It is now the 11th week of quarantine.  It is a surreal life and existence.  It is like being sucked into a vortex of same day relived, every day.  It is getting more and more difficult to create order or routine in a world that exists within the confines of my yard.  Expectations are low, responsibilities minimal, and the motivation and drive to ( Read more... )

So, not so great at journaling everyday, but trying not to beat myself up about what I am not doing and celebrating what I am doing.

I didn't sleep last night.  Not sure why.  My mind just would not relax enough.  I managed to watch a number of really great movies on Amazon Prime to keep me busy.  The matchmaker documentary was truly fascinating ( Read more... )

This has been a particularly emotional week.  Not for any particular reason, it just seems that everything seems to strike me emotionally.  The wrong look, the wrong response, the cute puppy commercial.  Everything sets me off to tears.  Some may seem like logical reasons for being emotional, but most of the time, there is no particular reason for ( Read more... )

What am I going to do!! Tomorrow is the very last day of camp. I have absolutely NOTHING planned after this. Her preschool is not continuing next year and I have to do a search for some place now for the fall and hope all the spots aren't already taken, I need to get summer plans before I pull my hair out, and I have to find the $ to do all this ( Read more... )

I walk around all day, my eyes opening a little less as each day passes. But yet, here it is at 6:15 in the morning, and I just cannot seem to sleep. The few hours I did sleep were filled with constant, vivid dreams. I don't remember much of them, but enough to keep me from feeling rested. Perhaps I can talk to my dr. (okay, I will be talking ( Read more... )

"Mercy" isn't that what we used to yell as kids when the play had gotten to the point that we quit? We used to play wrestle all the time, and somehow, I used to frequently be the "mercy" caller. I was tough, but just not a physical fighter. My fight strength was always more internal ( Read more... )

A deep sadness fills my heart today. It is not my physical discomfort, my loss, regrets, or sense of what could have been, but the indescribable pain I see on my little girl's face. Her precious smile, youthful laugh, naive love of everything that has been replaced by trying to understand something she never should have had to. It is hard to go ( Read more... )

Wow, it has been a really long time since I hav eeither posted or read my journal. It is amazing how much mental and physical energy a one year old can zap from you. I think back at when Elyse was this age, and I remember being a basket case. She was on her feet all the time, in to everything, and always on the go. Now, having 2 with one in to ( Read more... )

Just testing my upload ability.

Need I say more?