[Fic] All That I Am - 5/12
Title: All That I Am
Author: Coley Merrin
Rating: R
Pairing: Zhou Mi/Kyuhyun
Genre: AU, Romance
Summary: To find a date that Kyuhyun can stomach is impossible - unless they hire one to pretend. But not even the perfect companion can stop years worth of threats, or keep their acting from becoming all too real.
***
Chapter One * Chapter Two * Chapter Three * Chapter Four * Chapter Five * Chapter Six
***
Kyuhyun stood in the middle of his bedroom, in it alone. It was a strange feeling, since he was used to there being some kind of noise, some sort of presence. Zhou Mi in the chair, the bed, the bathroom. The closet. It was weird, like he wasn’t even in the right place any more. And all he really had to do was look, to see Zhou Mi’s belt curled loosely on his dresser, a book and notepad beside the bed with a random bracelet laying on it. Obviously in the closet he saw Zhou Mi’s things, and in the bathroom, his hair dryer, his bathrobe and the little pots of whatever he left to decorate his side of the sink.
It was a sort of startling realization that it wasn’t “his bedroom” any more. It was theirs. Like Zhou Mi had wandered around sprinkling Zhou Mi-dust and wedging himself into the corners. Not even Zhou Mi laughing, the ring of his phone, puttering around putting things away, none of that interrupted him, really. He didn’t feel pushed out, irritated that his own space was gone. Maybe it was because he’d never seen it as his, not really. It was his place to sleep, and he didn’t even do that much there. Ironically, now that he had to avoid picking up Zhou Mi’s shampoo instead of his in the shower, it felt more like his own than it ever had.
And Zhou Mi. Maybe being a little bit drunk dimmed his memory of them kissing that night. It was harder to forget the next one. After all, he’d been the one up against that wall with Zhou Mi’s thigh between his and Zhou Mi’s hands all but pulling him up into Zhou Mi’s hips. It had been like his life ending, except that instead of scenes from his life, it had been all the sexual encounters he’d ever had. Maybe the encounter with that person had been more erotic, or the one night stand with that one guy had been-
He was kidding no one, least of all himself. He hadn’t even been able to hold back the damn moans, and it embarrassed him to remember it. But then, it had been Zhou Mi who had grabbed him when that hadn’t exactly been part of the plan, and it had been Zhou Mi who had kissed him, too. And there had been the insistent warmth against his abdomen, and he didn’t need to be psychic to understand that. If Zhou Mi had been embarrassed by it, he had hidden it well. Getting through that night just fine, playing the part of the attentive boyfriend. So maybe doing a little grinding together turned Zhou Mi on. They were grown men, knew what they liked. It didn’t have to be some interlude to be hot. Or at least he told himself that later in the shower, when he’d been unable to get it out of his head and banning all thoughts of Zhou Mi doing the same when they switched places in the bathroom. It could’ve just been that he wasn’t showing himself enough attention, and his brain was going wild. It didn’t help that all the clothes they had bought hit every plane, curve, and angle on Zhou Mi’s body. It was worse than Zhou Mi walking around naked, because instead of him just ignoring it, he had to wonder what was going on underneath that fabric.
He’d given up on sanity, at that point.
And it just meant that beyond his room, he was starting to feel like Zhou Mi at his elbow was something normal when he went out. And he didn’t know what to make of it. It wasn’t like Eeteuk exactly. Or some kind of social secretary. He couldn’t even say it was like having an employee, because even though Kyuhyun knew the people they saw, it was more like they were partners. Partners in deception, he thought, blowing out an amused breath.
Out of the corner of his eye, he caught movement, and was off like a pouncing cat. He was on a mission.
He’d sensed the danger, plotted the course. He had a weapon in his hand. He was prepared.
There was a spider on the loose.
He wasn’t particularly scared of bugs, unless they were poisonous or especially harmful. He didn’t get the urge to flee if they were in his space. But his mother had instilled in him a very pressing need that no creeping, crawling things should be in his residence. No bugs inside, she’d informed him, shuddering. Dirty. He’d been a little boy once, fascinated by anything gross or weird, so that she got that through to him was telling.
He couldn’t help but start the search to get it out the little scuttling invader. He found something to kill it with, because he did find killing bugs with his hand somewhat distasteful, and started un-piling things from the corner it had advanced into.
He probably looked ridiculous going about it, only half dressed, and keeping an eye out like he was going on safari. He let the sound in the doorway distract him, looking back to see Zhou Mi regarding him curiously.
“Hunting a spider,” he said, hoping that sounded rather manly. “Want in on it?”
He didn’t think it was his imagination that Zhou Mi suddenly got further out the door. And his thought rang true.
“I’m…not really good with insects and things,” Zhou Mi said. “Was it big?”
“Big enough. We’ll get it before it has babies, that’s for sure.”
And he struck like some kind of cobra, half missing, and then succeeding. No bugs in his room. He sighed, making for the door.
“Here, take it,” he said, pretending to thrust the paper at Zhou Mi.
“Kui Xian!” Zhou Mi exploded, arms coming up, as though protecting himself from a blow.
“Okay, okay,” he said, laughing. “Calm down. You really weren’t joking about being freaked out by them.”
“Why would I joke about something like that? It’d be nice if I could just pretend otherwise.”
He tossed the paper into the trash. “You’re funny.”
“I know,” Zhou Mi said, still sounding put out. “People come from all over to laugh at me.”
“So, Kui Xian… Is that a name that you have for spiders, or what?”
Of course, he knew very well what it was, but he couldn’t resist poking fun at Zhou Mi a little more. Getting embarrassed by calling him a different name was probably better than imagining spiders armed with machetes coming after him, or whatever his subconscious was telling him to be afraid of.
“I’m sorry, it must have slipped out by accident.”
It made sense, if Zhou Mi thought in Chinese. Using a form of his name would make sense. “I see.”
“It won’t happen again.”
Apparently Zhou Mi thought he was put out by it, which wasn’t exactly true. In the right situation, it’d even be nice. Having pet names was a couple thing. It was something they could pull out if they had to. All of that was the official stuff, though. When he set that aside, remembered what it had sounded like from Zhou Mi’s mouth, he actually kind of liked it. No one else called him that, or had really tried. He shook himself out of it.
“Don’t worry about it. I didn’t mind.”
That was as kind of a way as he could say it, without admitting that he’d liked it. But to find out if he’d really liked it, Zhou Mi would have had to say it again. No. He should’ve just made fun.
***
Zhou Mi’s eyes swept the bedroom as he exited the bathroom. Not for any threats, but if Kyuhyun had killed one spider or insect, there could be more. And he was usually okay with that knowledge, as long as he couldn’t see anything. But that didn’t mean he wasn’t going to thoroughly check. He didn’t really say anything as he went in. Bedtime conversation was not a given. Sometimes he would enter their bedroom and find Kyuhyun asleep, or reading, or wearing a definite do-not-disturb expression. Or Kyuhyun would just be too late. Though he had been better about that. Maybe it was because he knew he had to be on his toes for their meetings and parties, or maybe Eeteuk’s lectures had sank in, or something. He didn’t really have to know why, but it was comforting to know that when he went to sleep at night, Kyuhyun was there too, and he didn’t have to worry about anything outside of their bedroom.
Their bedroom. That was odd still.
Sometimes they talked about the next day, when they were getting up. Sometimes Kyuhyun seemed to have some kind of tangent that he really needed to get out. Sometimes Kyuhyun was already laying in bed, waiting for Zhou Mi to finish getting ready for bed and turn out his light. But he hadn’t even made it under the covers before Kyuhyun started talking, a rant if he had ever heard one.
“It’s so stupid. One of the board members joked I should be careful not to let you get me on my back. Does that make me some kind of honorary woman? They ever stop to think that we might like it? Because if the guy is any more average than, say, a fence post, it’s probably going to feel pretty good.”
Zhou Mi felt the bottom of his stomach take a hard turn. They were talking about sexual preferences? Maybe, considering the other day, that was a bad idea.
“I guess, maybe they’re thinking of control..?”
“Hell, you think that the captain isn’t the one driving the ship just because he doesn’t have the rudder?” Kyuhyun set aside his book with a careless toss onto the table. “And besides, if everyone thought it was their right in life to stick it in something every time they had sex, there wouldn’t be anyone to have sex with.”
“Hmm.” Of course, when Kyuhyun had tossed around the word “we” it made him think. “You think I prefer to bottom?”
Kyuhyun’s hand paused as he was adjusting the blanket. He actually turned fully on his side to stare at Zhou Mi. Which was uncomfortable. “I guess I assumed.”
“I…no. I mean, I have, but I don’t really…Sometimes?”
His skin shivered as Kyuhyun reached for his hand, measured their palms together, considering. “You don’t look like you could hold down a flea sometimes, but that’s kind of an illusion, isn’t it? And here I thought we had the same preferences.” That voice dropped low, a husky whisper that mesmerized him. “Maybe we shouldn’t be sharing a bed after all.”
Zhou Mi blinked, dumbfounded as Kyuhyun slid a teasing hand up his chest.
“Don’t look so scared,” Kyuhyun chided, laughing and rolling onto his back. “I’m not going to come nibble on you during the night.”
Oh, but what if Zhou Mi said please? Where had all that even come from? One stupid conversation that had niggled at Kyuhyun throughout the whole day, and just exploded when he had someone to discuss it with him.
“I guess no one’s going to make us prove we’ve had sex.” Stupid, stupid, why did you even mention that, idiot.
“Not unless we have really weird conversation partners. You have any markings I can talk about? Birth marks? Odd patches of hair?”
“Odd patches of…No! I mean. I guess I have a mark on my hipbone, but… Hey!”
He nearly fell off the side of the bed as Kyuhyun lunged for him, and then it was a tug of war with his underwear waistband.
“Which side, right or left?” Kyuhyun demanded as Zhou Mi swatted and pushed at him completely without effect.
“Left! Left!”
“Hardly worth talking about, “ Kyuhyun said, considering the little dark mark.
“Well, I don’t-”
All it was was bone and flesh and skin, but he swore even the roots of his hair flushed when Kyuhyun’s mouth met his hip. And then again, and then again, as if Kyuhyun was some kind of little woodpecker, dropping tiny kisses on his skin.
“There. Now I can say I can’t keep my mouth off it and I won’t be lying,” Kyuhyun said, smirking a bit as he flopped back up toward the pillows. Zhou Mi tugged his clothes back into place, glad that Kyuhyun was no longer in any vicinity of his hips.
“I’m so glad for you,” he pouted.
“Which part of me would you like to kiss?” Kyuhyun asked, lips still curled in a way that made Zhou Mi want to choose right there.
But that obviously wasn’t an option. He was pretty sure they’d get in bigger trouble than they had last time, given Kyuhyun’s mood.
“I think I can tell someone I’ve kissed it without actually doing it,” Zhou Mi said, not really caring that the statement came out sounding a little wrong.
“Not if you don’t know where “it” is.”
And then Kyuhyun was on his knees, toes peeking out, and pulling up the back of his shirt to reveal the bottom of his ribs, his waist, the top of his hips.
“Somewhere here,” Kyuhyun said, rubbing in the general vicinity of his lower, lower, lower back.
Zhou Mi didn’t really see the cute, balloon shaped mark at first, because he was too distracted by the skin Kyuhyun had revealed, imagining that the shirt kept going up, and the pants kept going down. And it was no stretch there to imagine covering that silken back with his own body, skin to skin, fitting them together, and…
“Seriously, do you need glasses? Any time now.”
“I see it. That’s fine!”
For someone who had his back turned to Zhou Mi, Kyuhyun found his chin with ease, nearly driving Zhou Mi’s nose into his back. “Then we’ll be even. Just do it.”
He thought he felt Kyuhyun shiver as he exhaled, brushing butterfly-soft kisses to his skin, imagining that instead, each touch of his mouth brought a moan. He thought he might be bruising his own thighs, trying to keep from reaching, touching Kyuhyun’s belly and hold him back against him.
He wrenched Kyuhyun’s shirt down like it was some kind of shutter, scrambling up toward his pillow and keeping his knees elevated. It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair that with a few jokes and some biting words, and that bared skin, and all he wanted from Kyuhyun was to take and take. It wasn’t fair that it turned him on that way. As Kyuhyun moved, the material of his pajamas conformed to his thighs, and Zhou Mi’s head thunked back against the headboard. There absolutely was something about Kyuhyun he found dreadfully unattractive. He was going to find it, he swore. Not the long, tapered fingers, or…
“Hey,” Kyuhyun said, and poked Zhou Mi’s side.
“What?” he yelped, hunching protectively over his still completely hidden arousal.
“Turn off your light?”
Kyuhyun was looking at him rather oddly, and he nearly knocked the lamp down reaching for the dangling pull to turn it off. The light faded, and he wished again that it was possible he could turn himself off that easily.
He couldn’t be attracted to Kyuhyun, that was all there was to it. They had to maintain some distance between them, personally, no matter what they showed in public. It wasn’t in his nature not to care. It wasn’t all about Kyuhyun’s mouth. More than that, it was about that brilliant smile, that quiet, unrestrained laugh. That agile mind, and just that hint of fragility. His body wanted him, but his mind was starting to like him. And his heart, well. On that front he didn’t know how many chances he could take.
***
They had an entire week stretching out in front of them with no parties, no get togethers, nothing outside of Kyuhyun’s house at all. Everyone was preparing for the upcoming conferences, and so the banal little meetings had been put on hold. Keeping tabs on their competition was a serious business, but when it came to showing off, that preparation took precedence. It just meant that the next round of gatherings would be twice as annoying.
But it also meant that Kyuhyun had time. The flow of work had trickled down, as global partners prepared as well. He’d caught up on almost all his paperwork, double checked all his email. Even Eeteuk wasn’t sure what to do with himself as things came almost to a standstill. It meant spending more time at home. He all but lived in the gym and the library, immersing himself in games until his mind ached, working out until he fell asleep aching. Eating across from Zhou Mi and trying to make battle plans. Zhou Mi had a final fitting for a much-needed tuxedo, and his had been cleaned, so they were ready for just about anything thrown at them. Mostly thanks to Eeteuk.
And if at home he wasn’t spending as much time with Zhou Mi, then he could really only blame himself. He was trying to get his bearings. Eeteuk was satisfied on their established relationship so far, and knowing he probably did not want to push Kyuhyun too far when they had a lot of things coming up that made his back itch even thinking about it. Some kind of dance, and… He shook it off.
Though Zhou Mi seemed to be a little psychic. He heard the bouncing of the ball before he even got there, tempted to turn and leave, and unable to do so. Watching Zhou Mi execute a semi-respectable layup. He certainly looked tall enough to be a basketball player, in his laced up athletic shoes and swishy shorts. And whatever strangely designed tank top he was wearing.
“Who said you could use this?” he called out, depositing his water bottle and towel beside Zhou Mi’s.
If Zhou Mi seemed overly surprised, he didn’t show it, turning the ball over in his hands.
“You did,” he answered affably enough. “Did you want me to go?”
Kyuhyun caught the ball, bouncing it a few times, mulling what he actually wanted. If Zhou Mi stayed, they could play. If he went, Kyuhyun could fool around a while. It’d been a while since he’d been able to play a game with someone else. It didn’t seem hard to figure out just what it was that he wanted.
He bounced the ball forcefully, Zhou Mi barely catching it before it came up to smack him in the stomach.
“Let’s play.”
Zhou Mi sort of twisted the ball in his hands. Plenty big enough to hold onto the ball, but looking a bit awkward about it.
“I don’t play very well,” Zhou Mi told him. “I like it, I mean.”
“It’s just the two of us. You don’t have to try out for the Olympics. Just shoot some hoops.”
“How about a game of H.O.R.S.E.?”
Kyuhyun laughed, shaking his head. “How about a game, and then H.O.R.S.E.?”
Zhou Mi grinned at him and made an easy two point basket.
“Cheater,” he accused.
“I need that advantage,” Zhou Mi argued, and they started on that competitive edge.
There was the squeak of their shoes on the floorboards, the sound of pants and the thud of the ball. The ring of it against the hoop, the net swishing as a ball dropped through. He taunted Zhou Mi as Zhou Mi charged him, and sometimes that worked to his advantage, distracting him. Sometimes it just made Zhou Mi determined. He watched the long arms tip the ball up through the hoop and do a very ungentlemanly boogie.
“I thought you said you weren’t any good,” he panted, trying not to see the way the shorts clung to Zhou Mi’s ass as he retrieved the ball.
“I’m not very good. You make me want to play better.”
Ah, the taunting. But the truth of it was, Kyuhyun was only a couple of baskets ahead. He grinned, flicking a droplet of sweat from the end of Zhou Mi’s nose. And he almost made off with the ball, too, if Zhou Mi hadn’t been wise to him, grabbing him around the waist as the ball bounced a few times and rolled harmlessly away.
“I needed that ball,” he said, giving Zhou Mi a rather pointed look. “That was a foul.”
“Oh really?”
They both probably collectively stank like the inside of a gym bag, but Zhou Mi’s color was high. It made him think of something else entirely.
He could feel the way the cloth clung to Zhou Mi’s skin as he touched his side, and wasn’t particularly sure who leaned into the kiss first. All he knew that was one second he’d caught his breath, and the next second he was losing it again. The slide of his hand on Zhou Mi’s neck, the purr as they kissed. Generous Zhou Mi. Generous mouth, generous hands. He’d lost count of the times he’d told himself no, all the excuses. Testing himself to see how far he could go without reaching to take. But it was here, now, real. He began to wonder if they’d even be able to make it to the shower room. Zhou Mi’s hand sliding through his hair had him moaning, and he gripped the slender hips tighter. A little release in the showers was hurting no one, if they both wanted it.
He felt like his spine had been slammed in it, as the door to the court shut loudly, echoing. He tore his mouth from Zhou Mi’s, twisting to see who the intruder was.
And of course, it was Eeteuk. He sighed in frustration, feeling Zhou Mi puffing light against his ear.
“Looks like you two are getting a workout,” Eeteuk said, smirking far more than he thought was necessary.
“Yes, and it would’ve been nice if you let us finish,” he shot back.
“Sorry. Business that can’t wait.” And then the man stared at Zhou Mi as though that would make him disappear.
For some reason that torqued him, knowing Eeteuk wanted Zhou Mi gone not only for business but to pick at him about what Eeteuk had just seen. And if he was wrong, he’d eat his towel.
“I’ll see you back inside,” Zhou Mi told him, and tossed him one of the towels they had brought. He watched as Zhou Mi jogged to the door, and knew the next few minutes would include him stripping, and wet under the warm water. And he was stuck with a man who put even his smugness to shame.
“You wanted to talk, so talk,” he said, scrubbing at his hair with the towel, and picking up his water bottle.
“Who were you trying to prove to that you were dating this time? The net? The floor?”
“You put him in front of my fucking face,” Kyuhyun barked at the clear amusement in Eeteuk’s voice. “You knew… You knew this could happen.”
“That you’d want him? Is that such a bad thing?”
“It is when he works for me. You think he’d like it if I walked up to him and said, hey, you like that money I’m paying you? How about you do a little something for me to keep getting that.”
Eeteuk looked unamused to say the least.
“If he wants you too, then I think he knows you have more scruples than that. I don’t even like to hear you joke like that.”
“I was kind of pissed you interrupted us, but it was probably a good thing. I knew better, and I let you talk me into this.”
“How many years have I known you?”
“Three or four? I don’t know?” Too many, it felt like sometimes. When he was disgruntled anyway. He just couldn’t deal with Eeteuk’s face when he didn’t even have it all figured out for himself yet. That kiss shouldn’t have happened. Eeteuk was right. There wasn’t anyone there to prove anything to. And he hadn’t shown Zhou Mi anything but what an idiot he was.
“You look more rested now than you have in any of those years. Hell, Kyuhyun, you actually look happy sometimes.”
“So you’re saying some good sweaty sex would do wonders for my disposition? How much easier this all must make your job.”
“Kyuhyun.”
“Yeah, yeah. I know you worry, mother hen. I had no idea I was hiring a nanny, too. I know you came here to talk about more than my sex life.”
Eeteuk handed him a pen, dimple peeking. “Just for your signature.”
***
Zhou Mi looked up from his side of the bed, smiling at him like nothing had happened. Great. Except for the part where he could still feel the give of Zhou Mi’s skin under his clothes if he thought about it hard enough. That was really when he realized that some of what Zhou Mi showed him was a front. A pretty storefront of a man who didn’t care at all, who couldn’t want Kyuhyun at all, who wasn’t bothered. A marathon-shopping, bug-fearing, closet-loving fake.
Zhou Mi yelped like he’d been shot as the pillow ricocheted off his shoulder. How many times had he seen the real Zhou Mi? In the gym, that had been undoubtable. But in front of people, all that smoothness? How much of that was real.
“Kyuhyun!” Zhou Mi protested as he brought the pillow down again.
“Fight back!”
He had some sexual frustration to let out.
His next blow was cushioned by Zhou Mi’s pillow, desperately held as a shield. And he half expected it to stay that way, as some kind of defense, until another pillow slammed into his stomach. He panted, frozen in battle position, searching Zhou Mi’s wary eyes.
“War!”
So he had expensive sculptures and stuff. They were careful. Mostly. Even as the battle got taken to the floor, and he half smothered Zhou Mi in an attempt to get away. Knees slamming together and elbows flying. If there’d been feathers in the pillows, they’d have been covered in those too. Somehow he got flipped onto his back, held there like he was some kind of animal in a trap as Zhou Mi beat at him, not hard but steady, just waiting for him to give.
“Truce,” he panted, and watched as Zhou Mi collapsed onto his back, hugging the pillow to his chest.
“What was that about?” Zhou Mi asked, wary.
“Didn’t get to finish my workout, since Eeteuk interrupted,” Kyuhyun said, propping his head up on his hand.
He let the words hang out there. Interrupted, yes. Not his workout in particular. He was testing a little, he realized. To see if what Zhou Mi showed him, when it was just them, was real. But he didn’t think anyone could fake confusion like that.
“What do you want?” Zhou Mi asked.
Too many things. Way too many things. Apparently he thought he was okay without them, until he had a man in his face taunting him with everything he was missing.
“Fuck,” he cursed emphatically.
Zhou Mi was silent a moment. “Okay?”
And then he thought about what that sounded like, turning with a laugh. “No, I don’t mean like that. Well, not exactly like that. This couldn’t have just been simple, could it?”
“Well, we could have hoped.”
“I have money. I can buy you bad breath or something.”
“Really?”
“That or you could sue me. It’s a bad idea no matter what way you look at it.”
***
“Sue you?” Oh, Zhou Mi laughed at that. He’d come into the job as some kind of glorified personal assistant/babysitter/pretend boyfriend. Knowing his boss was hot. Not knowing that he’d have to be locking lips with him, living with him, seeing his body, getting to know more than he every realized about him. Sure he was a professional, but he was also a man. And when his hands and his mouth were all over a guy he really did want, that didn’t become the footnote, it was the headline. But to sue him for some making out that had been mutually wanted? He didn’t think so. If Eeteuk hadn’t interrupted them, there had been no reason to stop. Just touching more of that sweaty skin, teasing out one more moan. The floor of a basketball court was kind of an improbable place for them to start stripping, and just to think that he’d have been in those shorts in some way if they’d just had a little more time... He let out a slow breath, because he’d dealt with himself on that front already.
But Kyuhyun’s eyes were dark, close. Every secret in there that he wanted to figure out, dismantle, absorb. Pushing that shirt from Kyuhyun’s shoulders, and-
"Tell me honestly. Do you want me?" Kyuhyun asked, voice deceptively quiet.
It was too close, too real. It was supposed to be pretend.
"That's not part of my job description," Zhou Mi said on a note of panic, struggling to try to get to his feet. He didn't get far as Kyuhyun's hand was vising on his arm.
"I didn't- I'm not asking as your boss.."
Just an act, he'd told himself. Just part of the job, just playing along, nothing real. But Kyuhyun's grip, his eyes, those weren't acting. That was a man who needed to know where he stood, and very badly at that. Kyuhyun who pushed women away by the dozens, who didn't let himself date even one person who could matter, make him care, take his time. No one who could take him from the job he did for his father. And he wanted to know if Zhou Mi, who was nothing but an employee pretending to date him, wanted him?
"Would telling you be cheating?" he asked softly.
But he didn't wait for the question to sink into Kyuhyun's head, thinking he was mocking him perhaps, or worse. No, he wasn't mocking Kyuhyun's feelings. And they'd come to know each other well enough that it wasn't just about caring about another human being. Maybe he wouldn't quite call them friends, but they were a heck of a lot more than what they'd started as.
Kyuhyun's breath puffed against his face as they kissed. Moist lips clinging to his as their mouths brushed, and again. Again.
And when Zhou Mi held him back by the shoulders, Kyuhyun's face was quiet. No mockery, no smirking. No outward signs of happiness, either. Only more of a question.
"Then who's cheating now?" Kyuhyun asked him.
***
Author: Coley Merrin
Rating: R
Pairing: Zhou Mi/Kyuhyun
Genre: AU, Romance
Summary: To find a date that Kyuhyun can stomach is impossible - unless they hire one to pretend. But not even the perfect companion can stop years worth of threats, or keep their acting from becoming all too real.
***
Chapter One * Chapter Two * Chapter Three * Chapter Four * Chapter Five * Chapter Six
***
Kyuhyun stood in the middle of his bedroom, in it alone. It was a strange feeling, since he was used to there being some kind of noise, some sort of presence. Zhou Mi in the chair, the bed, the bathroom. The closet. It was weird, like he wasn’t even in the right place any more. And all he really had to do was look, to see Zhou Mi’s belt curled loosely on his dresser, a book and notepad beside the bed with a random bracelet laying on it. Obviously in the closet he saw Zhou Mi’s things, and in the bathroom, his hair dryer, his bathrobe and the little pots of whatever he left to decorate his side of the sink.
It was a sort of startling realization that it wasn’t “his bedroom” any more. It was theirs. Like Zhou Mi had wandered around sprinkling Zhou Mi-dust and wedging himself into the corners. Not even Zhou Mi laughing, the ring of his phone, puttering around putting things away, none of that interrupted him, really. He didn’t feel pushed out, irritated that his own space was gone. Maybe it was because he’d never seen it as his, not really. It was his place to sleep, and he didn’t even do that much there. Ironically, now that he had to avoid picking up Zhou Mi’s shampoo instead of his in the shower, it felt more like his own than it ever had.
And Zhou Mi. Maybe being a little bit drunk dimmed his memory of them kissing that night. It was harder to forget the next one. After all, he’d been the one up against that wall with Zhou Mi’s thigh between his and Zhou Mi’s hands all but pulling him up into Zhou Mi’s hips. It had been like his life ending, except that instead of scenes from his life, it had been all the sexual encounters he’d ever had. Maybe the encounter with that person had been more erotic, or the one night stand with that one guy had been-
He was kidding no one, least of all himself. He hadn’t even been able to hold back the damn moans, and it embarrassed him to remember it. But then, it had been Zhou Mi who had grabbed him when that hadn’t exactly been part of the plan, and it had been Zhou Mi who had kissed him, too. And there had been the insistent warmth against his abdomen, and he didn’t need to be psychic to understand that. If Zhou Mi had been embarrassed by it, he had hidden it well. Getting through that night just fine, playing the part of the attentive boyfriend. So maybe doing a little grinding together turned Zhou Mi on. They were grown men, knew what they liked. It didn’t have to be some interlude to be hot. Or at least he told himself that later in the shower, when he’d been unable to get it out of his head and banning all thoughts of Zhou Mi doing the same when they switched places in the bathroom. It could’ve just been that he wasn’t showing himself enough attention, and his brain was going wild. It didn’t help that all the clothes they had bought hit every plane, curve, and angle on Zhou Mi’s body. It was worse than Zhou Mi walking around naked, because instead of him just ignoring it, he had to wonder what was going on underneath that fabric.
He’d given up on sanity, at that point.
And it just meant that beyond his room, he was starting to feel like Zhou Mi at his elbow was something normal when he went out. And he didn’t know what to make of it. It wasn’t like Eeteuk exactly. Or some kind of social secretary. He couldn’t even say it was like having an employee, because even though Kyuhyun knew the people they saw, it was more like they were partners. Partners in deception, he thought, blowing out an amused breath.
Out of the corner of his eye, he caught movement, and was off like a pouncing cat. He was on a mission.
He’d sensed the danger, plotted the course. He had a weapon in his hand. He was prepared.
There was a spider on the loose.
He wasn’t particularly scared of bugs, unless they were poisonous or especially harmful. He didn’t get the urge to flee if they were in his space. But his mother had instilled in him a very pressing need that no creeping, crawling things should be in his residence. No bugs inside, she’d informed him, shuddering. Dirty. He’d been a little boy once, fascinated by anything gross or weird, so that she got that through to him was telling.
He couldn’t help but start the search to get it out the little scuttling invader. He found something to kill it with, because he did find killing bugs with his hand somewhat distasteful, and started un-piling things from the corner it had advanced into.
He probably looked ridiculous going about it, only half dressed, and keeping an eye out like he was going on safari. He let the sound in the doorway distract him, looking back to see Zhou Mi regarding him curiously.
“Hunting a spider,” he said, hoping that sounded rather manly. “Want in on it?”
He didn’t think it was his imagination that Zhou Mi suddenly got further out the door. And his thought rang true.
“I’m…not really good with insects and things,” Zhou Mi said. “Was it big?”
“Big enough. We’ll get it before it has babies, that’s for sure.”
And he struck like some kind of cobra, half missing, and then succeeding. No bugs in his room. He sighed, making for the door.
“Here, take it,” he said, pretending to thrust the paper at Zhou Mi.
“Kui Xian!” Zhou Mi exploded, arms coming up, as though protecting himself from a blow.
“Okay, okay,” he said, laughing. “Calm down. You really weren’t joking about being freaked out by them.”
“Why would I joke about something like that? It’d be nice if I could just pretend otherwise.”
He tossed the paper into the trash. “You’re funny.”
“I know,” Zhou Mi said, still sounding put out. “People come from all over to laugh at me.”
“So, Kui Xian… Is that a name that you have for spiders, or what?”
Of course, he knew very well what it was, but he couldn’t resist poking fun at Zhou Mi a little more. Getting embarrassed by calling him a different name was probably better than imagining spiders armed with machetes coming after him, or whatever his subconscious was telling him to be afraid of.
“I’m sorry, it must have slipped out by accident.”
It made sense, if Zhou Mi thought in Chinese. Using a form of his name would make sense. “I see.”
“It won’t happen again.”
Apparently Zhou Mi thought he was put out by it, which wasn’t exactly true. In the right situation, it’d even be nice. Having pet names was a couple thing. It was something they could pull out if they had to. All of that was the official stuff, though. When he set that aside, remembered what it had sounded like from Zhou Mi’s mouth, he actually kind of liked it. No one else called him that, or had really tried. He shook himself out of it.
“Don’t worry about it. I didn’t mind.”
That was as kind of a way as he could say it, without admitting that he’d liked it. But to find out if he’d really liked it, Zhou Mi would have had to say it again. No. He should’ve just made fun.
***
Zhou Mi’s eyes swept the bedroom as he exited the bathroom. Not for any threats, but if Kyuhyun had killed one spider or insect, there could be more. And he was usually okay with that knowledge, as long as he couldn’t see anything. But that didn’t mean he wasn’t going to thoroughly check. He didn’t really say anything as he went in. Bedtime conversation was not a given. Sometimes he would enter their bedroom and find Kyuhyun asleep, or reading, or wearing a definite do-not-disturb expression. Or Kyuhyun would just be too late. Though he had been better about that. Maybe it was because he knew he had to be on his toes for their meetings and parties, or maybe Eeteuk’s lectures had sank in, or something. He didn’t really have to know why, but it was comforting to know that when he went to sleep at night, Kyuhyun was there too, and he didn’t have to worry about anything outside of their bedroom.
Their bedroom. That was odd still.
Sometimes they talked about the next day, when they were getting up. Sometimes Kyuhyun seemed to have some kind of tangent that he really needed to get out. Sometimes Kyuhyun was already laying in bed, waiting for Zhou Mi to finish getting ready for bed and turn out his light. But he hadn’t even made it under the covers before Kyuhyun started talking, a rant if he had ever heard one.
“It’s so stupid. One of the board members joked I should be careful not to let you get me on my back. Does that make me some kind of honorary woman? They ever stop to think that we might like it? Because if the guy is any more average than, say, a fence post, it’s probably going to feel pretty good.”
Zhou Mi felt the bottom of his stomach take a hard turn. They were talking about sexual preferences? Maybe, considering the other day, that was a bad idea.
“I guess, maybe they’re thinking of control..?”
“Hell, you think that the captain isn’t the one driving the ship just because he doesn’t have the rudder?” Kyuhyun set aside his book with a careless toss onto the table. “And besides, if everyone thought it was their right in life to stick it in something every time they had sex, there wouldn’t be anyone to have sex with.”
“Hmm.” Of course, when Kyuhyun had tossed around the word “we” it made him think. “You think I prefer to bottom?”
Kyuhyun’s hand paused as he was adjusting the blanket. He actually turned fully on his side to stare at Zhou Mi. Which was uncomfortable. “I guess I assumed.”
“I…no. I mean, I have, but I don’t really…Sometimes?”
His skin shivered as Kyuhyun reached for his hand, measured their palms together, considering. “You don’t look like you could hold down a flea sometimes, but that’s kind of an illusion, isn’t it? And here I thought we had the same preferences.” That voice dropped low, a husky whisper that mesmerized him. “Maybe we shouldn’t be sharing a bed after all.”
Zhou Mi blinked, dumbfounded as Kyuhyun slid a teasing hand up his chest.
“Don’t look so scared,” Kyuhyun chided, laughing and rolling onto his back. “I’m not going to come nibble on you during the night.”
Oh, but what if Zhou Mi said please? Where had all that even come from? One stupid conversation that had niggled at Kyuhyun throughout the whole day, and just exploded when he had someone to discuss it with him.
“I guess no one’s going to make us prove we’ve had sex.” Stupid, stupid, why did you even mention that, idiot.
“Not unless we have really weird conversation partners. You have any markings I can talk about? Birth marks? Odd patches of hair?”
“Odd patches of…No! I mean. I guess I have a mark on my hipbone, but… Hey!”
He nearly fell off the side of the bed as Kyuhyun lunged for him, and then it was a tug of war with his underwear waistband.
“Which side, right or left?” Kyuhyun demanded as Zhou Mi swatted and pushed at him completely without effect.
“Left! Left!”
“Hardly worth talking about, “ Kyuhyun said, considering the little dark mark.
“Well, I don’t-”
All it was was bone and flesh and skin, but he swore even the roots of his hair flushed when Kyuhyun’s mouth met his hip. And then again, and then again, as if Kyuhyun was some kind of little woodpecker, dropping tiny kisses on his skin.
“There. Now I can say I can’t keep my mouth off it and I won’t be lying,” Kyuhyun said, smirking a bit as he flopped back up toward the pillows. Zhou Mi tugged his clothes back into place, glad that Kyuhyun was no longer in any vicinity of his hips.
“I’m so glad for you,” he pouted.
“Which part of me would you like to kiss?” Kyuhyun asked, lips still curled in a way that made Zhou Mi want to choose right there.
But that obviously wasn’t an option. He was pretty sure they’d get in bigger trouble than they had last time, given Kyuhyun’s mood.
“I think I can tell someone I’ve kissed it without actually doing it,” Zhou Mi said, not really caring that the statement came out sounding a little wrong.
“Not if you don’t know where “it” is.”
And then Kyuhyun was on his knees, toes peeking out, and pulling up the back of his shirt to reveal the bottom of his ribs, his waist, the top of his hips.
“Somewhere here,” Kyuhyun said, rubbing in the general vicinity of his lower, lower, lower back.
Zhou Mi didn’t really see the cute, balloon shaped mark at first, because he was too distracted by the skin Kyuhyun had revealed, imagining that the shirt kept going up, and the pants kept going down. And it was no stretch there to imagine covering that silken back with his own body, skin to skin, fitting them together, and…
“Seriously, do you need glasses? Any time now.”
“I see it. That’s fine!”
For someone who had his back turned to Zhou Mi, Kyuhyun found his chin with ease, nearly driving Zhou Mi’s nose into his back. “Then we’ll be even. Just do it.”
He thought he felt Kyuhyun shiver as he exhaled, brushing butterfly-soft kisses to his skin, imagining that instead, each touch of his mouth brought a moan. He thought he might be bruising his own thighs, trying to keep from reaching, touching Kyuhyun’s belly and hold him back against him.
He wrenched Kyuhyun’s shirt down like it was some kind of shutter, scrambling up toward his pillow and keeping his knees elevated. It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair that with a few jokes and some biting words, and that bared skin, and all he wanted from Kyuhyun was to take and take. It wasn’t fair that it turned him on that way. As Kyuhyun moved, the material of his pajamas conformed to his thighs, and Zhou Mi’s head thunked back against the headboard. There absolutely was something about Kyuhyun he found dreadfully unattractive. He was going to find it, he swore. Not the long, tapered fingers, or…
“Hey,” Kyuhyun said, and poked Zhou Mi’s side.
“What?” he yelped, hunching protectively over his still completely hidden arousal.
“Turn off your light?”
Kyuhyun was looking at him rather oddly, and he nearly knocked the lamp down reaching for the dangling pull to turn it off. The light faded, and he wished again that it was possible he could turn himself off that easily.
He couldn’t be attracted to Kyuhyun, that was all there was to it. They had to maintain some distance between them, personally, no matter what they showed in public. It wasn’t in his nature not to care. It wasn’t all about Kyuhyun’s mouth. More than that, it was about that brilliant smile, that quiet, unrestrained laugh. That agile mind, and just that hint of fragility. His body wanted him, but his mind was starting to like him. And his heart, well. On that front he didn’t know how many chances he could take.
***
They had an entire week stretching out in front of them with no parties, no get togethers, nothing outside of Kyuhyun’s house at all. Everyone was preparing for the upcoming conferences, and so the banal little meetings had been put on hold. Keeping tabs on their competition was a serious business, but when it came to showing off, that preparation took precedence. It just meant that the next round of gatherings would be twice as annoying.
But it also meant that Kyuhyun had time. The flow of work had trickled down, as global partners prepared as well. He’d caught up on almost all his paperwork, double checked all his email. Even Eeteuk wasn’t sure what to do with himself as things came almost to a standstill. It meant spending more time at home. He all but lived in the gym and the library, immersing himself in games until his mind ached, working out until he fell asleep aching. Eating across from Zhou Mi and trying to make battle plans. Zhou Mi had a final fitting for a much-needed tuxedo, and his had been cleaned, so they were ready for just about anything thrown at them. Mostly thanks to Eeteuk.
And if at home he wasn’t spending as much time with Zhou Mi, then he could really only blame himself. He was trying to get his bearings. Eeteuk was satisfied on their established relationship so far, and knowing he probably did not want to push Kyuhyun too far when they had a lot of things coming up that made his back itch even thinking about it. Some kind of dance, and… He shook it off.
Though Zhou Mi seemed to be a little psychic. He heard the bouncing of the ball before he even got there, tempted to turn and leave, and unable to do so. Watching Zhou Mi execute a semi-respectable layup. He certainly looked tall enough to be a basketball player, in his laced up athletic shoes and swishy shorts. And whatever strangely designed tank top he was wearing.
“Who said you could use this?” he called out, depositing his water bottle and towel beside Zhou Mi’s.
If Zhou Mi seemed overly surprised, he didn’t show it, turning the ball over in his hands.
“You did,” he answered affably enough. “Did you want me to go?”
Kyuhyun caught the ball, bouncing it a few times, mulling what he actually wanted. If Zhou Mi stayed, they could play. If he went, Kyuhyun could fool around a while. It’d been a while since he’d been able to play a game with someone else. It didn’t seem hard to figure out just what it was that he wanted.
He bounced the ball forcefully, Zhou Mi barely catching it before it came up to smack him in the stomach.
“Let’s play.”
Zhou Mi sort of twisted the ball in his hands. Plenty big enough to hold onto the ball, but looking a bit awkward about it.
“I don’t play very well,” Zhou Mi told him. “I like it, I mean.”
“It’s just the two of us. You don’t have to try out for the Olympics. Just shoot some hoops.”
“How about a game of H.O.R.S.E.?”
Kyuhyun laughed, shaking his head. “How about a game, and then H.O.R.S.E.?”
Zhou Mi grinned at him and made an easy two point basket.
“Cheater,” he accused.
“I need that advantage,” Zhou Mi argued, and they started on that competitive edge.
There was the squeak of their shoes on the floorboards, the sound of pants and the thud of the ball. The ring of it against the hoop, the net swishing as a ball dropped through. He taunted Zhou Mi as Zhou Mi charged him, and sometimes that worked to his advantage, distracting him. Sometimes it just made Zhou Mi determined. He watched the long arms tip the ball up through the hoop and do a very ungentlemanly boogie.
“I thought you said you weren’t any good,” he panted, trying not to see the way the shorts clung to Zhou Mi’s ass as he retrieved the ball.
“I’m not very good. You make me want to play better.”
Ah, the taunting. But the truth of it was, Kyuhyun was only a couple of baskets ahead. He grinned, flicking a droplet of sweat from the end of Zhou Mi’s nose. And he almost made off with the ball, too, if Zhou Mi hadn’t been wise to him, grabbing him around the waist as the ball bounced a few times and rolled harmlessly away.
“I needed that ball,” he said, giving Zhou Mi a rather pointed look. “That was a foul.”
“Oh really?”
They both probably collectively stank like the inside of a gym bag, but Zhou Mi’s color was high. It made him think of something else entirely.
He could feel the way the cloth clung to Zhou Mi’s skin as he touched his side, and wasn’t particularly sure who leaned into the kiss first. All he knew that was one second he’d caught his breath, and the next second he was losing it again. The slide of his hand on Zhou Mi’s neck, the purr as they kissed. Generous Zhou Mi. Generous mouth, generous hands. He’d lost count of the times he’d told himself no, all the excuses. Testing himself to see how far he could go without reaching to take. But it was here, now, real. He began to wonder if they’d even be able to make it to the shower room. Zhou Mi’s hand sliding through his hair had him moaning, and he gripped the slender hips tighter. A little release in the showers was hurting no one, if they both wanted it.
He felt like his spine had been slammed in it, as the door to the court shut loudly, echoing. He tore his mouth from Zhou Mi’s, twisting to see who the intruder was.
And of course, it was Eeteuk. He sighed in frustration, feeling Zhou Mi puffing light against his ear.
“Looks like you two are getting a workout,” Eeteuk said, smirking far more than he thought was necessary.
“Yes, and it would’ve been nice if you let us finish,” he shot back.
“Sorry. Business that can’t wait.” And then the man stared at Zhou Mi as though that would make him disappear.
For some reason that torqued him, knowing Eeteuk wanted Zhou Mi gone not only for business but to pick at him about what Eeteuk had just seen. And if he was wrong, he’d eat his towel.
“I’ll see you back inside,” Zhou Mi told him, and tossed him one of the towels they had brought. He watched as Zhou Mi jogged to the door, and knew the next few minutes would include him stripping, and wet under the warm water. And he was stuck with a man who put even his smugness to shame.
“You wanted to talk, so talk,” he said, scrubbing at his hair with the towel, and picking up his water bottle.
“Who were you trying to prove to that you were dating this time? The net? The floor?”
“You put him in front of my fucking face,” Kyuhyun barked at the clear amusement in Eeteuk’s voice. “You knew… You knew this could happen.”
“That you’d want him? Is that such a bad thing?”
“It is when he works for me. You think he’d like it if I walked up to him and said, hey, you like that money I’m paying you? How about you do a little something for me to keep getting that.”
Eeteuk looked unamused to say the least.
“If he wants you too, then I think he knows you have more scruples than that. I don’t even like to hear you joke like that.”
“I was kind of pissed you interrupted us, but it was probably a good thing. I knew better, and I let you talk me into this.”
“How many years have I known you?”
“Three or four? I don’t know?” Too many, it felt like sometimes. When he was disgruntled anyway. He just couldn’t deal with Eeteuk’s face when he didn’t even have it all figured out for himself yet. That kiss shouldn’t have happened. Eeteuk was right. There wasn’t anyone there to prove anything to. And he hadn’t shown Zhou Mi anything but what an idiot he was.
“You look more rested now than you have in any of those years. Hell, Kyuhyun, you actually look happy sometimes.”
“So you’re saying some good sweaty sex would do wonders for my disposition? How much easier this all must make your job.”
“Kyuhyun.”
“Yeah, yeah. I know you worry, mother hen. I had no idea I was hiring a nanny, too. I know you came here to talk about more than my sex life.”
Eeteuk handed him a pen, dimple peeking. “Just for your signature.”
***
Zhou Mi looked up from his side of the bed, smiling at him like nothing had happened. Great. Except for the part where he could still feel the give of Zhou Mi’s skin under his clothes if he thought about it hard enough. That was really when he realized that some of what Zhou Mi showed him was a front. A pretty storefront of a man who didn’t care at all, who couldn’t want Kyuhyun at all, who wasn’t bothered. A marathon-shopping, bug-fearing, closet-loving fake.
Zhou Mi yelped like he’d been shot as the pillow ricocheted off his shoulder. How many times had he seen the real Zhou Mi? In the gym, that had been undoubtable. But in front of people, all that smoothness? How much of that was real.
“Kyuhyun!” Zhou Mi protested as he brought the pillow down again.
“Fight back!”
He had some sexual frustration to let out.
His next blow was cushioned by Zhou Mi’s pillow, desperately held as a shield. And he half expected it to stay that way, as some kind of defense, until another pillow slammed into his stomach. He panted, frozen in battle position, searching Zhou Mi’s wary eyes.
“War!”
So he had expensive sculptures and stuff. They were careful. Mostly. Even as the battle got taken to the floor, and he half smothered Zhou Mi in an attempt to get away. Knees slamming together and elbows flying. If there’d been feathers in the pillows, they’d have been covered in those too. Somehow he got flipped onto his back, held there like he was some kind of animal in a trap as Zhou Mi beat at him, not hard but steady, just waiting for him to give.
“Truce,” he panted, and watched as Zhou Mi collapsed onto his back, hugging the pillow to his chest.
“What was that about?” Zhou Mi asked, wary.
“Didn’t get to finish my workout, since Eeteuk interrupted,” Kyuhyun said, propping his head up on his hand.
He let the words hang out there. Interrupted, yes. Not his workout in particular. He was testing a little, he realized. To see if what Zhou Mi showed him, when it was just them, was real. But he didn’t think anyone could fake confusion like that.
“What do you want?” Zhou Mi asked.
Too many things. Way too many things. Apparently he thought he was okay without them, until he had a man in his face taunting him with everything he was missing.
“Fuck,” he cursed emphatically.
Zhou Mi was silent a moment. “Okay?”
And then he thought about what that sounded like, turning with a laugh. “No, I don’t mean like that. Well, not exactly like that. This couldn’t have just been simple, could it?”
“Well, we could have hoped.”
“I have money. I can buy you bad breath or something.”
“Really?”
“That or you could sue me. It’s a bad idea no matter what way you look at it.”
***
“Sue you?” Oh, Zhou Mi laughed at that. He’d come into the job as some kind of glorified personal assistant/babysitter/pretend boyfriend. Knowing his boss was hot. Not knowing that he’d have to be locking lips with him, living with him, seeing his body, getting to know more than he every realized about him. Sure he was a professional, but he was also a man. And when his hands and his mouth were all over a guy he really did want, that didn’t become the footnote, it was the headline. But to sue him for some making out that had been mutually wanted? He didn’t think so. If Eeteuk hadn’t interrupted them, there had been no reason to stop. Just touching more of that sweaty skin, teasing out one more moan. The floor of a basketball court was kind of an improbable place for them to start stripping, and just to think that he’d have been in those shorts in some way if they’d just had a little more time... He let out a slow breath, because he’d dealt with himself on that front already.
But Kyuhyun’s eyes were dark, close. Every secret in there that he wanted to figure out, dismantle, absorb. Pushing that shirt from Kyuhyun’s shoulders, and-
"Tell me honestly. Do you want me?" Kyuhyun asked, voice deceptively quiet.
It was too close, too real. It was supposed to be pretend.
"That's not part of my job description," Zhou Mi said on a note of panic, struggling to try to get to his feet. He didn't get far as Kyuhyun's hand was vising on his arm.
"I didn't- I'm not asking as your boss.."
Just an act, he'd told himself. Just part of the job, just playing along, nothing real. But Kyuhyun's grip, his eyes, those weren't acting. That was a man who needed to know where he stood, and very badly at that. Kyuhyun who pushed women away by the dozens, who didn't let himself date even one person who could matter, make him care, take his time. No one who could take him from the job he did for his father. And he wanted to know if Zhou Mi, who was nothing but an employee pretending to date him, wanted him?
"Would telling you be cheating?" he asked softly.
But he didn't wait for the question to sink into Kyuhyun's head, thinking he was mocking him perhaps, or worse. No, he wasn't mocking Kyuhyun's feelings. And they'd come to know each other well enough that it wasn't just about caring about another human being. Maybe he wouldn't quite call them friends, but they were a heck of a lot more than what they'd started as.
Kyuhyun's breath puffed against his face as they kissed. Moist lips clinging to his as their mouths brushed, and again. Again.
And when Zhou Mi held him back by the shoulders, Kyuhyun's face was quiet. No mockery, no smirking. No outward signs of happiness, either. Only more of a question.
"Then who's cheating now?" Kyuhyun asked him.
***