So tomorrow I'm heading to Ann Arbor to see a gastroenterologist. I'm nervous. I'm scared that they won't find anything and this will be a waste. I've been extremely nauseous and in pain since before August, and it's gotten to the point where I usually can't even get out of bed anymore except to use the bathroom. Even doing normal things like ( Read more... )

I said a lot of things that have been on my mind today. Unfortunately, I think I may have offended quite a few people....

I've been sick and miserable all day. I blame everything on that.

It's been forever since I've blogged. I think I started up for a little while about two or three years ago and then stopped again. So many things have changed. There are lots of new people in my life, and a lot of others that are now gone from it. Some, I miss terribly, and others I know that our distance is for the best. I'm not thrilled with my ( Read more... )

I'm not sure how much longer I can stand being alone. I need someone. I want someone to help me through this. I want someone I can love and that I can be sure of. I just don't see myself being able to be sure of anyone. Every time I start to get close to a guy, I just want to run away.

Why don't I deserve to have a halfway normal life, or any life at all? Why don't I deserve to be happy at least half of the time? Why don't I deserve to have a guy who loves me for me and will stand by me no matter what happens? Why does everyone else get to be happy but me?

I wonder how many times I've been at the "I don't want to live like this anymore" point.

Nights are just horrible.

Okay, so my internet was being weird yesterday and I was out until midnight so I didn't get to write yesterday ( Read more... )

Today's good things ( Read more... )

So, Capt. Dawn told me that I should be thinking of at least one good thing that as happened every day. I figured that since it's a new year that I would try to start that and I'll put it in this journal. I missed yesterday, so I'll try to remember the best I can ( Read more... )

I think I need to stop fantasizing. My heart is starting to become delusional. Stupid stupid thing, wanting things it shouldn't want, that aren't even actually real. I'm not sure I know how to stop, though. It's kind of just become habit to let my mind wander and imagine "what if ( Read more... )