6:30AM brushed my teeth. i waited an entire hour to smoke a cigarette, open every window and watch the sun go up. well the sun might already be up, it's hard to tell when the clouds are in the way.. & it's even harder to type when you're smoking a cigarette. i can't tell if i woke up to write or to read one of the two books i got at the library, ( Read more... )

i've been waking up around 7 these days. sometimes even i even go to bed 18 minutes before 8. i've toyed with the idea of giving up drinking, mostly whiskey, mostly anything stronger than a cheap tall boy. last night i baby sat a 7 year old. she had spunk, but i'm pretty sure i bored her. it's easy to want kids, it's much more tiring actually ( Read more... )

the end of a legacy. i've been doing a lot of outward laughing and a lot of inward processing. it's come to the point now where after i laugh a lot about it, about the two year break up, about how neither of us wants to have sex with the other.. it just irks me on the inside. not the bitter irk i've felt off and on when it came to her dating down, ( Read more... )

most likely these are assumptions
repetitive goosebumps

& sometimes you reach that point where you realize the things you move away from. try to grow from. try to ignore. never leave. and that maybe you should learn to live with it, and thrive from it. instead of constantly trying to cover up or block out those thought patterns. i mean is it so bad to accept those cancers? maybe that's what makes the ( Read more... )

it's hard to keep that disposition when you have no one to call. solitary hang outs are not for tender souls. i can do this. i can do this. i just have to conquer this whole alone thing.

i'm going to california and i'm going to pick up a bad habit of wearing red lipstick and spending my spare time attempting to learn how to apply eyeliner. i'll buy an elliptical machine and gain the endurance to successfully ride a bike for more than a mile. i plan to go to every concert that i deem worthy, and i'll go by myself. and i'll probably ( Read more... )

i've been getting the shivers again. i can feel each lymphoid in my neck. can't tell what's more dangerous, the fact that i could have cancer, or the flight of emotions i'm currently undergoing. sometimes i want to give up. but where's the fun in that ( Read more... )

i'd like to say that i'm moving forward, moving mountains, changing the tides. but really i'm just leaving austin, and i don't think that warrants any fancy terminology. i have no idea if i'm making the right decision but it's really the only decision i have. so i suppose it's actually been made for me. which is both ludicrous and unlikely. i'm ( Read more... )

it was more fun when i was making out, as much as i was getting laid ( Read more... )