fuck the past 6 years

allgoesonward

"there is such a thing as cockeyed optimism
that overlooks all
basic problems just for
the sake of
itself-
this is a shield and a
sickness."

this is pretty much what I have been thinking for the past 5 months
would like to switch directions.

I think my last train of real, coherent, conscious thought has gone off the tracks. in saying this I'm not declaring myself insane. just incredibly, inexplicably empty. I think insanity would be more comforting.

"gradually, and then suddenly."
that's exactly how it goes

"Enjoy life! It is better to be happy than wise."
hahahahahaha
so I'm realizing.

"the best often die by their own hand
just to get away,
and those left behind
can never quite understand
why anybody
would ever want to
get away
from
them"
- why can't all alcoholics be like Bukowski?
wisdom should not have any negative connotations. but it does. ( Read more... )

this is completely pointless

started reading Prozac Nation over the weekend, got up to about page 47 (it was Jane's book, not mine), was not at all amazed at how I already completely understood what Elizabeth Wurtzel was saying. if I were in possession of the book I'd include an excerpt, depression doesn't seem so much like painfully pretentious, melodramatic self-centered ( Read more... )

I would like for people to be more consistent ( Read more... )

my unconscious mind is so with it lately
( dreams )

no one is united all things are untied perhaps we're boiling over inside they've been telling lies who's been telling lies? there are no angels there are devils in many ways take it like a man the world's a mess it's in my kiss you can't take it back pull it out of the fire pull it out in the bottom of the ninth pull it out in chords of red-disease ( Read more... )

I am in an extremely loving and grateful mood right now, because I have realized (again and again) how lucky I am to have three specific people as my close friends. life lately would have been unbearable without them (and mother and Noelle, but that's a given). and because I have such wonderful people in my life, I shouldn't be bothered by those ( Read more... )