It's amazing how fast my mind changes. My mind is always running. Somehow, I'm a milli-inch closer to transcending it completely.

today was ok. first day of school, went out for coffee. life blows as normal.

I'm feeling overwhelmed, abandoned and discarded. It's a feeling I'm so afraid of I literally feel dizzy and sick. All because of my stupidity and naivity.

Life is such an uphill struggle to obtain meaning. We all seem to be pulling at something that simply isn't there ( Read more... )

When I log onto here I almost always seem to know that I want to spend some real time writing. Then, I come on and I'm lost for words and I write a measly little nothing. I suppose I'm finally just really sick of life here. I'm tired of being told what to do, I'm tired of being codependant on people, and I'm tired of having someone always looking ( Read more... )

mmm, to be honest I'm looking foreword to school finally starting and I'm also dreading it. In a way it means the freedom of summer is over, but it also means that the imprisonment of summer is over. I'm going to miss watching TV until 2 a.m. then getting up for work at 6, and I'm gonna miss not having to worry about college or school work. At the ( Read more... )

I dunno why I'm so self destructive. I insist on making a mess of my skin on a nightly basis and I don't have any common sense with medicine. I love to do what's bad for me for some reason.

"sometimes I feel like I trusted you too well,
sometimes I feel like SCREAMING at myself"
- Linkin Park

Mmm, once again I feel fairly numb and indifferent. Maybe I'm taking the wrong drugs. I took more pills then is healthy again today, but to my dissapointment a real lack of excitment occured. I even took new pills. I experimented with DXM for the first time today, and while it was nice, I'm not too thrilled about it. It's was mildly buzzing and I ( Read more... )

The pills helped a little bit, but not too much. They made me kind of quiet and moody. I'm really not doing well here. I'm not gonna kill myself because that would be STUPID but to be honest, I feel so shitty I don't even feel like I'm alive. I already feel dead so killing myself would serve no purpose.

To be honest, I feel like shit right now. I feel like my head is being pressed under a vice, and I'm sooooo ready to start lashing out at people. Everything people do is annoying the hell out of me and I definatly have a bad facial twitch that shows when people irritate me. I came within inches of just hitting and pushing people out of my way this ( Read more... )