It's always a shock to the ego of my current self to look back at what I've experienced and written about; what I've drunkenly pondered during the dead hours of the night. A shock because I always find my past self more interesting than my current self, but always seeming to ignore the point that all those old ramblings and experiences made this ( Read more... )

Ban firearms and I'll use a knife. Ban knives and I'll use a club. Ban the sale of wood to private citizens and I'll use a rock. Good luck gathering every rock in America and carving a serial number in it.

(I'll sell you a pre-ban rock for $500.)

Four helpful hints to make sure your holiday package doesn't arrive at its destination in time ( Read more... )

When you're seven and sleep in a race car bed, you're cool. When you're 57 and sleep in a race car bed, you missed ten mortgage payments and they haven't taken the car yet.

Trojan Horse LTD is a trucking company that specializes in transportation of U.S. mail. Keep reading this until it makes sense to you.

Mark this day down as one of mankind's greatest achievements. I played Ocarina of Time, in 3D, while on the toilet.

Which is my recommended way of playing it for the first time, because it's pants-shittingly amazing.

Signs that my life isn't going well ( Read more... )

Food is bullshit III ( Read more... )

Wake up. Workout. Work pay. Eat. Read write. Little sleep. Repeat.Ramblings ( Read more... )

Enjoy that peach. You're eating a tree testicle ( Read more... )

I really hate when the can is super fucking cold, and the drink is lukewarm. Cans are bullshit. Which leads me to want to design a way to do this to other people’s cans of beer on purpose. There’s got to be a way. Maybe if I throw them all in the vegetable crisper ( Read more... )