A car with excessive bumper stickers on it will always prove to be a terrible driver, not, however, a car with an excessive amount of private school/prep school/college stickers on its back windshield; they are just entitled.

If you see an aged Cadillac/Lincoln boat-like vehicle being driven by a stout black woman, steer clear; she is a horrible ( Read more... )

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Dear Dr. Cullen,
I must apologize for my monosyllabic and tepid responses to your vibrant and engaging chatter yesterday during my appointment.

I did want to chat about your alma mater, North Carolina and its upsetting loss in the NCAA tournament; I did want to laugh about the fierce rivalry with Duke. I did want to talk about those great shoes that ( Read more... )

I have a theory that once a person awakens in the morning no matter how early it may seem, it is futile to go back to sleep, since that time will usually be spent dreaming wacky, exhausting dreams.

Case in point:  I woke up this morning fully intending to go out running, but then stalled for about 15 minutes at which time I dreamed about a mass ( Read more... )

The age-old quesion, with a slight variation...

As I headed out to run yesterday about 6 a.m., I noticed an animal "blob" at the top of our driveway.  As I got closer it didn't seem to be a normal road blob - was it a dead goose?  a quail?  Oh, ugh, it was one of our chickens.  So I headed back inside to get help (read -male help!) in removing it ( Read more... )

Problem: 
Hidden in the back of the refrigerator are 5 strawberries, just about past their prime.

Possible Solutions:
Toss them to the chickens as a little treat for them.  Time/effort requirement:  10 seconds to walk to end of deck.
Eat them. Time effort requirement:  Neglible
Use them in a strawberry cake roll recipe.  Time/effort requirement:  2 ( Read more... )

I used to think I would like to live in a neighborhood.  Such friendliness, such cheery waves on our quiet streets, such comraderie in the borrowing of foodstuffs.  However, I have come to the realization that if I did find myself in such a crowded conclave of lives, I would eventually be asked to leave.

Yes, it is true -- I cannot stop peeking at ( Read more... )

So I was examining some spot on my face in the car's little pull-down mirror, what spot, what reason is not really important to this little tale.  It was a bit frightening seeing your face up close like that in bad lighting, in a fake mirror at that - what is it? Pressed aluminum?

Anyway, what to my horror did I see but several gray hairs quite ( Read more... )

Be advised that the large mirror in Black Market White Something grossly exaggerates the size of a shopper's rear.  It is only kind to females under the age of 25.

Also note that the mirror does not look kindly upon the stylish qualities of Crocs, however, strappy black shoes with 4" heels look appropriate at all times of day.

I
Accumulated expenses to date dealing with smelly rug:

(Def. "smelly":  (1) old, wet dog; (2) throw-up; (3) anything that makes your nose wrinkle upon contact with it.)

$200 to purchase rug cleaning machine from Lowe's.
$15 to purchase additional bottle of rug shampoo, having used up the very small "sample" bottle that came with the machine.
$2 for a ( Read more... )