I am terrified. I keep trying to pull myself up but there's nothing to hold on to. And I'm still seeing my worst fears come true right. In the near future I basicaly won't ahve a home of my own, despite my efforts I can't seem to get a job, and I a alone still and always. It feels like it's all spiraling back out of control and I want to stop ( Read more... )

crap ( Read more... )

Josh is very confused
Josh is pretty lost
Josh is very lonely
Josh is very talking in the third person?
I'm pretty wierd
Glad to not be perma-fried
But still just as wierd
Enjoying hearing stories of the fun I had that I don't remember
Hoping I didn't embarass myself in any ways i wouldn't normaly do anyways
Need to stop failing at life

Why the fuck can't i just play? Is that really too much to ask. It's all i do, it's all i can even come close to having, and even then it's always slipping out of my reach. It's all i can love. Why can't I even have this? just this? Is it greedy of me to want to play? To be a part of music, to be CONSUMED by, to BECOME music. is it too much ( Read more... )

Why don't you have the job ( Read more... )

Yep, at home...alone...again...on a Friday night...forgotten...again. so ummm...why am I just a burden on everyone I know? Because it's getting kind of tiresome. Been having wierd dreams about people I know, and I keep dying in them...it's getting kinda wierd.

Anywho...I hate this crap.

The other night I had one of the wierdest expiriences in my life. I was walkin home for Skylars and on the way this homeless guy asked me if I knew of any homeless shelters close by. I'm pretty sure there arent any in Sebastopol and I said so, and then he asked me where all the parks in the area were, so i told him which were where and he went on ( Read more... )

OK, I know I said I wasn't gonna do this anymore, but the Velvet Underground + me being drunk makes philosophy chage pretty easily. I Saw a lot of people I missed tonight and instead Of making me Happy it just made me depressed. LOL. It just feels pathetic.

Well I had a great Birthday thanks to all of my friends. Better than the last couple of years where nobody knew and my birthday just came and went like every other day. Anyways, Saturday was great. I had sushi and watched a moderatly good jazz guitarist named John Scofield. He played some generic stuff but had some very interesting sounds on ( Read more... )

Well last night and most of today I got to hang out with Jaime, Brilla, and Sean, which really made my week worth sitting through. We had a lot of fun and they just generally cheered me up. THose three are truely great friends. I wish I could of gone with them to see people in Santa Cruz, but I was a dingwat and made plans to see Lauren, who ( Read more... )