I don't think I've ever felt this way before.

Twenty years and all I've managed to do was fuck everything up. I'm a huge waste of space.

• I know i'm stressed when my acid reflux is bothering me everynight.
• I decided my life is a bad joke, or someones completely fucked up dream
• I need Dick's Sporting Goods more than it needs me.
• That gay fireflies song got me to cry friday morning
• I hold on to too  many things

More than anything, I wish I was really pretty and had a nice body :-( i feel like a chubster with an ugly face. I think i'm just having a bad day, but I always feel like i'm going to be alone forever. This sucks..

March 1st 2010. This feels way to real now. I can do it though. I know I can! I can do anything!

I joined cuz I thought it would make me into some better person. Someone that everyone, including myself could be proud of, a strong individual, a role model. But honestly I'm a little scared now. What if I go to basic and become someone else. Basic Training is just a game, a game to see how well you follow directions, and how well you work as a ( Read more... )

Since I came back I have slept more than I have slept all summer. Now this isn't a lot, but definitely more than before. It's pretty nice too because  I was up from thursday 8:30 a.m to saturday 1:45 a.m. I was sick of being on a road trip so I drove straight through to connecticut, then once home I was excited by the fact of being home I could not ( Read more... )

I really don't know who I am sometimes, or what I'm becoming. One minute I feel like i've got everything down and settled and I know what's going on. Then the next, I'm somebody else, who has no clue what's going on or what they are doing with themselves. My self esteem blows and I'm lost. I had a really good conversation with my dad two weeks ago ( Read more... )

sometimes i think i'm the only person who could ruin something in just five days....great :( i was really freakin happy too

So I've come to the conclusion that after I get dumped, the person quickly realizes they are happier without me. Go figure. I'm going to be alone forever because I am fat, ugly, and have nothing at all to offer. Go figure.