[Fic] All That I Am - 8/12
Title: All That I Am
Author: Coley Merrin
Rating: R
Pairing: Zhou Mi/Kyuhyun
Genre: AU, Romance
Summary: To find a date that Kyuhyun can stomach is impossible - unless they hire one to pretend. But not even the perfect companion can stop years worth of threats, or keep their acting from becoming all too real.
***
Chapter One * Chapter Two * Chapter Three * Chapter Four * Chapter Five * Chapter Six * Chapter Seven * Chapter Eight * Chapter Nine
***
Zhou Mi woke to Kyuhyun trying to slide away from him, and he protested, trying to keep his arms around all that lovely, soft, warm skin. He didn’t even process why Kyuhyun had on no shirt, just that he wanted to keep holding on to him and possibly fall back to sleep.
“Kyuhyun.”
He felt Kyuhyun snort out a laugh. “There isn’t a bathroom in the bed. You’re going to have to let me get up.”
He got a kiss to Kyuhyun’s shoulder before the bed rocked, squinting as he realized that Kyuhyun not only had no shirt, but no pants either. And he was gifted a rather spectacular view of that. Still, he rested his forearm over his eyes and tried to relax. His human body pillow would be back soon enough.
He made a sound of discontent when he realized that his access to Kyuhyun’s skin had been obstructed by pajama pants.
“I don’t like wandering around naked, even if it’s just us,” Kyuhyun explained. “You’ll live. Besides, you still have your shirt on.”
Shirt, no pants. Proof he’d been out of it entirely. He blew out a content sigh into Kyuhyun’s collarbone.
“You killed my brain,” he muttered.
He couldn’t help but smile as Kyuhyun allowed him to rock closer, becoming a Zhou Mi-shield to Kyuhyun’s body. He would not have minded just staying there, breathing Kyuhyun in. The faint hint of sweat, mouthwash. He kind of laughed to himself that Kyuhyun had brushed his teeth before coming back to bed, as though he were preparing for more kissing.
“When are the massages again?” he muttered, petting Kyuhyun’s lower back.
“In about twenty minutes. Want some fruit before we go?”
“Too early.”
“Eeteuk had to pull strings to get us in, we booked so last minute. Don’t worry, it’ll feel good.”
That at least had him willing to move, propping himself up on his forearm so he could look speculatively down at Kyuhyun. Still rumpled, despite having washed up. He could easily imagine just forgoing the massage entirely, just staying here and trying to find all the interesting ways he could make that face move for him. “How good? One a scale of 1-10?”
“I don’t know. Eight? How did last night fall on your scale? And I don’t mean the opera,” Kyuhyun clarified.
Zhou Mi thought about it long enough that he had Kyuhyun shoving at his shoulder to get him moving.
“One,” he said, kissing Kyuhyun’s chin. “Billion.”
Kyuhyun laughed again, pushing him so hard he rolled onto his back. “Idiot.”
“Don’t malign your talent!” Zhou Mi called after him as Kyuhyun went for his clothes.
They did end up having time for fruit and coffee before navigating to the spa. Almost forgetting to leave the room as Kyuhyun told him ridiculous hotel stories of trips he had taken in the past. Like getting locked out of his room in his bathrobe.
“You have the key?” he teased before Kyuhyun could let the door close behind them. And just barely dodged the jabbed fist, running his fingers down Kyuhyun’s cloth-covered spine. It seemed kind of incredible that he had that option. That he could reach out, touch Kyuhyun without thinking about it.
Though there was one thing that stuck at him, when he couldn’t push it back, push it down. It came out like some kind of ghost to scare him, when he walked with Kyuhyun, smiled at Kyuhyun. Kyuhyun was paying him, and paying him well, to go to these parties, these events with him. Paying him to pretend that he cared about Kyuhyun, that they were dating, living together. Sleeping together.
But the questions ran around inside him. If Kyuhyun didn’t want him to live with him after their contract was up, fine, but they could still date? He wouldn’t be hurt by that, much. He would still willingly go with Kyuhyun to parties. They could have lazy evenings in bed.
But those were all things he would do without being paid for it. He could honestly say, hey, I want this with you, this chance with you, way more than I want your money. But though Kyuhyun had opened up to him, talked to him, he had no idea how to even bring up the idea. Did Kyuhyun even want that? Or maybe Zhou Mi was some kind of nice diversion, there, convenient. But that didn’t explain how much Kyuhyun gave to him. Allowing his touch, his kisses. Sitting him in a chair, and…? It wasn’t that he didn’t enjoy being paid, it just seemed dishonest and somehow wrong to be paid to pretend about what he wanted to be real. He’d thought of going to Eeteuk about it for advice, to see if he had some kind of insight into Kyuhyun’s mind, but that seemed kind of bizarre. Kyuhyun, I wonder… I wonder what you think about making this relationship real?
But he shoved it aside, and let the strong hands of the masseuse massage some of his worries away. Knowing Kyuhyun was only a few feet away, and hearing the soft sounds he made. They’d been good walking in. Mostly. He knew exactly what Kyuhyun had on under his robe when they walked in and had made his eyebrows intimate that. He’d gotten an eye roll from Kyuhyun, but he knew better. Especially when he saw Kyuhyun glance at his ankles and then try to hide the smirk. He was content just to relax and enjoy and catch glances of Kyuhyun. One day, and he was sure of it, he’d get Kyuhyun that relaxed himself. For a completely different reason.
It took a little courage to go to Kyuhyun after, when they were finally dressed and ready to leave, and suggest something. Kyuhyun did not seem to take well to suggestions from him at times, sometimes a little grudgingly. There was light humor in those eyes, even most times he was being stubborn, as though he did it just because it was fun for him. It made it easy to banter back without feeling annoyed.
Most of the time.
But personal appearance, if he’d tried to critique a tie, or pick out a different shirt, Kyuhyun kind of griped about it. So Zhou Mi went in with the most delicate gloves of directness that he could manage.
“Have you thought of cutting your hair?” he asked, relaxing as much as he had ever let himself around Kyuhyun.
Kyuhyun, to his credit, barely blinked at the question. “I do it when it needs it, yes?”
“What about just because you wanted it changed?”
Overly vain, Kyuhyun was not, but he was not without care in his appearance. He didn’t think he’d have to start insulting to get something done.
“Maybe? Why? You want a hair cut?”
He laughed. “No, Kui Xian. Maybe we could get you one. I mean, the spa is here and I know they have a stylist.”
“What’s wrong with my hair?”
“It’s a little flopsy?” It was right on the edge of needing a trim, was the truth, and he tried to insert that angle in there. How appealing was Kyuhyun on a normal day, his hair like this, soft, looking ready to touch. But there was something edgy hiding there, something he didn’t even know why he dared to punish himself like that to consider it.
***
It was too bad after their massages, getting dressed, that they had other things to do besides relax. Though seeing Zhou Mi in his cute shorts and sandals as they secluded themselves against a rail during the river cruise wasn’t something he particularly regretted. And he’d made kind of a secret appointment for afterward, wondering what Zhou Mi was going to think when he actually took his suggestion and got his hair cut. And he argued that it wasn’t just because Zhou Mi said something to him. He’d thought about it a few times and just hadn’t had Eeteuk set up an appointment. So all he had to do was hope the stylists on duty didn’t make him look like a shorn poodle, and he’d be good.
But right then, he was content to stand in the breezes blowing off the water and sling his arm around Zhou Mi’s waist. It kind of meant they were propped together against the railing, Zhou Mi’s long fingers curled around it. Though he had his camera in one hand, apparently trying to take abstract pictures of the water. And of Kyuhyun.
“Hey,” he protested, elbowing Zhou Mi. He’d seen that flash go off, and knew it because there were spots in his eyes.
“Just a picture,” Zhou Mi almost singsonged. “Here, hold still.”
He did, waiting Zhou Mi to get the camera situated and then standing like the world’s biggest idiot as Zhou Mi kissed his cheek and took the picture at the same time.
Though when Zhou Mi actually showed him the picture in the viewfinder, he almost looked a little smug. So much for subtlety.
“It’s nice to be out on the water,” Zhou Mi murmured.
“Warm enough to today for it,” he agreed. “Probably be a little cool to swim, though.”
“There’s always the hotel pool. Or the one at home.”
“Yeah, we’d just have to wait till tomorrow.” He let his eyes drop down Zhou Mi’s legs, rising, considering. “Do you wear swim trunks, or…?”
The laugh that rang out was delighted, Zhou Mi almost wracked with giggles. “Can you imagine me trying to go around in tiny little swimming briefs?”
“Yes.” Though it probably wouldn’t do anything for his concentration, which probably was important while trying not to drown. “But the swim trunks that kind of look like boxer briefs would be good. We can pick some up.”
“Am I dressing for you or the pool?” Zhou Mi asked him. “Or both?”
He smirked, bumping Zhou Mi’s hip. “I’ll let you decide that.”
Zhou Mi’s fingers traced through the top of his, and he let himself fall into a trance that was the warmth of the sun and Zhou Mi.
***
“I have an appointment,” he told Zhou Mi as soon as they got back to their room. For some reason it made him antsy just to be there, remembering what he’d forced himself to ignore the whole morning. The note he’d found under their door when he’d gotten up. It was supposed to be a safe place, a place they’d been naked, moaning for each other. Not getting notes that held vague threats. The last hotel he’d stay at. Right.
He was thankful that by the time they’d actually gotten back it was mid-afternoon and they had eaten lunch, so there were only a few hours left until the masquerade ball itself started. Dancing, finger foods, masks. Someone had thought it had been a fantastic idea. “I’ll go down by myself, so you can just relax here? You know when the dance thing is supposed to start, and your clothes were pressed, so just be ready. I’ll call your cell when I’m ready.”
He knew Zhou Mi had to be confused, seeing as Kyuhyun left with the clothes he’d be wearing. But he couldn’t have secrets if Zhou Mi was hanging off his arm the whole time. And since it was a secret for Zhou Mi, well. All the better. He’d be forgiven.
***
There was a dull ache behind his eyes by the time he called Zhou Mi. Not because of the hair cut, which he thought had gone well, but the call he’d received as his hair was being dried.
“I’m ready, so you can come down,” he told Zhou Mi, and tried not to imagine just walking out of the hotel and finding a quiet spot to lay in for the rest of the night. Alone. It took only minutes, probably only as long as it took to call the elevator, for Zhou Mi to emerge on the ballroom level. He had his mask in one hand, crisp and stunning in black and white, and he spotted Kyuhyun as soon as he stepped out.
“What’s wrong?” Zhou Mi asked him almost immediately, and he kind of wished he’d put on his own mask ahead of time. If it was that obvious, written all over his face? Or maybe it was just because Zhou Mi knew him better than anyone else there. He debated whether denying it was the best course, but he didn’t think so. Not when Zhou Mi saw it so obviously. All it would do was make Zhou Mi worry and then peck at him the rest of the night.
“I got a call from the hotel,” he said, keeping his voice pitched low. “Someone flattened all four of my tires. Cut them, actually. So they’re being replaced right now.”
Zhou Mi frowned, considering him. “Do they get much vandalism here like that? Was it just your car?”
“Just mine, and they were very apologetic. Apparently the car itself is fine, though. It’s just weird, because of the letter.”
“What letter?”
The one he hadn’t told Zhou Mi about, of course. He put aside his annoyance. “There was an envelope under our door this morning. Kind of like I’ve gotten before.”
“Like you got in the restaurant?” Zhou Mi’s eyes were wide. “You didn’t say anything.”
No, he hadn’t. Climbing back into bed to use Zhou Mi’s presence to make himself forget. But he lied. “I didn’t even think about it. I’m so used to them.”
“Then whoever left the letter, slashed your tires… Is here at the hotel?”
“They could have had the letter delivered,” Kyuhyun pointed out. Not that he really believed that. The hotel didn’t operate that way. But it was easier to say so than to admit someone who had been plaguing him could see them at that very moment.
“And the tires might be unrelated,” Kyuhyun offered.
Those eyebrows were still low, considering Kyuhyun’s face. Too shrewd, that face. “But you don’t think so, do you?”
It was uncomfortable to admit. “No.”
“That’s kind of serious, isn’t it? Has anything been done to your property before?”
“No. So that’s why it could be unrelated.”
“What did the letter say?” Zhou Mi pressed.
And that was a place he was not going. Zhou Mi didn’t know what letters he’d been getting, didn’t know what any of them said. And he wasn’t going to change that. Not because he didn’t think Zhou Mi couldn’t handle it, but because he didn’t want Zhou Mi to look at him like he was being haunted. Zhou Mi almost seemed to think he was normal sometimes, joking with him, playing with him. That wasn’t something anyone could be paid to do. And if he could protect Zhou Mi from it all, he was going to. So he swallowed his worry, and lifted his mask.
“I don’t really want to talk about it right now, but you don’t have to worry. Should we go in before we’re beyond fashionably late?”
Zhou Mi sharply inhaled, finally seeing what he hadn’t paid attention to in worrying about the car. “Your hair!”
“You’re the one who suggested it, right?” Kyuhyun asked. “Come on.”
Few people were dancing when they went in, more mingling and eating. Wine and other drinks flowing, though discretely. They both got plates, Zhou Mi sending him pointing looks at Kyuhyun’s head but unable to say much about it as they wandered and schmoozed. Or were schmoozed, as it were. Zhou Mi kind of led the conversation for once, either seeing that Kyuhyun was quieter than usual, or just feeling comfortable because of the mask. And he liked the mask, having been there when Zhou Mi picked it out. The black and gold filagree accenting his face, his dark hair. He had the best of possible options when it came to men, he was pretty sure of that, watching Zhou Mi laugh at something that was being said. The flashing teeth and curling lips. The point of his chin.
“Let’s dance,” he murmured, when the conversation lulled. No one had to talk to them while they were out on the floor.
They danced mainly because they couldn’t get out of it, because it was expected. And he figured it was better to get out there before someone started bullying them about it. That and it gave him a chance to rest his head, and let some of his worry leech into Zhou Mi.
It wasn’t as though they were the only men dancing together, but it was certainly the first time that he had danced quite like that with another man. Not since, he thought, he had been instructed on the most basic waltz. Zhou Mi seemed to pick up on his cues, giving or leading as they wove amidst the other couples. It was nice because he didn’t feel the need to lead, exactly, letting Zhou Mi guide them equally. He was just lucky their masks weren’t bulky, not in any danger of being caught on each other. It hid part of Zhou Mi’s face, changed his whole look. It wasn’t bad. Just not what he was used to.
“I like your hair,” Zhou Mi said softly, ruffling the edges of it with his breath.
He snorted. “You’re flattering yourself.”
“I’d be flattering myself if I was the one who got my hair cut. I just mean that I think it suits you very much.”
“Was I ugly before?”
“No… It’s just another attractive side of you.”
“I guess I can’t argue, if you think I’m hot.”
Zhou Mi laughed softly, squeezing his side. “Kui Xian.”
“So, with this hair, you’d do me?”
There was silence and when he craned his head around to see why, Zhou Mi’s face was oddly frozen.
“Maybe we should get something to drink,” he heard, a hand sliding to his elbow.
“No way,” he said, not letting Zhou Mi go. “Answer the question.”
Locked together on the edge of the dance floor, they had stopped dancing, but at least the frozen expression was gone. Replaced by soft eyes that dipped closed, their mouths meeting as the song around them kept on going. It was a kiss that sent turmoil racing through him, grasping for control of his flushing and his desire to lean in and kiss back. He took Zhou Mi’s arm, intending to get them to any corner by themselves that he could find.
He didn’t get that chance, Zhou Mi’s nose nearly taking off his as someone clapped him on the back.
“Good to see you getting along,” he heard, from the familiar voice of Kangin, another CEO he knew.
Zhou Mi kind of smiled at Kyuhyun. “I’ll go get us a drink.”
He nodded, jerking his eyes from the way the cut of Zhou Mi’s jacket sat at his hips. There were a lot of things they could get up to back in the room, he thought. And he’d start with that jacket. Maybe leave on the shirt and cufflinks. He thought Zhou Mi would look good with those flashing beside his face.
“You’re the last one I pegged to have a man like that falling for you. He’s totally into you.”
“Why shouldn’t he be?” Kyuhyun asked, a little laugh in the end of it to make it sound a little less arrogant. But inside he was wondering. That was how it looked like to others? Of course that was what they meant to portray, but for a second he had a flash of clarity.
“He’s definitely not just after you for your money, that’s for sure. How long till he gets a ring from you?”
“He’ll have to save my life first.”
Kangin laughed at the quip, and Kyuhyun watched as Zhou Mi got waylaid on the way back, holding the two glasses in his hand carefully as he tipped his head down to talk to a man who’d stopped him. He didn’t realize he’d made a sound when the man touched Zhou Mi’s arm.
“What’s that?” Kangin asked from beside him.
“Nothing,” he said, forcing a smile.
“They did good organizing this. And here’s your drinks.”
The glass was chilled, a contrast to Zhou Mi’s fingers as he took it from him. He wanted no misunderstandings, not from some guy who thought it’d be good to flirt with Zhou Mi, or from any of his acquaintances. Their hips banged together almost painfully as he got an arm around Zhou Mi’s waist. Maybe it was a little possessive. Maybe too much. He wondered if Zhou Mi knew what he was thinking. But Zhou Mi squeezed his arm out, getting it above, behind Kyuhyun’s, and letting his hand rest solid on Kyuhyun’s shoulder. They were joined, a unit. Zhou Mi didn’t ask, or even pause. A good act, maybe. But it didn’t feel like it so much as he got his fingers curled around Zhou Mi’s hipbone. The warmth of him, even through his clothes, against his arm. Zhou Mi’s lips tilted, eyes focused and soft as he listened to the conversation. Eyes flicking to Kyuhyun’s every so often, without so much as a worry.
“What are you thinking?” Zhou Mi whispered as they wandered. He saw Zhou Mi surrounded by all the brightly dressed people, bright around Zhou Mi, bright with him. He belonged in that room, not Kyuhyun. He struggled too much with it to every feel totally at ease, putting on any facade he could to hide it. And any one of the men, the ones who admired Zhou Mi tonight, probably would’ve been a better match for him than Kyuhyun was.
“That at least you won’t have to deal with this much longer,” Kyuhyun murmured back.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean these aren’t exactly scintillating events, getting thrown into this with me. You’ll have a lot wider dating range when this is all over.”
“Why would you think that?” Zhou Mi asked, tugging at his shoulder and stopping him. “Have I made you think that?”
He leaned in, feeling like an idiot for even saying something. “I have a headache.”
“Then let’s get out of here. We’ve been here long enough,” Zhou Mi said, shepherding him out of the room, evading all conversations. He took off his mask in the elevator, trying to relax his tense neck.
“You should’ve let me know you weren’t feeling well,” Zhou Mi fussed slightly, letting them into the room.
“It just slowly got worse. I was dealing.”
Badly, clearly. The news of his tires had rattled him more than he knew, to have said something stupid like that to Zhou Mi. Better to just get to the end of the contract and figure out what to do with everything then. Everything being Zhou Mi. He ignored the prick of worry at the thought of not having Zhou Mi near him, crouching to rummage for clothes in his suitcase.
The thick white envelope he saw there had all the hairs on the back of his neck standing up. His name, pasted onto the front. In his suitcase. And it wasn’t the letter of that morning, because he’d tucked it far underneath his suitcase lining. Plus it had only had a single sheet of paper, whereas this was heavy. He slit it open, not paying attention to Zhou Mi puttering.
Pictures, a whole stack of them. He remembered that day, the paper coffee cup in his hand, shopping bag in the other. They’d just bought their masks, the ones that were sitting right next to him. He was laughing at some unseen person. But he knew what the next frames would’ve been. Zhou Mi, stepping up to give him a goodbye kiss. Someone had been following them? His fingers on the picture behind it hit something odd, and something fell. A rough surface, and half a photo fluttering to floor. The next photo wasn't of him, but Zhou Mi. Face torn almost exactly in half. In the light, he could almost see his face reflected back off of the glossy surface, the jagged edge more disturbing than any knife.
Zhou Mi had plucked them it out of his fingers before he could even think to hide it, rifling through the images.
“Where did you get these?”
“They were laying on top of my clothes, in my suitcase. But they weren’t there when I left.”
He was silenced as Zhou Mi bolted away, thighs flashing underneath of his robe as he checked the closets, the side door entrance, under the beds. Even the windows and curtains. No one was still in the room, the set of Zhou Mi’s shoulders seemed to say. But the efficient search startled him.
“We should go home,” Zhou Mi said. “If someone got in here and left those, I don’t want to know what they’ll bring next.”
“You think this is a legitimate threat?”
“It isn’t? That someone’s watching, even tying your shoe?” Zhou Mi’s voice was muffled a second as he tugged on a shirt. “My picture is a throwaway in there, because those pictures aren’t meant to threaten me. They’re meant to freak you out.”
“We could just get our locks re-keyed, set the deadbolt.”
Zhou Mi crouched beside him, eyes so serious that he could almost have been a different person. “What else did they touch in here, Kyuhyun? What else did they leave?”
Disgust curled through him as Zhou Mi’s point sank in. “Okay. Let’s go.”
They called Eeteuk to let the police know. The police could find out how someone had gotten into their room, if anyone knew anything, or had seen. He felt empty by the time he locked his car doors, glad the tires were fixed. But by then, with Zhou Mi stoic and supporting beside him, he would have called a taxi or walked before staying at that hotel a moment longer. He wanted to leave, go.
Home was where it was safe. Home, he thought, as he eased the car out of the hotel’s garage, checking to make sure the brakes were working. Home was where Zhou Mi tucked him into bed with a pain pill and tea, sliding close enough to smell, and falling asleep with his hand on Kyuhyun’s hip. Home was where he stared at the ceiling and worried, waited. Turning to Zhou Mi in the dark and listening to him breathe, touching the still face. He pressed his nose against the edge of the hand Zhou Mi had curled beside his face, not wanting to wake him, and found a different sort of home entirely.
***
Author: Coley Merrin
Rating: R
Pairing: Zhou Mi/Kyuhyun
Genre: AU, Romance
Summary: To find a date that Kyuhyun can stomach is impossible - unless they hire one to pretend. But not even the perfect companion can stop years worth of threats, or keep their acting from becoming all too real.
***
Chapter One * Chapter Two * Chapter Three * Chapter Four * Chapter Five * Chapter Six * Chapter Seven * Chapter Eight * Chapter Nine
***
Zhou Mi woke to Kyuhyun trying to slide away from him, and he protested, trying to keep his arms around all that lovely, soft, warm skin. He didn’t even process why Kyuhyun had on no shirt, just that he wanted to keep holding on to him and possibly fall back to sleep.
“Kyuhyun.”
He felt Kyuhyun snort out a laugh. “There isn’t a bathroom in the bed. You’re going to have to let me get up.”
He got a kiss to Kyuhyun’s shoulder before the bed rocked, squinting as he realized that Kyuhyun not only had no shirt, but no pants either. And he was gifted a rather spectacular view of that. Still, he rested his forearm over his eyes and tried to relax. His human body pillow would be back soon enough.
He made a sound of discontent when he realized that his access to Kyuhyun’s skin had been obstructed by pajama pants.
“I don’t like wandering around naked, even if it’s just us,” Kyuhyun explained. “You’ll live. Besides, you still have your shirt on.”
Shirt, no pants. Proof he’d been out of it entirely. He blew out a content sigh into Kyuhyun’s collarbone.
“You killed my brain,” he muttered.
He couldn’t help but smile as Kyuhyun allowed him to rock closer, becoming a Zhou Mi-shield to Kyuhyun’s body. He would not have minded just staying there, breathing Kyuhyun in. The faint hint of sweat, mouthwash. He kind of laughed to himself that Kyuhyun had brushed his teeth before coming back to bed, as though he were preparing for more kissing.
“When are the massages again?” he muttered, petting Kyuhyun’s lower back.
“In about twenty minutes. Want some fruit before we go?”
“Too early.”
“Eeteuk had to pull strings to get us in, we booked so last minute. Don’t worry, it’ll feel good.”
That at least had him willing to move, propping himself up on his forearm so he could look speculatively down at Kyuhyun. Still rumpled, despite having washed up. He could easily imagine just forgoing the massage entirely, just staying here and trying to find all the interesting ways he could make that face move for him. “How good? One a scale of 1-10?”
“I don’t know. Eight? How did last night fall on your scale? And I don’t mean the opera,” Kyuhyun clarified.
Zhou Mi thought about it long enough that he had Kyuhyun shoving at his shoulder to get him moving.
“One,” he said, kissing Kyuhyun’s chin. “Billion.”
Kyuhyun laughed again, pushing him so hard he rolled onto his back. “Idiot.”
“Don’t malign your talent!” Zhou Mi called after him as Kyuhyun went for his clothes.
They did end up having time for fruit and coffee before navigating to the spa. Almost forgetting to leave the room as Kyuhyun told him ridiculous hotel stories of trips he had taken in the past. Like getting locked out of his room in his bathrobe.
“You have the key?” he teased before Kyuhyun could let the door close behind them. And just barely dodged the jabbed fist, running his fingers down Kyuhyun’s cloth-covered spine. It seemed kind of incredible that he had that option. That he could reach out, touch Kyuhyun without thinking about it.
Though there was one thing that stuck at him, when he couldn’t push it back, push it down. It came out like some kind of ghost to scare him, when he walked with Kyuhyun, smiled at Kyuhyun. Kyuhyun was paying him, and paying him well, to go to these parties, these events with him. Paying him to pretend that he cared about Kyuhyun, that they were dating, living together. Sleeping together.
But the questions ran around inside him. If Kyuhyun didn’t want him to live with him after their contract was up, fine, but they could still date? He wouldn’t be hurt by that, much. He would still willingly go with Kyuhyun to parties. They could have lazy evenings in bed.
But those were all things he would do without being paid for it. He could honestly say, hey, I want this with you, this chance with you, way more than I want your money. But though Kyuhyun had opened up to him, talked to him, he had no idea how to even bring up the idea. Did Kyuhyun even want that? Or maybe Zhou Mi was some kind of nice diversion, there, convenient. But that didn’t explain how much Kyuhyun gave to him. Allowing his touch, his kisses. Sitting him in a chair, and…? It wasn’t that he didn’t enjoy being paid, it just seemed dishonest and somehow wrong to be paid to pretend about what he wanted to be real. He’d thought of going to Eeteuk about it for advice, to see if he had some kind of insight into Kyuhyun’s mind, but that seemed kind of bizarre. Kyuhyun, I wonder… I wonder what you think about making this relationship real?
But he shoved it aside, and let the strong hands of the masseuse massage some of his worries away. Knowing Kyuhyun was only a few feet away, and hearing the soft sounds he made. They’d been good walking in. Mostly. He knew exactly what Kyuhyun had on under his robe when they walked in and had made his eyebrows intimate that. He’d gotten an eye roll from Kyuhyun, but he knew better. Especially when he saw Kyuhyun glance at his ankles and then try to hide the smirk. He was content just to relax and enjoy and catch glances of Kyuhyun. One day, and he was sure of it, he’d get Kyuhyun that relaxed himself. For a completely different reason.
It took a little courage to go to Kyuhyun after, when they were finally dressed and ready to leave, and suggest something. Kyuhyun did not seem to take well to suggestions from him at times, sometimes a little grudgingly. There was light humor in those eyes, even most times he was being stubborn, as though he did it just because it was fun for him. It made it easy to banter back without feeling annoyed.
Most of the time.
But personal appearance, if he’d tried to critique a tie, or pick out a different shirt, Kyuhyun kind of griped about it. So Zhou Mi went in with the most delicate gloves of directness that he could manage.
“Have you thought of cutting your hair?” he asked, relaxing as much as he had ever let himself around Kyuhyun.
Kyuhyun, to his credit, barely blinked at the question. “I do it when it needs it, yes?”
“What about just because you wanted it changed?”
Overly vain, Kyuhyun was not, but he was not without care in his appearance. He didn’t think he’d have to start insulting to get something done.
“Maybe? Why? You want a hair cut?”
He laughed. “No, Kui Xian. Maybe we could get you one. I mean, the spa is here and I know they have a stylist.”
“What’s wrong with my hair?”
“It’s a little flopsy?” It was right on the edge of needing a trim, was the truth, and he tried to insert that angle in there. How appealing was Kyuhyun on a normal day, his hair like this, soft, looking ready to touch. But there was something edgy hiding there, something he didn’t even know why he dared to punish himself like that to consider it.
***
It was too bad after their massages, getting dressed, that they had other things to do besides relax. Though seeing Zhou Mi in his cute shorts and sandals as they secluded themselves against a rail during the river cruise wasn’t something he particularly regretted. And he’d made kind of a secret appointment for afterward, wondering what Zhou Mi was going to think when he actually took his suggestion and got his hair cut. And he argued that it wasn’t just because Zhou Mi said something to him. He’d thought about it a few times and just hadn’t had Eeteuk set up an appointment. So all he had to do was hope the stylists on duty didn’t make him look like a shorn poodle, and he’d be good.
But right then, he was content to stand in the breezes blowing off the water and sling his arm around Zhou Mi’s waist. It kind of meant they were propped together against the railing, Zhou Mi’s long fingers curled around it. Though he had his camera in one hand, apparently trying to take abstract pictures of the water. And of Kyuhyun.
“Hey,” he protested, elbowing Zhou Mi. He’d seen that flash go off, and knew it because there were spots in his eyes.
“Just a picture,” Zhou Mi almost singsonged. “Here, hold still.”
He did, waiting Zhou Mi to get the camera situated and then standing like the world’s biggest idiot as Zhou Mi kissed his cheek and took the picture at the same time.
Though when Zhou Mi actually showed him the picture in the viewfinder, he almost looked a little smug. So much for subtlety.
“It’s nice to be out on the water,” Zhou Mi murmured.
“Warm enough to today for it,” he agreed. “Probably be a little cool to swim, though.”
“There’s always the hotel pool. Or the one at home.”
“Yeah, we’d just have to wait till tomorrow.” He let his eyes drop down Zhou Mi’s legs, rising, considering. “Do you wear swim trunks, or…?”
The laugh that rang out was delighted, Zhou Mi almost wracked with giggles. “Can you imagine me trying to go around in tiny little swimming briefs?”
“Yes.” Though it probably wouldn’t do anything for his concentration, which probably was important while trying not to drown. “But the swim trunks that kind of look like boxer briefs would be good. We can pick some up.”
“Am I dressing for you or the pool?” Zhou Mi asked him. “Or both?”
He smirked, bumping Zhou Mi’s hip. “I’ll let you decide that.”
Zhou Mi’s fingers traced through the top of his, and he let himself fall into a trance that was the warmth of the sun and Zhou Mi.
***
“I have an appointment,” he told Zhou Mi as soon as they got back to their room. For some reason it made him antsy just to be there, remembering what he’d forced himself to ignore the whole morning. The note he’d found under their door when he’d gotten up. It was supposed to be a safe place, a place they’d been naked, moaning for each other. Not getting notes that held vague threats. The last hotel he’d stay at. Right.
He was thankful that by the time they’d actually gotten back it was mid-afternoon and they had eaten lunch, so there were only a few hours left until the masquerade ball itself started. Dancing, finger foods, masks. Someone had thought it had been a fantastic idea. “I’ll go down by myself, so you can just relax here? You know when the dance thing is supposed to start, and your clothes were pressed, so just be ready. I’ll call your cell when I’m ready.”
He knew Zhou Mi had to be confused, seeing as Kyuhyun left with the clothes he’d be wearing. But he couldn’t have secrets if Zhou Mi was hanging off his arm the whole time. And since it was a secret for Zhou Mi, well. All the better. He’d be forgiven.
***
There was a dull ache behind his eyes by the time he called Zhou Mi. Not because of the hair cut, which he thought had gone well, but the call he’d received as his hair was being dried.
“I’m ready, so you can come down,” he told Zhou Mi, and tried not to imagine just walking out of the hotel and finding a quiet spot to lay in for the rest of the night. Alone. It took only minutes, probably only as long as it took to call the elevator, for Zhou Mi to emerge on the ballroom level. He had his mask in one hand, crisp and stunning in black and white, and he spotted Kyuhyun as soon as he stepped out.
“What’s wrong?” Zhou Mi asked him almost immediately, and he kind of wished he’d put on his own mask ahead of time. If it was that obvious, written all over his face? Or maybe it was just because Zhou Mi knew him better than anyone else there. He debated whether denying it was the best course, but he didn’t think so. Not when Zhou Mi saw it so obviously. All it would do was make Zhou Mi worry and then peck at him the rest of the night.
“I got a call from the hotel,” he said, keeping his voice pitched low. “Someone flattened all four of my tires. Cut them, actually. So they’re being replaced right now.”
Zhou Mi frowned, considering him. “Do they get much vandalism here like that? Was it just your car?”
“Just mine, and they were very apologetic. Apparently the car itself is fine, though. It’s just weird, because of the letter.”
“What letter?”
The one he hadn’t told Zhou Mi about, of course. He put aside his annoyance. “There was an envelope under our door this morning. Kind of like I’ve gotten before.”
“Like you got in the restaurant?” Zhou Mi’s eyes were wide. “You didn’t say anything.”
No, he hadn’t. Climbing back into bed to use Zhou Mi’s presence to make himself forget. But he lied. “I didn’t even think about it. I’m so used to them.”
“Then whoever left the letter, slashed your tires… Is here at the hotel?”
“They could have had the letter delivered,” Kyuhyun pointed out. Not that he really believed that. The hotel didn’t operate that way. But it was easier to say so than to admit someone who had been plaguing him could see them at that very moment.
“And the tires might be unrelated,” Kyuhyun offered.
Those eyebrows were still low, considering Kyuhyun’s face. Too shrewd, that face. “But you don’t think so, do you?”
It was uncomfortable to admit. “No.”
“That’s kind of serious, isn’t it? Has anything been done to your property before?”
“No. So that’s why it could be unrelated.”
“What did the letter say?” Zhou Mi pressed.
And that was a place he was not going. Zhou Mi didn’t know what letters he’d been getting, didn’t know what any of them said. And he wasn’t going to change that. Not because he didn’t think Zhou Mi couldn’t handle it, but because he didn’t want Zhou Mi to look at him like he was being haunted. Zhou Mi almost seemed to think he was normal sometimes, joking with him, playing with him. That wasn’t something anyone could be paid to do. And if he could protect Zhou Mi from it all, he was going to. So he swallowed his worry, and lifted his mask.
“I don’t really want to talk about it right now, but you don’t have to worry. Should we go in before we’re beyond fashionably late?”
Zhou Mi sharply inhaled, finally seeing what he hadn’t paid attention to in worrying about the car. “Your hair!”
“You’re the one who suggested it, right?” Kyuhyun asked. “Come on.”
Few people were dancing when they went in, more mingling and eating. Wine and other drinks flowing, though discretely. They both got plates, Zhou Mi sending him pointing looks at Kyuhyun’s head but unable to say much about it as they wandered and schmoozed. Or were schmoozed, as it were. Zhou Mi kind of led the conversation for once, either seeing that Kyuhyun was quieter than usual, or just feeling comfortable because of the mask. And he liked the mask, having been there when Zhou Mi picked it out. The black and gold filagree accenting his face, his dark hair. He had the best of possible options when it came to men, he was pretty sure of that, watching Zhou Mi laugh at something that was being said. The flashing teeth and curling lips. The point of his chin.
“Let’s dance,” he murmured, when the conversation lulled. No one had to talk to them while they were out on the floor.
They danced mainly because they couldn’t get out of it, because it was expected. And he figured it was better to get out there before someone started bullying them about it. That and it gave him a chance to rest his head, and let some of his worry leech into Zhou Mi.
It wasn’t as though they were the only men dancing together, but it was certainly the first time that he had danced quite like that with another man. Not since, he thought, he had been instructed on the most basic waltz. Zhou Mi seemed to pick up on his cues, giving or leading as they wove amidst the other couples. It was nice because he didn’t feel the need to lead, exactly, letting Zhou Mi guide them equally. He was just lucky their masks weren’t bulky, not in any danger of being caught on each other. It hid part of Zhou Mi’s face, changed his whole look. It wasn’t bad. Just not what he was used to.
“I like your hair,” Zhou Mi said softly, ruffling the edges of it with his breath.
He snorted. “You’re flattering yourself.”
“I’d be flattering myself if I was the one who got my hair cut. I just mean that I think it suits you very much.”
“Was I ugly before?”
“No… It’s just another attractive side of you.”
“I guess I can’t argue, if you think I’m hot.”
Zhou Mi laughed softly, squeezing his side. “Kui Xian.”
“So, with this hair, you’d do me?”
There was silence and when he craned his head around to see why, Zhou Mi’s face was oddly frozen.
“Maybe we should get something to drink,” he heard, a hand sliding to his elbow.
“No way,” he said, not letting Zhou Mi go. “Answer the question.”
Locked together on the edge of the dance floor, they had stopped dancing, but at least the frozen expression was gone. Replaced by soft eyes that dipped closed, their mouths meeting as the song around them kept on going. It was a kiss that sent turmoil racing through him, grasping for control of his flushing and his desire to lean in and kiss back. He took Zhou Mi’s arm, intending to get them to any corner by themselves that he could find.
He didn’t get that chance, Zhou Mi’s nose nearly taking off his as someone clapped him on the back.
“Good to see you getting along,” he heard, from the familiar voice of Kangin, another CEO he knew.
Zhou Mi kind of smiled at Kyuhyun. “I’ll go get us a drink.”
He nodded, jerking his eyes from the way the cut of Zhou Mi’s jacket sat at his hips. There were a lot of things they could get up to back in the room, he thought. And he’d start with that jacket. Maybe leave on the shirt and cufflinks. He thought Zhou Mi would look good with those flashing beside his face.
“You’re the last one I pegged to have a man like that falling for you. He’s totally into you.”
“Why shouldn’t he be?” Kyuhyun asked, a little laugh in the end of it to make it sound a little less arrogant. But inside he was wondering. That was how it looked like to others? Of course that was what they meant to portray, but for a second he had a flash of clarity.
“He’s definitely not just after you for your money, that’s for sure. How long till he gets a ring from you?”
“He’ll have to save my life first.”
Kangin laughed at the quip, and Kyuhyun watched as Zhou Mi got waylaid on the way back, holding the two glasses in his hand carefully as he tipped his head down to talk to a man who’d stopped him. He didn’t realize he’d made a sound when the man touched Zhou Mi’s arm.
“What’s that?” Kangin asked from beside him.
“Nothing,” he said, forcing a smile.
“They did good organizing this. And here’s your drinks.”
The glass was chilled, a contrast to Zhou Mi’s fingers as he took it from him. He wanted no misunderstandings, not from some guy who thought it’d be good to flirt with Zhou Mi, or from any of his acquaintances. Their hips banged together almost painfully as he got an arm around Zhou Mi’s waist. Maybe it was a little possessive. Maybe too much. He wondered if Zhou Mi knew what he was thinking. But Zhou Mi squeezed his arm out, getting it above, behind Kyuhyun’s, and letting his hand rest solid on Kyuhyun’s shoulder. They were joined, a unit. Zhou Mi didn’t ask, or even pause. A good act, maybe. But it didn’t feel like it so much as he got his fingers curled around Zhou Mi’s hipbone. The warmth of him, even through his clothes, against his arm. Zhou Mi’s lips tilted, eyes focused and soft as he listened to the conversation. Eyes flicking to Kyuhyun’s every so often, without so much as a worry.
“What are you thinking?” Zhou Mi whispered as they wandered. He saw Zhou Mi surrounded by all the brightly dressed people, bright around Zhou Mi, bright with him. He belonged in that room, not Kyuhyun. He struggled too much with it to every feel totally at ease, putting on any facade he could to hide it. And any one of the men, the ones who admired Zhou Mi tonight, probably would’ve been a better match for him than Kyuhyun was.
“That at least you won’t have to deal with this much longer,” Kyuhyun murmured back.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean these aren’t exactly scintillating events, getting thrown into this with me. You’ll have a lot wider dating range when this is all over.”
“Why would you think that?” Zhou Mi asked, tugging at his shoulder and stopping him. “Have I made you think that?”
He leaned in, feeling like an idiot for even saying something. “I have a headache.”
“Then let’s get out of here. We’ve been here long enough,” Zhou Mi said, shepherding him out of the room, evading all conversations. He took off his mask in the elevator, trying to relax his tense neck.
“You should’ve let me know you weren’t feeling well,” Zhou Mi fussed slightly, letting them into the room.
“It just slowly got worse. I was dealing.”
Badly, clearly. The news of his tires had rattled him more than he knew, to have said something stupid like that to Zhou Mi. Better to just get to the end of the contract and figure out what to do with everything then. Everything being Zhou Mi. He ignored the prick of worry at the thought of not having Zhou Mi near him, crouching to rummage for clothes in his suitcase.
The thick white envelope he saw there had all the hairs on the back of his neck standing up. His name, pasted onto the front. In his suitcase. And it wasn’t the letter of that morning, because he’d tucked it far underneath his suitcase lining. Plus it had only had a single sheet of paper, whereas this was heavy. He slit it open, not paying attention to Zhou Mi puttering.
Pictures, a whole stack of them. He remembered that day, the paper coffee cup in his hand, shopping bag in the other. They’d just bought their masks, the ones that were sitting right next to him. He was laughing at some unseen person. But he knew what the next frames would’ve been. Zhou Mi, stepping up to give him a goodbye kiss. Someone had been following them? His fingers on the picture behind it hit something odd, and something fell. A rough surface, and half a photo fluttering to floor. The next photo wasn't of him, but Zhou Mi. Face torn almost exactly in half. In the light, he could almost see his face reflected back off of the glossy surface, the jagged edge more disturbing than any knife.
Zhou Mi had plucked them it out of his fingers before he could even think to hide it, rifling through the images.
“Where did you get these?”
“They were laying on top of my clothes, in my suitcase. But they weren’t there when I left.”
He was silenced as Zhou Mi bolted away, thighs flashing underneath of his robe as he checked the closets, the side door entrance, under the beds. Even the windows and curtains. No one was still in the room, the set of Zhou Mi’s shoulders seemed to say. But the efficient search startled him.
“We should go home,” Zhou Mi said. “If someone got in here and left those, I don’t want to know what they’ll bring next.”
“You think this is a legitimate threat?”
“It isn’t? That someone’s watching, even tying your shoe?” Zhou Mi’s voice was muffled a second as he tugged on a shirt. “My picture is a throwaway in there, because those pictures aren’t meant to threaten me. They’re meant to freak you out.”
“We could just get our locks re-keyed, set the deadbolt.”
Zhou Mi crouched beside him, eyes so serious that he could almost have been a different person. “What else did they touch in here, Kyuhyun? What else did they leave?”
Disgust curled through him as Zhou Mi’s point sank in. “Okay. Let’s go.”
They called Eeteuk to let the police know. The police could find out how someone had gotten into their room, if anyone knew anything, or had seen. He felt empty by the time he locked his car doors, glad the tires were fixed. But by then, with Zhou Mi stoic and supporting beside him, he would have called a taxi or walked before staying at that hotel a moment longer. He wanted to leave, go.
Home was where it was safe. Home, he thought, as he eased the car out of the hotel’s garage, checking to make sure the brakes were working. Home was where Zhou Mi tucked him into bed with a pain pill and tea, sliding close enough to smell, and falling asleep with his hand on Kyuhyun’s hip. Home was where he stared at the ceiling and worried, waited. Turning to Zhou Mi in the dark and listening to him breathe, touching the still face. He pressed his nose against the edge of the hand Zhou Mi had curled beside his face, not wanting to wake him, and found a different sort of home entirely.
***