Everything gets a little more funny when you feel like the walking dead.

I have cabin fever.

Plus side: Michael is 7 weeks old.
Not-so-Plus side: Michael is 7 weeks old.

I want him to stay little. FOR-EV-ER. He can learn to walk and talk but he must stay the same size. No one ever says, "Oh look what a cute 8-year old you have!". So no. growing. up.

1.If your being extremely quiet what's it mean ( Read more... )

Holy crow! I came back. Who knows for how long; it's hard to remember to update with a day full of diaper changes. That's my new job: Mommy. And I love it. ...Except for the poop. I now officially avoid spicy brown mustard. So thanks, Michael. You little bastard ( Read more... )

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During an online conversation with my brother, I end up mentioning Sock'em Boppers and decide to search for them, for lack of anything better to do. The search leads me to Amazon, where they kindly invite me to search for more "Novelty Amusement Toys"....I'm betting that the amusement comes more from looking at the weird crap that's on Amazon ( Read more... )

After spot-washing my work clothes: "I can't go to shirt with a wet work."

...I need to stop drinking for a couple of nights.

• I almost peed on my apron strings today. Twice.

• When I ask you something while I'm not looking at you, you can't possibly expect that you can nod and I will hear it.

• Once I ring you up and have already taken your money, don't search around in your purse for five minutes for that onepenny that will "even out" the change I'm supposed to give you. We ( Read more... )

Whee, I'm 21. Whee, hooray, yo momma.

...I don't know where the fuck my mind went, but I'm missing it right about now.

Last night we were doing laundry and had our clothes just finish in the dryer. Apparently some other man was doing laundry as well, so we were rushing to get our stuff out because we're courteous like that and also he was just ( Read more... )

Just a bunch of things floating around in my head that aren't enough to make up individual, interesting posts all by themselves.

1. I'm sick of this "I pick and eat boogers" shit that keeps leading people to my Wordpress. I did, however, have a friend who ate them. When we were six. Grow up. They might be salty, but so are peanuts.

2. The spellcheck ( Read more... )

Baby Born in Mom's Pants

If you don't feel like reading the whole thing, a) no big deal, but b) you're fucking lazy. It's like three paragraphs. But I'll sum it up anyways--there's only one important line:
"'I didn't know what happened until he was in my pant leg.'"

This begs so many questions, for example:

• Was she a large woman?
  
• What kind of ( Read more... )