much as Kaidoh did. And with the way Momoshiro acted yesterday, Kaidoh thinks that maybe Momoshiro …

Maybe he feels the same? Maybe he … wants to touch Kaidoh too?

Kaidoh can feel himself blush when he remembers the way Momoshiro’s hand firmly pressed down on his spine, to prevent him from pulling away. Yeah, he was definitely touching Kaidoh on his own accord. And it’s making Kaidoh insanely giddy and happy.

Kaidoh isn’t even annoyed that he spends the first day of summer vacation thinking about Momoshiro. He feels even more like a high school girl when he receives a text from Momoshiro. It’s some mundane babble again, and while Kaidoh never replies to Momoshiro’s stupid texts, he still looks forward to them. It makes him smile, because Momoshiro had to be thinking of him during his day to send him this. Even if it was just a few seconds of his day, Kaidoh’s glad to be in Momoshiro’s mind. That he won’t forget him, despite being apart.

Which is a stark contrast to what happened after they went to a different high school. Then again, Momoshiro did text him a few times-but they eventually wore off until it was nothing but radio silence. That might have partially been Kaidoh’s fault though, as Kaidoh was always annoyed by the timing of Momoshiro’s messages (during school or during running), so he never replied. Still. The idiot could have tried harder to keep in touch. Maybe Kaidoh should message him back once in a while …

“Kaoru-nii-san, did you hear what I said?” asks Hazue, his 18 year old brother. “Are you waiting for someone to call you?”

Kaidoh bashfully pulls the phone away from view and stuffs it into his shorts-he was thinking about replying to one of Momoshiro’s messages. He got distracted by Momoshiro again when he was supposed to be tying his shoes so he could run, until Hazue walked up to him. Was he really that deep in thought he didn’t hear his brother talking to him?

“Uhm,” Kaidoh says, frowning up at his brother. “Sorry, was thinking about something … what is it?”

“Here!” Hazue says cheerfully, and then shows Kaidoh a photo of a girl in a high school uniform. She has long black hair, and looks really skinny.

“Uhh …?” Kaidoh looks up at Hazue, wondering if he’s supposed to know this girl.

“It’s my girlfriend, Yuki,” Hazue explains, tucking the photo away.

“G-girlfriend?” Kaidoh sputters. Hazue is way too young to have a girlfriend!

“Yes, well, it’s normal for someone my age to have one,” says Hazue with a smile. Then he scratches the back of his head in a shy manner. “Though compared to other guys, I’m a bit late …”

Kaidoh doesn’t think that’s true at all. What’s Hazue doing with a girlfriend anyway? He should be focusing his time on more productive things, like studying and training! He shouldn’t be having fun with a stupid girlfriend, that detracts from studying, and training obviously. Two very important things to Kaidoh. And if they’re important to Kaidoh, then Kaidoh can’t see why they wouldn’t be important to Hazue as well.

“So uhh, we’re going on our first date tomorrow, I’m really excited. I hope I can introduce you to her sometime.” Hazue looks like he’s positively swooning, it’s kind of irritating. Kaidoh wants to remind Hazue that he is young and should probably not be going on dates when he can be training instead.

“… But what about your training?” Kaidoh asks offhandedly. He knows Hazue is in the tennis club of his high school, and while he is not a regular (despite Kaidoh training Hazue personally, his dear brother just never seemed to have that talent to be a star), he should still be busy with practice during summer vacation.

“What about it?” Hazue asks back, looking confused and taken aback.

“Don’t you have practice with the tennis club over summer vacation?”

Hazue chuckles. “Of course, but since I’m not a regular, I can get away with slacking off for a bit, so I can spend some time with my girlfriend instead.”

Kaidoh doesn’t like that word. Slacking off. Especially slacking off for frivolous things like going on dates with a girl. When did his brother sink so low? When did he start liking girls?

Or perhaps it was Kaidoh who never did …

“Oh. You should train though, I can even come up with a training menu for you, if you’d like,” Kaidoh offers what he considers to be very good advice.

Hazue throws his hands up and quickly shakes his head. “N-no, that’s fine! It’s okay. You worry about your own training, Kaoru-nii-san. Or actually, you should have fun instead. Have you met anyone you liked at college that you hang out with?”

Kaidoh frowns and gives Hazue this disgruntled look. “Fun? Like?”

“Yeah, you know, like a girl you met …” Hazue trails off, looking slightly embarrassed himself. “You know, that kind of like. Someone you want to date. I’ve never heard you talk about it before, so I wonder if it’s any different in college.”

“Me … like someone?” Kaidoh repeats. This is starting to feel like some kind of interrogation, and Kaidoh is not comfortable with that at all.

“Yeah! Do you?”

“No!” Kaidoh immediately replies at the accusation.

Hazue looks a bit disappointed. “Oh,” he says with a sigh. “Have you ever liked someone …?” he asks instead.

Kaidoh wants this conversation to be over, as it’s highly uncomfortable and annoying, and Kaidoh doesn’t want to answer these stupid questions. He could be running instead, something much more productive. “No. … I don’t know. Whatever.”

Hazue sits down next to Kaidoh with a smile. “Is that so … so you’ve never felt butterflies in your stomach?”

“No, I have,” Kaidoh answers. “When I was playing a tennis match during the nationals, I felt butterflies-it made me want to throw up.”

“That’s not the kind of butterflies I’m talking about …” Hazue chuckles awkwardly. “I mean … like, when I see Yuki, my girlfriend, I get all tied up and warm inside. It makes me want to be with her and smile at her for no reason. I want to kiss her too. You’ve never felt this way about someone before …?”

“…” Kaidoh would have said no straight away, but Hazue’s words are starting to sink into him now. Momoshiro’s face pops into Kaidoh’s head.

Kaidoh gets all jumpy and giddy when he sees Momoshiro, and when Momoshiro looks at him, he does feel all warm and choked up. But Kaidoh attributes this to simply being excited to punch Momoshiro’s face in.

Kaidoh does want to spend time with Momoshiro-he wants to play tennis with him after all.

Kaidoh does catch himself smiling like a stupid fool at Momoshiro when the idiot is smiling as well. But that’s simply because it’s contagious, it’s impossible to repress the urge to smile when Momoshiro flashes that idiot grin at him.

And then … that last part Hazue mentioned …

“No. I have to go run.” Kaidoh rushes to get up, forgetting to tie his shoelaces, and then he sprints off, away from their home.

Suddenly his heart is beating in his throat, and each time his feet make contact with the pavement, Kaidoh can feel an eerie chill spread through his body. Suddenly there’s this cold feeling pooling in the bottom of his stomach, and Kaidoh’s filled with dread. Dread because, he knows this can’t be good. And that’s why he’ll deny it for as long as possible.

Suddenly his phone beeps and Kaidoh takes it out of his pocket right away, flipping it open to see what Momoshiro has sent him (he’s the only person who sends Kaidoh messages, Kaidoh doesn’t know if he should make more friends, or if Momoshiro should stop spamming him).

Can’t wait to play you. I’ll beat your ass!

There’s a smile forming on Kaidoh’s lips-which had been previously wrenched into a grimace-but when he realizes it, he shakes his head and starts to sprint at full speed ahead.

It just can’t be true. Kaidoh won’t let it be true. There’s just no way that Kaidoh can like Momoshiro.

oOo

It’s been on his mind ever since Hazue questioned him that day. Like this pesky annoying thought that won’t leave him alone-much like what Momoshiro does when he sends him text messages. That’s annoying too.

Even if Kaidoh doesn’t particularly mind it all that much.

But still, it’s the principle of things.

So when he has to meet up with Momoshiro to play their tennis match, Kaidoh is bundled with even more nerves and anxiety than normal. At first, he was excited to play, excited to see Momoshiro again-but now he’s just a complete mess. He won’t know what he’ll do if he sees that idiot again. What he’ll think, what he’ll feel … in fact, Kaidoh would rather avoid Momoshiro at the moment, since he’s so damn confused, and angry at being confused, but a small part inside of him can’t refuse this opportunity. He hasn’t played Momoshiro in years. Years. He has to go.

He must go.

… So why the hell won’t his legs move? Kaidoh is creepily hiding behind some tree, looking out over the tennis court he and Momoshiro had agreed to meet up at. He can’t make himself move anymore, he’s still thinking whether or not he should make a run for it, lest he be filled with confusing emotions once more. But he also really wants to play Momoshiro.

When Momoshiro finally does show up, completely unaware that Kaidoh had been there first, he sits down on some stairs and starts fiddling around with his phone.

Kaidoh’s anxiety shoots through the roof, and he’s pretty sure he’s having some kind of panic attack. He can feel his face turn red, and his heart is giving him palpitations. It’s hard to breathe, hard to move, hard to even think. Momoshiro is right there! He could call out to him and then Momoshiro would see Kaidoh lamely trying to hide his whereabouts. And then he’d laugh at Kaidoh, and then Kaidoh would run away, because that’s the only thing he’s good at.

Perhaps Kaidoh should have gotten some advice from his brother or something-he seemed to know what to do when he liked someone.

Not that the likes Momoshiro, obviously.

If that lie were the truth though, Kaidoh would have no problems marching up to Momoshiro right now and play their damn game. But his legs feel like jelly, and his ribcage has a stampede celebrating inside-Kaidoh’s frozen on the spot.

What if it is true? Just looking at Momoshiro like a creep is enough for Kaidoh’s emotions to go haywire. He’s never felt this afraid of someone before, afraid of their reactions, afraid of what he might do himself. What he might feel. He’s afraid of what he might feel for Momoshiro, because he knows that’s not something he should do, and it’s not like Momoshiro would ever think the same of him. Then again, Momoshiro is sitting on some steps waiting for Kaidoh of all people. If Momoshiro truly wanted nothing to do with Kaidoh, then he’d stop sending text messages, and he wouldn’t be waiting for him right now. Yes … Momoshiro obviously, on some level, wants to see Kaidoh and talk to him.

A slimmer of hope wedges itself into Kaidoh’s chest cavity, and he thinks; perhaps, he doesn’t need to be afraid.

Kaidoh gulps down all of his worries and anxiety, and commands his legs to move. The short distance from the tree to Momoshiro feels like the longest walk Kaidoh’s ever crossed. Momoshiro’s back keeps growing bigger and bigger, until he’s right behind him, and the idiot still doesn’t notice him. Momoshiro is engrossed with his cellphone, texting someone. Well, what should Kaidoh do to get his attention? Say hi … or something?

Then he remembers he’s not ever nice to Momoshiro, so he tries to act as normal as possible as he walks past Momoshiro, down the steps, and makes sure his bag hits the back of Momoshiro’s head.

“What the-hey!” Momoshiro frantically looks up, then his expression morphs from annoyance to excitement instead. If Momoshiro were a puppy dog, he’d be wagging his tail right now. “Kaidoh!” he says eagerly. Kaidoh fights the urge to smile back. “What took you so long, jerk.”

Just watching you, Kaidoh thinks. He sets his bag on the ground to start taking out his equipment. He hopes that by distracting himself he can ignore that buoyant feeling in his stomach, and how it keeps flip flopping whenever he looks at Momoshiro. He also hopes by god he’s not blushing anymore. “Let’s just play,” Kaidoh grunts out.

Momoshiro stays put on the stairs, doing nothing but stare at Kaidoh. Knowing Momoshiro’s eyes are on his back, is making his heart beat even faster-that asshole, is he doing it on purpose!? Does he know that this drives Kaidoh crazy … ?

“Yo, Mamushi, got a sunburn or something?” Momoshiro asks with a smug smirk. “Your cheeks are pretty red.”

And just as he says that, Kaidoh’s cheeks sting even more with colour, embarrassment flooding over him for being found out. Kaidoh does whatever Kaidoh does best when he’s being confronted by something embarrassing; he gets angry and confrontational. He quickly grabs his racket and points it at Momoshiro like it’s his weapon, ready to beat him if he says anything more. “Shut up dumbass, get off your fat ass and play me.”

“I’ve got some sunscreen with me if you want to use it!” Momoshiro jokes happily.

Kaidoh throws a tennis ball at his head.

Part 4