I’ve had an extremely nervous morning. Trying to avoid arrhythmia with deep breathing, cooling air, pacing, and nervous eating ( Read more... )

I am not well. I have talked about my problems before. I have major heart issues that back to 2011. Open heart surgery and aortic aneurysm. Congestive heart failure. A pacemaker defibrillator that has gone off four times since I had put in in 2021. I have constant feeling that my heart is heavy, that’s the only way I can describe it. I feel my ( Read more... )

I’ve been having some health issues. I think it may be what they referred to as mini stroke or T.I.A. I’m seeing the doctor this Friday. But I must admit this time I am a little worried. I had an attack similar to this on December 29 and ended up in the hospital for three days. They had ruled out vertigo, and they weren’t able to run the tests for ( Read more... )

I was going to write something prolific, but my meds kicked in. I’m stoned. My version of “mother’s little helper”.

The day is peaceful, truly beautiful. I’m almost content with life. Almost. Not quite. I’m sitting on my porch in the late afternoon, with a slight cool breeze.

Still can’t remember what prolific thing I was going to share. Oh well.

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I’ve began writing again. I’m doing a series of articles on the tarot and metaphysical topics.

I get up, shower and eat, and am exhausted. Daily life is exhausting. I’m just tired. Yet I have so much to do. I have people I love and care about and I want to be able to do more to help them. I’m not afraid of dying I’m afraid of leaving them.

I had a very vivid dream last night about an alien invasion. It was better than any Spielberg or Lucas film. Very detailed. If it were to happen it probably will be just like my dream.

I got a text today telling my my Aunt Olga passed. She was 94. It’s not like a surprise when an older person dies. I mean, look at the Queen. She was 96. Sure it’s sad, but not like a child or someone in their 40s dying. I mean, yes I’m upset, but life goes on. Even if it’s not a good thing, life goes on until you move on to the next part of soul ( Read more... )

Lately things, life, has been hard to cope with. By that I mean the world in general has gone to crap. I am in a form of depression so deep, and yet it is cozy an safe here. People just aren’t worth my time or effort to socialize with, nor do I enjoy socializing.

I can’t exactly pin down when I started to feel this way. I know on some level I’ve ( Read more... )