Wasted Years
Rant first lol
I can't believe I don't have any money right now. Arrrghh~ I really need to have some...and soon!! T_T Anyone here interested to buy my 47 [LE] DVD and/or WeeeeK [LE] single?? If anyone's interested, pls. email me at himerabupi[at]yahoo[dot]com . The sooner the better. T_T
On with my fic...
Title: Wasted Years
Author: Hime [
cess_chan]
Chapter: [10/?]
Rating: R-16
Pairing: Mainly TegoPi. There's RyoPi and RyoUchi too <3. I mentioned KoyaShige too btw. Lol *gets kicked for leaving Massu all alone* …RyoTego maybe?
Genre: Romance/Angst/some Crack here and there
Summary: Ryo and Pi had been best friends for half of their lives. Lately, they've become best friends with benefits. YamaPi had been quite obsessed about his relationship with his best friend and was totally oblivious of Tegoshi's feelings for him. Ryo, on the other hand, still has feelings for Uchi and is always waiting for the younger boy's return. Find out what happens when Uchi comes back from his suspension…. [ok. So I suck at summaries…please just read the story and skip this part..rofl]
Disclaimer: I wish I am Johnny. That way, I can do whatever I want with the boys. But for now that my wish is being refuse to be granted by the tooth fairy; I'll remain to be…just a fan. The sad reality of life indeed.
A/N: Weird chapter. Weird title. Weird author. OK, so that's all about it. LOL. Kidding.
[ chapter 1][ chapter 2][ chapter 3][chapter 4][ chapter 5][chapter 6][chapter 7][chapter 8][chapter 9][ chapter 11][ chapter 12 part 1][ chapter 12 part 2]
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Chapter 10. The Sea, the Night and the Realizations
"Let's stop."
The five guys' attention shifted to the youngest one sitting on the divan at this. Tegoshi sat there with both feet on the divan, arms wrapped around his knees with his face burrowed in it. This position made the boy seem much smaller than his real built and made him look fragile to any person's touch.
"What is it Tego-nyan?" Ryo asked softly.
Tegoshi raised his face to look at Ryo. He wanted to thank his sempai for doing all these for him but he couldn't seem to talk for his lips won't stop trembling and he's afraid that if he did talk, he won't be able to stop himself from crying.
"Doushitano Tegoshi?" Massu approached. Seeing his friend in this state worries him a lot. He didn't know what's happening but he's sure of one thing: that he never wanted to see Tegoshi like this ever again. "Ne, I don't know what's going on but cheer up!"
Koyama smiled at Massu's words. Somehow proud that the boy could understand his friend even if Tegoshi didn't tell him anything about his dilemma and the things that happened in the few days that passed.
"Let's stop this now Nishikido-kun." Tegoshi said in a small voice. He was able to control himself from crying but the sobbed that escaped his lips continued to bother the five other people in the room. Tegoshi tried to put on a smile to cover up for the sob but the others already knew what he really felt that moment.
Ryo sighed, sitting beside Tegoshi in the process. "Why stop now? We're almost there, ne Tegoshi? Wouldn't you want to be with P?"
"Sou dayo ne. Why do you want to stop now?" Koyama added.
Tegoshi buried his face on his palms as the others closed around him. He didn't want to cry but he can already feel the tears gathering in his eyes. He wanted them to disappear. He wanted to be happy and forget all these. Tegoshi clenched his eyes tight as the tears began to roll down his cheeks, wishing that he'll be able to forget his feelings for his sempai and be able to live a normal life again.
"Tegoshi…" Uchi said, patting the boy's shoulders which were now shaking from his crying. Ryo released another sigh as the room was filled with the sound of Tegoshi's sobbing. He wanted to do something to ease the boy's pain but he's afraid that he'll only be causing him more pain than comfort.
"It's useless… I thought we were succeeding but… We're not. He-- he's jealous, alright. But then, he's jealous because Ryo-chan's with me and not with him…" Tegoshi explained between his sobs.
"What are you saying?? It's not like that at all. I know he has feelings for you too... Do you have doubts with my judgment Tego-nyan?" Ryo asked, raising Tegoshi's chin to have a proper look at the boy.
"I'll forget him. It'll be hard but I have to or I will suffer even more… If I can forget him then I won't be hurting whenever I see him at work or anywhere else." Tegoshi muttered, avoiding Ryo's intent gaze on him.
"Tegoshi, you didn't answer my question earlier," Ryo began. "And what if you failed at forgetting him? What then? And if ever you're able to forget him, is it OK for you to just throw all those years you've spent with him away? If you're OK with all those then it'll all be wasted. Well I don't really care since it's not my life but yours."
"And you're evil and busy to be bothered by such things…" Uchi added, trying to get some reaction from the younger boy.
Ryo nodded, joining the little game Uchi started. "Sou. I'm evil so if you really want to stop then I'll stop. Just don't go asking me to help you with this again Tego-nyan."
The two Kansai-born idols succeeded in their game as Tegoshi bit his lip in confusion. The boy lowered his head, eyes shut tight and palms sweating hard. It wasn't long when he heard the familiar buzzing sound in his head. In the darkness, he could see different colors and shapes and Tegoshi took comfort in it, trying hard to escape from the harshness of reality.
"Tegoshi?"
Tegoshi raised his head to see Shige crouching in front of him with a worried look plastered on his face. He must have dozed off a bit since he's feeling slightly disoriented. Looking around, he only saw Massu and Koyama on either side of Shige and no trace of Ryo and Uchi.
"They're upstairs already." Shige said, answering his silent question.
"… It's the end then…" Tegoshi tried putting on his signature smile, succeeding and failing at the same time. Sure, it's his usual oh-so-happy Tesshi smile but the people who witnessed it there knew what he really felt behind that smile.
Koyama patted the boy on his shoulder."It's what you wanted."
"… I'm worried though,"
Tegoshi, Koyama and Shige turned to Massu at this. "Why?"
Massu sighed. "I can see that I'm the only one who knows nothing with what's happening but I'm worried about Yamashita-kun…"
Tegoshi lowered his head in the mention of YamaPi's name. "Why are you worried about him?"
"Well, he'd been drinking for hours alrea--"
"What? Where?!" Koyama asked, cutting off Massu.
"Uh… Since Nishikido-kun entered the beach house? Or maybe 20 or 30 minutes after that… I saw Yamashita-kun carrying a lot of beer. It seems that he went to the nearby konbini to buy them."
"Why did you net tell this to us earlier? Where is he now?" Koyama questioned again.
"Probably still at the beach," Massu winced, backing off a little from Koyama.
"Guys," Shige started.
"What?"
"He's not there. Yamashita-kun. He's not there…" Shige mused, pointing at the beer cases along the shore but there's no YamaPi in sight. Tegoshi immediately stood up from his seat, mind blank and legs wobbling, he joined the other three at the doorway only to find a bunch of beer cases on the dark beach and nothing else.
"Yamashita-kun…"
------
He'd been walking for what seemed like hours already and he's sure that he'd been drinking long before that. For what reason? That, he doesn't know. There's something he knows for sure though, that drinking and walking would somehow make him feel better and make him forget his pain. A pain in which the cause is unknown. Or maybe, he just doesn't want to acknowledge that cause.
Determined to ease the pain he's feeling, he ended up on the far side of the beach without even noticing it. YamaPi stopped on his tracks and looked back only to find nothing there. He squint his eyes and tried to see if he can still spot even the faint outline of the beach house but he failed miserably. Not only did he walk that far, he also walked a lot that he didn't realize that the sun is nowhere to be found too.
Fuck, he thought as he tried checking the time on his wrist watch. Double the fuck, he cursed again as he realized that he couldn't see the time displayed on his watch because of the darkness.
Out of frustration, he raised the beer bottle he was holding to drink all of its' content in one go. For the second time in the 2 minutes that passed, YamaPi failed. "Nanda kore?!" He snapped, throwing the beer bottle into the sea.
YamaPi remained motionless as he stare into space, his mind, now refusing to do its' work. Scratching hi head ruefully, YamaPi started walking towards the sea in darkness. In his mind, the calmness of the sea and the darkness of the night is welcoming him, urging him to continue, washes his pain away in every step he takes.
That was when he realized that the sea is his panacea. One that can make him feel better anytime. The one place where he'll always feel at home and at peace. The only place where it all started and now, where everything will end…
------
It was dawn before they can even realize it. They were all busy searching for their leader who disappeared the night before. Everyone was tense and worried as they search for YamaPi. And as the sun began to rise, their hope in finding their leader began to fade.
"If only his footprints weren't washed away by the sea…" Ryo said his head hung low, not wanting the others to see the tears threatening to escape from his eyes.
Tegoshi bit his lower lip at this. He looked around the others' faces and began to feel guilty with YamaPi's disappearance. If only I could dictate my heart…
"Go-gomen nasai minna!" Tegoshi bowed low. He remained like that for a whole minute before rushing back to the beach house with a tear-strained face. Massu, worried about his friend, tried to follow Tegoshi but Koyama held him back with a firm hold on his arm. "Let's leave him alone for now."
"Demo…"
"We still need to find P," Ryo reminded them.
The others nodded at this and began searching for their leader, each of them praying that YamaPi's safe wherever he is that time.
------
The sea gave him a hell of a welcome indeed. The waves greeted him happily as they made a 'slap' sound against his skin. There isn't a single sharp object on the shore and he's thankful for that since he hadn't been wearing anything for his feet.
The water finally reached his waist and his shirt is now soaked as well but that didn't stop him from walking. It was sometime in the middle of the night when the waves started to be more aggressive. The gentle slapping sound it made against his skin were nowhere to be found as the waves became bigger. It came, one after another. The waves got bigger and stronger, drowning him with their size, burying him under all those water.
The waves kept on coming still. It was never-ending. It was infinite. Yet, he didn't scream for help nor did he try escaping them.
For him, being swallowed by the waves in the darkness is nothing compared to being swallowed by his emotions. His mixed-up feelings. The confusion. The trust. The friendship. The love… Everything. And as another wave buried him under the water, YamaPi clenched his eyes tight, wondering where his life had gone wrong.
------
Tegoshi stood panting at the doorway of his and YamaPi's room. He stood there for awhile, trying to catch his breath and collect his thoughts. As his gaze settled on the familiar picture on the bedside table, he realized that he can never give up his love for his sempai. No matter how hurt he is; no matter how hard it is being with him. He'll always be by that person's side.
Tegoshi sat on the bed and picked up the said picture which had hurt him for so long. Just like a de'javu, the feelings he felt the first time he saw the picture after he and YamaPi made love all came back to him. This time, it caused him more pain than the first.
Looking at the happy face of his beloved sempai in that picture brought an immeasurable amount of pain to Tegoshi. The longer he looks at Ryo and YamaPi's picture, the more he is convinced that he can never be loved like that by YamaPi.
Even so, his feelings didn't change. His wishful thinking about forgetting his feelings for YamaPi were nothing but wishful thinking. In his heart, he never wanted to forget anything about his love, about his sempai. In his heart, he is happy being by that person's side. In his heart, he knew that all those years he spent with him weren't wasted. In his heart, he knows that someday…sometime, his feelings will be returned by that person he love the most.
"Tegoshi!! We found him! We found YamaPi!!" Massu announced from the doorway. "What's that?" He asked seeing the frame Tegoshi's holding.
Tegoshi stood up in a hurry and placed the frame faced-down on the table. "Nothing."
"Yama--" Massu started. He didn't get the chance to continue though for Tegoshi has already pushed passed him to see their leader.
"Yamashita-kun is being carried back so you don't have to go down…" Massu finished.
------
Ahhh~ finished chapter 10. LOL. I'm still having trouble with chapter 11 so please be patient after this. Hahaha. Anyway, comments and criticisms are very much welcome. Sorry if there isn't much romance and err…it's all drama and angst. Lol. I'm addicted to Last Friends. That's why *OK, what kind of reason is that?* XDDDD To all those who are reading this fic, thanks thanks thanks thanks soooo much. Lol. You know yourselves so I don't need to mention each and everyone fo you. Or do you guys want your name to be mentioned? It's fine with me, that way I can do that on my next update.rofl.
Go go go go go Sousuke!!!
Sadistic Ryo = Masochist Hime ..purrrr-fect <3 *shuts up before she gets chased by mob* XDDDD
I can't believe I don't have any money right now. Arrrghh~ I really need to have some...and soon!! T_T Anyone here interested to buy my 47 [LE] DVD and/or WeeeeK [LE] single?? If anyone's interested, pls. email me at himerabupi[at]yahoo[dot]com . The sooner the better. T_T
On with my fic...
Title: Wasted Years
Author: Hime [
cess_chan]
Chapter: [10/?]
Rating: R-16
Pairing: Mainly TegoPi. There's RyoPi and RyoUchi too <3. I mentioned KoyaShige too btw. Lol *gets kicked for leaving Massu all alone* …RyoTego maybe?
Genre: Romance/Angst/some Crack here and there
Summary: Ryo and Pi had been best friends for half of their lives. Lately, they've become best friends with benefits. YamaPi had been quite obsessed about his relationship with his best friend and was totally oblivious of Tegoshi's feelings for him. Ryo, on the other hand, still has feelings for Uchi and is always waiting for the younger boy's return. Find out what happens when Uchi comes back from his suspension…. [ok. So I suck at summaries…please just read the story and skip this part..rofl]
Disclaimer: I wish I am Johnny. That way, I can do whatever I want with the boys. But for now that my wish is being refuse to be granted by the tooth fairy; I'll remain to be…just a fan. The sad reality of life indeed.
A/N: Weird chapter. Weird title. Weird author. OK, so that's all about it. LOL. Kidding.
[ chapter 1][ chapter 2][ chapter 3][chapter 4][ chapter 5][chapter 6][chapter 7][chapter 8][chapter 9][ chapter 11][ chapter 12 part 1][ chapter 12 part 2]
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Chapter 10. The Sea, the Night and the Realizations
"Let's stop."
The five guys' attention shifted to the youngest one sitting on the divan at this. Tegoshi sat there with both feet on the divan, arms wrapped around his knees with his face burrowed in it. This position made the boy seem much smaller than his real built and made him look fragile to any person's touch.
"What is it Tego-nyan?" Ryo asked softly.
Tegoshi raised his face to look at Ryo. He wanted to thank his sempai for doing all these for him but he couldn't seem to talk for his lips won't stop trembling and he's afraid that if he did talk, he won't be able to stop himself from crying.
"Doushitano Tegoshi?" Massu approached. Seeing his friend in this state worries him a lot. He didn't know what's happening but he's sure of one thing: that he never wanted to see Tegoshi like this ever again. "Ne, I don't know what's going on but cheer up!"
Koyama smiled at Massu's words. Somehow proud that the boy could understand his friend even if Tegoshi didn't tell him anything about his dilemma and the things that happened in the few days that passed.
"Let's stop this now Nishikido-kun." Tegoshi said in a small voice. He was able to control himself from crying but the sobbed that escaped his lips continued to bother the five other people in the room. Tegoshi tried to put on a smile to cover up for the sob but the others already knew what he really felt that moment.
Ryo sighed, sitting beside Tegoshi in the process. "Why stop now? We're almost there, ne Tegoshi? Wouldn't you want to be with P?"
"Sou dayo ne. Why do you want to stop now?" Koyama added.
Tegoshi buried his face on his palms as the others closed around him. He didn't want to cry but he can already feel the tears gathering in his eyes. He wanted them to disappear. He wanted to be happy and forget all these. Tegoshi clenched his eyes tight as the tears began to roll down his cheeks, wishing that he'll be able to forget his feelings for his sempai and be able to live a normal life again.
"Tegoshi…" Uchi said, patting the boy's shoulders which were now shaking from his crying. Ryo released another sigh as the room was filled with the sound of Tegoshi's sobbing. He wanted to do something to ease the boy's pain but he's afraid that he'll only be causing him more pain than comfort.
"It's useless… I thought we were succeeding but… We're not. He-- he's jealous, alright. But then, he's jealous because Ryo-chan's with me and not with him…" Tegoshi explained between his sobs.
"What are you saying?? It's not like that at all. I know he has feelings for you too... Do you have doubts with my judgment Tego-nyan?" Ryo asked, raising Tegoshi's chin to have a proper look at the boy.
"I'll forget him. It'll be hard but I have to or I will suffer even more… If I can forget him then I won't be hurting whenever I see him at work or anywhere else." Tegoshi muttered, avoiding Ryo's intent gaze on him.
"Tegoshi, you didn't answer my question earlier," Ryo began. "And what if you failed at forgetting him? What then? And if ever you're able to forget him, is it OK for you to just throw all those years you've spent with him away? If you're OK with all those then it'll all be wasted. Well I don't really care since it's not my life but yours."
"And you're evil and busy to be bothered by such things…" Uchi added, trying to get some reaction from the younger boy.
Ryo nodded, joining the little game Uchi started. "Sou. I'm evil so if you really want to stop then I'll stop. Just don't go asking me to help you with this again Tego-nyan."
The two Kansai-born idols succeeded in their game as Tegoshi bit his lip in confusion. The boy lowered his head, eyes shut tight and palms sweating hard. It wasn't long when he heard the familiar buzzing sound in his head. In the darkness, he could see different colors and shapes and Tegoshi took comfort in it, trying hard to escape from the harshness of reality.
"Tegoshi?"
Tegoshi raised his head to see Shige crouching in front of him with a worried look plastered on his face. He must have dozed off a bit since he's feeling slightly disoriented. Looking around, he only saw Massu and Koyama on either side of Shige and no trace of Ryo and Uchi.
"They're upstairs already." Shige said, answering his silent question.
"… It's the end then…" Tegoshi tried putting on his signature smile, succeeding and failing at the same time. Sure, it's his usual oh-so-happy Tesshi smile but the people who witnessed it there knew what he really felt behind that smile.
Koyama patted the boy on his shoulder."It's what you wanted."
"… I'm worried though,"
Tegoshi, Koyama and Shige turned to Massu at this. "Why?"
Massu sighed. "I can see that I'm the only one who knows nothing with what's happening but I'm worried about Yamashita-kun…"
Tegoshi lowered his head in the mention of YamaPi's name. "Why are you worried about him?"
"Well, he'd been drinking for hours alrea--"
"What? Where?!" Koyama asked, cutting off Massu.
"Uh… Since Nishikido-kun entered the beach house? Or maybe 20 or 30 minutes after that… I saw Yamashita-kun carrying a lot of beer. It seems that he went to the nearby konbini to buy them."
"Why did you net tell this to us earlier? Where is he now?" Koyama questioned again.
"Probably still at the beach," Massu winced, backing off a little from Koyama.
"Guys," Shige started.
"What?"
"He's not there. Yamashita-kun. He's not there…" Shige mused, pointing at the beer cases along the shore but there's no YamaPi in sight. Tegoshi immediately stood up from his seat, mind blank and legs wobbling, he joined the other three at the doorway only to find a bunch of beer cases on the dark beach and nothing else.
"Yamashita-kun…"
------
He'd been walking for what seemed like hours already and he's sure that he'd been drinking long before that. For what reason? That, he doesn't know. There's something he knows for sure though, that drinking and walking would somehow make him feel better and make him forget his pain. A pain in which the cause is unknown. Or maybe, he just doesn't want to acknowledge that cause.
Determined to ease the pain he's feeling, he ended up on the far side of the beach without even noticing it. YamaPi stopped on his tracks and looked back only to find nothing there. He squint his eyes and tried to see if he can still spot even the faint outline of the beach house but he failed miserably. Not only did he walk that far, he also walked a lot that he didn't realize that the sun is nowhere to be found too.
Fuck, he thought as he tried checking the time on his wrist watch. Double the fuck, he cursed again as he realized that he couldn't see the time displayed on his watch because of the darkness.
Out of frustration, he raised the beer bottle he was holding to drink all of its' content in one go. For the second time in the 2 minutes that passed, YamaPi failed. "Nanda kore?!" He snapped, throwing the beer bottle into the sea.
YamaPi remained motionless as he stare into space, his mind, now refusing to do its' work. Scratching hi head ruefully, YamaPi started walking towards the sea in darkness. In his mind, the calmness of the sea and the darkness of the night is welcoming him, urging him to continue, washes his pain away in every step he takes.
That was when he realized that the sea is his panacea. One that can make him feel better anytime. The one place where he'll always feel at home and at peace. The only place where it all started and now, where everything will end…
------
It was dawn before they can even realize it. They were all busy searching for their leader who disappeared the night before. Everyone was tense and worried as they search for YamaPi. And as the sun began to rise, their hope in finding their leader began to fade.
"If only his footprints weren't washed away by the sea…" Ryo said his head hung low, not wanting the others to see the tears threatening to escape from his eyes.
Tegoshi bit his lower lip at this. He looked around the others' faces and began to feel guilty with YamaPi's disappearance. If only I could dictate my heart…
"Go-gomen nasai minna!" Tegoshi bowed low. He remained like that for a whole minute before rushing back to the beach house with a tear-strained face. Massu, worried about his friend, tried to follow Tegoshi but Koyama held him back with a firm hold on his arm. "Let's leave him alone for now."
"Demo…"
"We still need to find P," Ryo reminded them.
The others nodded at this and began searching for their leader, each of them praying that YamaPi's safe wherever he is that time.
------
The sea gave him a hell of a welcome indeed. The waves greeted him happily as they made a 'slap' sound against his skin. There isn't a single sharp object on the shore and he's thankful for that since he hadn't been wearing anything for his feet.
The water finally reached his waist and his shirt is now soaked as well but that didn't stop him from walking. It was sometime in the middle of the night when the waves started to be more aggressive. The gentle slapping sound it made against his skin were nowhere to be found as the waves became bigger. It came, one after another. The waves got bigger and stronger, drowning him with their size, burying him under all those water.
The waves kept on coming still. It was never-ending. It was infinite. Yet, he didn't scream for help nor did he try escaping them.
For him, being swallowed by the waves in the darkness is nothing compared to being swallowed by his emotions. His mixed-up feelings. The confusion. The trust. The friendship. The love… Everything. And as another wave buried him under the water, YamaPi clenched his eyes tight, wondering where his life had gone wrong.
------
Tegoshi stood panting at the doorway of his and YamaPi's room. He stood there for awhile, trying to catch his breath and collect his thoughts. As his gaze settled on the familiar picture on the bedside table, he realized that he can never give up his love for his sempai. No matter how hurt he is; no matter how hard it is being with him. He'll always be by that person's side.
Tegoshi sat on the bed and picked up the said picture which had hurt him for so long. Just like a de'javu, the feelings he felt the first time he saw the picture after he and YamaPi made love all came back to him. This time, it caused him more pain than the first.
Looking at the happy face of his beloved sempai in that picture brought an immeasurable amount of pain to Tegoshi. The longer he looks at Ryo and YamaPi's picture, the more he is convinced that he can never be loved like that by YamaPi.
Even so, his feelings didn't change. His wishful thinking about forgetting his feelings for YamaPi were nothing but wishful thinking. In his heart, he never wanted to forget anything about his love, about his sempai. In his heart, he is happy being by that person's side. In his heart, he knew that all those years he spent with him weren't wasted. In his heart, he knows that someday…sometime, his feelings will be returned by that person he love the most.
"Tegoshi!! We found him! We found YamaPi!!" Massu announced from the doorway. "What's that?" He asked seeing the frame Tegoshi's holding.
Tegoshi stood up in a hurry and placed the frame faced-down on the table. "Nothing."
"Yama--" Massu started. He didn't get the chance to continue though for Tegoshi has already pushed passed him to see their leader.
"Yamashita-kun is being carried back so you don't have to go down…" Massu finished.
------
Ahhh~ finished chapter 10. LOL. I'm still having trouble with chapter 11 so please be patient after this. Hahaha. Anyway, comments and criticisms are very much welcome. Sorry if there isn't much romance and err…it's all drama and angst. Lol. I'm addicted to Last Friends. That's why *OK, what kind of reason is that?* XDDDD To all those who are reading this fic, thanks thanks thanks thanks soooo much. Lol. You know yourselves so I don't need to mention each and everyone fo you. Or do you guys want your name to be mentioned? It's fine with me, that way I can do that on my next update.rofl.
Go go go go go Sousuke!!!
Sadistic Ryo = Masochist Hime ..purrrr-fect <3 *shuts up before she gets chased by mob* XDDDD