If there is anything beyond death, I want a tally at the end of my life of how many hours I spent sitting in place, clutching my head in my hands.

I took the sign down from my mailbox
That proclaimed "Peace on Earth."
I guess such oaths have seasons,
And they end.

I let go of my mind to scatter with the sunset dust in Washington D.C. My intellect fell in a trap somewhere in classrooms in New York. I watched my friendship tumble from a lonely mountaintop in Maine. My youth was drowned in shallow, stony streams in Arkansas. My faith flew out the window in the Bronx, near where my conscience lay down with a ( Read more... )

After researching for my Green Earth News article for the week, but before actually writing it, I applied to a series of copywriting and editorial jobs that were posted on LinkedIn. I have, incidentally, completely changed my strategy to make no secret whatsoever of the fact that I don’t ever expect to be properly employed. One of the jobs to ( Read more... )

I sign into livejournal only every so often. I have just a few friends who still update. And what chilling updates they are. Health concerns, death, trauma, financial destitution. And save for the truly exceptional misfortunes, we're all going through pretty much the same shit. My friends page is a parade of human misery. How far life has ( Read more... )

The world is all but empty in the rain, which flows to the streets like a stream with its source in Heaven. I am struggling now, but towards something. In this climate - my God, how I want to drink.

Should my income ever increase substantially, the holders of my student loan debts will be paid off in order from most to least polite.

I found out recently that drinking alcohol does not in fact kill brain cells - a misconception I had maintained for my entire life since preadolescence. Half of my reason for not drinking has thus evaporated, which is problematic because sometimes I really, really, really, really, really want to drink ( Read more... )

The past week seems to have taught me that it's possible to experience depression without sadness as a symptom. It's worse than the alternative.

My inability to think clearly is not just uncomfortable, or inconvenient, or ego-defying; it's actually frightening me. I have the feeling that I am losing touch with reality. What I would expect as a consequence would be that it be replaced by delusion, or fantasy, or something at least vaguely identifiable. Instead, it seems to want to be ( Read more... )