in four weeks i will be back in berlin. it's crazy to read the last few entries in here. despite the fact that i have never been good at keeping a journal, i still manage to post in here every once in a while and even that much of a perspective backwards is interesting and somewhat comforting. i remember vividly my feelings in july and also october ( Read more... )

i feel stuck. stuck in southern new jersey. stuck in my destructive tendencies. stuck in my life. i feel like i'm getting less intelligent rather than learning more. like i'm regressing. as if everything in my life were one big sand pit, and as i try to dig myself out, it all caves back in, endlessly ( Read more... )

it has been ages since i posted anything here, and i'm in the middle of a strange time where part of me wants to reach out to all my friends and part of me wants to go off the grid and disappear. i fear that i have these self-destructive gypsy tendencies where i systematically burn all of my bridges before moving somewhere else and starting new. ( Read more... )

it is friday night at 9:40 pm, today was the last day of classes, there are about 35 different performances, plays, and parties that i am missing right now because i am sitting in the library at my thesis carrel editing my thesis. it is making me want to die. people are inundating me with articles about the drawbacks of higher education, getting ( Read more... )

last night i had old friends from freshman year over for local vermont cheese and baguette and grapes and wine. it ended at the bar which i loathe and where i refuse to ever go again. its just crowded and gross and i constantly get cheap beer spilled on me. the dance floor is small, the music is shitty, and i dislike the majority of people who ( Read more... )

ever since i've gotten back from berlin i can't help but compare what i am doing at any point in time to where i was and what i was doing and planning a year ago, across the ocean. i'm contemplating deleting this liverjournal along with myspace when i graduate from college and not looking back. i've kept a written journal much more diligently and ( Read more... )

oh yes ... this is what we're doing on the last day of 2008

( so this is the new year, and i don't feel any different )

coming home in twelve days. it is currently hot and muggy, and the sun has disappeared behind clouds, thereby ruining my plans to come home cute and tan. i am swimming in naturalist/expressionist literature and i feel like i could totally wing this exam and still pass, yet i know im going to study my ass off for the next week ( Read more... )

two more weeks in berlin. today my goal is to write six pages of this paper, thereby finishing my second one in TWO DAYS. possible? yah, we'll see how it works out. i predict that once i hit about 4 i will start to mentally crash. i really want to power through. if i finish it today, everything else will seem so much more feasible ( Read more... )

for those of you whole still happen to read my shit: i know you've had sleepless nights worrying about me ... well no stress, kittens. yesterday in all its amazingness: woke up early, short sort of skimming review of my exam. i took the exam from 10-12, wrote for all 2 hours (my hand hurt so bad after) and i really think i did well ... i dont ( Read more... )