I can't havdle being alone I am a blubbering mess. With every car that drives by I wish It's him but it's not. I don't know what to do with my self, I have no friends to turn to, no one to call, so I feel so alone.

I detest myself for being so stupid and pathetic I allowed myself to be tricked and become a victim. I don't want to think of myself as a victim, but reality has hit me like a blow to the stomach. It is truly pathetic how I have become trained like a devoted, obediant dog the follows every cammond ordered by my master. I always become so nervous ( Read more... )

I can't seem to get away from him, he's everywhere. He has absorbed my life into his, and repeatedly tried to mold me into who he wants me to be, and he is succeeding. I keep forgetting who I am. I cry every day for a way out. My mom isn;t able to help they are filing bankruptcy and losing there house. Soon I will have no place to live. ( Read more... )

With each day feelings worsen, thought increase, privacy decreases, hope depleates. If I'm this depressed now, what will it be like after the baby is born and I get PP depression... It's in God's hands then. I know what I have to do to help me out of this but leaving here isn't so easy to do, when I have no place to go or noway to get there. I ( Read more... )

Well I am back at my mom's again, this time on the couch and not in my own room. It's actually one of those love seat things, not long enough. Sunday Ed beat me up pretty good and wouldn't let me leave. I honestly started to think that he was going to keep me there forever. All I wanted to do was leave, just drive around for a few minutes but ( Read more... )

Tomarrow is the big day. I am so nervous. I keep trying to think of all the last minute details that need to be figured out. My sister is coming up today and she is actually excited to be in it. I was a little hesitant to ask her, but after I did she seemed happy and willing to wear a dress. I have everything that I can think of ready, I am ( Read more... )

After a few weeks of discussing it, Ed and I agreed to get married. Although there are times where I feel as though I am making the wrong choice, I am happy about it. I'm indecisive. Everyday I cotemplate if I am making the right choice or not. I guess I always figured that I would marry J. But things have changed alot over the years and even ( Read more... )

I just don't know how much more of this I can take. My anxiety is overwhelming, I think I need to go into a hospital for a little while but I am not insured. CMH has been dragging their feet to get me in to see a psyciatrist and now it has been two months since I have had any meds. I am so depressed my periods have stopped, and I feel sick all ( Read more... )

Friday is a big day for Ed and I we get to move to our own place. YAY!!!!!!! No more of my family eating all of tthe food I buy. Tomarrow is Ed's b-day and he doesn't want me to do anything for him or do anything special, which is easy but then It's no fun. Friday I get to go to the Doctors and see what is wrong with me. My mom and her friend ( Read more... )

I try to make the best out of staying here but it has been very difficult. I have tried to go through several clinics and med accesses to get my anti depressants but I have had no luck. Even with CMH. I can't get into an appointment until late september, so needless to say I have been out of my anti depressants for over a month now. At first the ( Read more... )