i tried to put a book on a shelf. my height. about four feet off the ground. i slide a collapsed stack of books, and they landslide on the desk and knock an empty mug of coffee over. now instead of "putting" it's become "rearranging". like a quick puzzle of blocks, i take some and put it on the other shelf for space, in turn, knocking things over, ( Read more... )

i wish they combined the voting machines with made to order sandwich screens. so when you're finished voting, you could receive a roast beef sandwich with a pretzel bun (or for the vegetarians, a cabbage bun)

a music video starring an outtake in which a cat named bodagio jumps in front of the camera.

today i had an idea for one of those little gum things filled with juice, but instead of juice it would be a mouth's version of hand sanitizer. digestible of course, because there's no use for a clean mouth when you're dying of poison, everybody knows that ( Read more... )

here's the final version of the music video that i made.

A good costume would be to wear a diaper over your face, cut out eyeholes, and then have brown stuff coming down from the diaper down your neck. I have a thing for things that are alarming, but terribly simple and easy to get around in (last year I was whirlpool face. I knocked out three people with the dishwasher I wore over my head). As ( Read more... )

having something or someone between your arms while you're typing on the keyboard is a very affectionate gesture. right now there's a coffee mug in my protective-yet-trying-to-do-something-else embrace, and i'm thinking that the warm caffeine in my body is the only thing making me type about this. another mode of affection, which involves being an ( Read more... )

there was a study basically about kneejerkism that they scientifically explored in which someone's opinions about an issue or person are already decided on and executed before their brain can even actually think about it. it would be nice to identify those people so i could avoid them and find humans to talk with instead of automated services. ( Read more... )

i was just thinking that i probably would have done a lot better in school if they offered coffee in the classroom ( Read more... )

i used to seriously bring up topics about poo in conversations, thinking it was funny because i supposedly wasn't the type of person who'd talk about poo. but i kept doing it enough that i pretty much became the type who would talk about it. i should stop being a poo talker ( Read more... )