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"come back to highschool, we need a good dose of asshole"
today was a whirlwind speed.
woke up and worked out for about a half hour
got ready and went to school.
didnt get much done before my class.
after class i went on about a 20 or 25 minute long walk with someon whom i hope will become a close friend one day.
came home and fought off a binge.
i had my mouth stuffed with cookies and i refused to swallow.
spit ( Read more... ) -
"I have wept, and fasted, and wept"
i am watching unwrapped on foodnetwork.
telling myself it doesnt look good, liees.
i wish this flu would go away.
i want to work out more.
i did my usual floor workouts and then some yoga and walking.
iv had a handful of panic attacks today.
my mind goes insane when i think back.
i know she is trying to make me talk about them.
i probably should.
but when ( Read more... ) -
they say it all adds up, but i've never been one for math.
today was a blur.
m.d put me on a med they use on people who have abused narcotics to make there system move more.
and if it doesnt work i get to start shooting myself up 3 times a day with meds.
no more teenybopper business.
school.
l.p.n asked me a lot about my dad. and we will call it the 'ouch' in december
both lurk in the deepest corners of my mind ( Read more... ) -
an apple a day keeps my stomach at play.
heading to the doctor. appointment one of three today.
i wont say 'fuck my life' because its my own fault.
i may be going into appointments two and three
either: A. stoned off my ass.
or B. tripping on xanex and addarol.
but i've been half heartedly attempting to stop that silly business.
i found out today im going to my old highschools homecoming.
too ( Read more... ) -
thrashing noises and body systems.
the days over ( Read more... ) -
ill tell you where i lost all control after i gain it
the winds blowing in bursts through my room.
i have the shade down because i dont want any light in.
but the window open because i feel too closed in.
im wearing leggings, yoga pants and baggy sweats.
sock boots,
under armour, a long sleeved T and a sweater.
and fingerless gloves, and a head scarf, all wrapped up in a fleece blanket.
i cant escape the ( Read more... ) -
pale orange beads in purple drink.
when i woke up this morning i wasnt sure if i got hit by a bus, a train, or that dream that a deer ran be over was real.
my muscles felt like they were locked up, my throart was so sore and swollen, my ears hurt, one side of my nose is clogged, which is just annoying, and i feel dehydrated. so i didnt move. i just stirred for the first time about ( Read more... ) -
(Untitled)
hm i sent in an entry via text friday. it must not have worked.
well friday in chicago was fun, i felt sick all day.
apparently i have yet another impaction.
so saturday i picked up my script for golytly.
drink the 2 gallons of it and it didnt work.
it was horrible. i felt so full from it but nothing was moving
i started puking and got cramps
and slept on ( Read more... ) -
i want to wash my hands in bleach
why am i suddenly acting like im fourteen again.
im waiting for my parents to go to sleep so i can sneak out and go run.
it is way past time for me to move out.
gi doctor is putting a tube in me sometime next week
getting xrays tomorrow morning.
first night in a while i havent been on drugs.
i cant stand what my weights done.
i can feel myself retaining ( Read more... ) -
(Untitled)
again im in my window.
took a combination of caffeine pills and xanex.
im not flying, im not crashing, im bobbing i suppose.
i feel like im crashing into space.
this bout of binging and purging has taken a drastic toll.
i have forgotten how unforgiving bulimia is compaired to my usual restricting.
i refuse to ever refer to myself as anorexic.
i dont know ( Read more... )