I have returned home to $40 in my bank account, a pile of bills, one beautiful lady, two wonderful roomies, three cats and full force winter. I am resisting the urge to stay in bed for long hours, and I am proud of myself for keeping true to my intentions. I am starting slowly, only dipping a toe in the lapping water, remembering the feeling of ( Read more... )

Uncertainty and grief have settled into my chest cavity like a cold. I am trying to coax out the dark heaviness with tea, positive self-talk and space to think and process. I can feel it loosening only to grab hold again stubbornly, latching on to my insecurities and learned notions of codependent "love ( Read more... )

The holiday season has begun and I can't wait to leave the 7 x 7 shopping mall that is San Francisco. Ok, the whole city is not a mall and I love it here, but as I took the bus from the condo to downtown to catch the BART, the distinct feeling of relief washed over me that I will be leaving in a few days. My sister and I went out last night and I ( Read more... )

Today I witnessed a pigeon poop on a little boy's head. He started crying. I saw the whole situation as a metaphor for how I was feeling. The End.

I few years ago, I had the unfortunate experience of having an ovarian cyst rupture. I was having sex with my boyfriend around 2am and all of a sudden I was in excruciating pain. I got off of him (he he) and spent the next 10 minutes in the fetal position on my bathroom floor. I had no idea what was going on, the b-friend drove my '72 Plymouth to ( Read more... )

Yesterday I was tired. The kind of tired where I am up and walking about and doing things but my body still feels heavy in that comfortable sleeping-under-heavy-soft-blankets way. Working on a computer for six hours trying to research pro-Palestinian professors for a direct mailing about a new book didn't do anything to help my sluggish energy ( Read more... )

My head is still spinning from the Burroughs-esque carnival that was last night. It started out well, I woke up late as usual and went to the store to buy food for dinner. D came over and we ate good food and talked a lot, so nice having someone around after I've had so much alone time. After dinner we headed to the dark upstairs back room of the ( Read more... )

I have been thinking a lot (as usual) and having fulfilling and enlightening conversations, but I have had too much caffeine to focus on a damn thing. I wish I could say I have been drinking bottomless cups of coffee in order to fuel endless philosophizing and creative output, but really I don't drink coffee and I just had some tea and I usually ( Read more... )

Experiencing life as art. I can sit in my sparse room for hours admiring the aesthetic beauty of a small pile of my folded clothes on the wooden floor, new gray boots against a stark wall with a seemingly-ancient painted iron vent, a single chair in the airy living room with a view, the humorous absurdity of the garish and thick red curtains in a ( Read more... )

First day at AK Press and I spent the whole time reworking "Vision on Fire" Emma Goldman's writings on the Spanish Revolution which will be re-released in a few months. So, the version that gets published, I will have put together. I have been reading at a computer all day and my neck is hurting (injury from recent bike accident), I am hungry and ( Read more... )