The place to which I still sometimes write my secret heart. Continuing to breath, full deep breaths, my objective is to stay open. I'd like to feel happy, to feel okay and at peace with this, but just staying open is enough, is a realistic goal. To be seething with anger but staying open, not closing down to life, not closing down to the people who ( Read more... )

sometimes, I just want to be alone and play sad songs on my ukulele and sing them and cry in the middle of them, but I don't know where to go that I can do so without being heard, where I can really be alone, 'cause I need to read the chords and lyrics off of my computer. My heart is aching with tangible pain with being thwarted from releasing this ( Read more... )

http://garytaubes.com/2012/03/science-pseudoscience-nutritional-epidemiology-and-meat/

Click to view

Click to view

I feel self satisfied

my mayonnaise is broken
my mayonnaise is broken

sometimes, grace is when you are going to look up that clip from Rushmore where Margot is talking to her husband, telling him she doesn't know if she'll come back home, and he says "well I just wanna die" and starts to pick up a cookie to eat and then puts it down, and you start to type in "I just wanna die" into youtube, and the list of popular ( Read more... )

full moon sauna > staying home and feeling anxious and despondent about how much fucking shit you have on your list of "urgent life changing items", crying

can't win 'em all

but today I did decide that I am going to win the lottery

There is a particular kind of pain that comes with being accused of cruelty, in the case of training dogs for whom you are their last stop before euthanasia.

I write this with the dog in question gazing at me, I say "You're a good dog" and she wags her stump tail furiously, rolls over on her back for pets, and when they are not forthcoming, rolls ( Read more... )

Your new girlfriend also has a Sikh name and is also living over 2,000 miles away from our shared hometown. There is a particular satisfaction in this superficial similarity, I'd like to believe that it means that I was almost good enough. I am completely happy and fulfilled in my relationship, and I don't think we'd make a good couple, but I still ( Read more... )

The absurdity of looking for comfort in my dark night of the soul from the most fearful dog I have ever met. Sitting on the ground, hugging her and sobbing, after a minute I can feel her good natured willingness to follow my request to come near me fade, and her body leans away from me, and I let her go and she trots away to the other side of the ( Read more... )

I dreamt that my boyfriend got married to someone else and invited me to his wedding, I didn't feel hurt or upset, but frustrated and angry: what the fuck? Why would you start dating me if you were engaged to someone? What was the point of that? ...  Why do we have dreams like these, why do the feelings stick around in our bodies until we talk to ( Read more... )