i don't understand why he has to be such a fucking jerk sometimes

body image problem .. still going strong. only this time, im better at concealing how horrible it makes me feel. i think this is the height of it all. i know i'll never get back to where i was, i know my body is changing for the worst. i know im destined to be like this forever. i just don't want to accept it ( Read more... )

I was starting to feel really comfortable with my body until last night. The news hit me hard - HARD ( Read more... )

i hurt myself last night.
i dind't want to kill myself, just wanted to feel pain. in an awkward way i feel i deserve it.
it felt good.

i did my first 1hr+ run today. 1hr 15 mins.
i didn't want to stop .. i just wanted to run until i wasted away.
running is a good tool.
too bad it wont make me unfat.

I started taking diet pills again, but I'm having issues remembering to take them ( Read more... )

I miss ephedra being on the market, it was such a great weight loss tool. I've done my reserach and my next drug of choice is Hydroxycut. I've got the money saved up and I'll be going out to Target today to make my purchase.
This better work.

( Read more... )

I'm going to do it again.
I'm so desperate right now.
I want perfection so badly.
I'll do anything.

I thought about killing myself again today. I thought about how easy it would be to dig into my medicine box and stuff myself full of the pills. Or how I could just drive into the mountains and devise something from there. Or how I would just cut away at myself until I cannot feel anything anymore ( Read more... )

i have a lot of good things going on in life ( Read more... )