Yesterday, I met a sweet, beautiful, one armed girl. We are going to fall in love and have lots of little one armed kids. Er...one and a half armed kids. Since, y'know, I have two arms.

Sometimes I wonder why I bother. This is my third party, and for the third time, only three people showed up. At least the first time it was three people and my roomate ( Read more... )

Kate, it's your ride ( Read more... )

Remember, remember the Fifth of November ( Read more... )

You know what Stuart? I like you. You're not like the other people here
in the trailer park. Oh no, don't get me wrong, they're fine people, good
Americans. But they're content to sit back, maybe watch a little Mork and
Mindy on channel 57. Maybe kick back a cool Coors 16-ouncer. They're
good fine people, Stuart. But they don't know what the queers ( Read more... )

The highest form of flattery:

Dear Other Drivers:

Stop doing 67 in the left lane.  It's illegal, and dangerous.  And move the hell over when someone flashes there lights to remind you that what you are doing is illegal and dangerous.  You bastards.

Learn to drive,
Jonas

Dear Morning Show DJ's:

STFU. 
Seriously.  No one wants to hear you talk.  If we were ( Read more... )

Up from the sands of the mighty Sahara comes,
Our hero bold, who so it's told,
is a lot like you and me.
His passion burns, the world it turns,
He fills his hand to fill the void,
And fuels the constant feeling,
Of nothingness inside his soul.

Feels like nothing ever did.
Kills like nothing ever could.
Dark and jaded world I hated,
Everything I left behind.
I ( Read more... )

Be such a man, and live such a life, that if everyone was such a man and lived such a life, this would be God's paradise.

Peace,

Jonas