I think that breaking free from addictions is one of the hardest things to go through. Pastor Mark preached a couple weeks ago about idols and how things such as sex, drugs, alcohol, pride, etc can be our idols. It really made me think and realize that I have many idols that I put before God that I need to break free from. Sex, alcohol, selfishness ( Read more... )

This video is my life. I started out my life trusting God and having faith like a child. Throughout the years I stumble, I fall, I can't get back up, and it seems like everything is keeping me from the God I love. I was always reaching out trying to grab him, but I couldn't because so much was in the way. But being the strong, awesome God he is ( Read more... )

Life is a crazy ride. Especially for me this last year. I told myself this year (2010) was a fresh start for me. A chance to start over and become the person I know I can be, and do the things I want to do. I have tried so hard to be the person everyone wants me to be my entire life and it left me so unhappy. The last few years, (this last one ( Read more... )

Comparasons are easily done ( Read more... )

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I've never been so miserable in my life. I don't belong here. I belong in Germany, with my love. The man who waited for me forever. Why did I fuck things up so bad, why did he fuck things up so bad?!?! Why couldn't we just be honest with each other so that things didn't get out of control. Will we ever be together again?! Can two people who loved ( Read more... )

This morning I woke up at 4 am, left for work at 5, and felt the urge to push the christian music station and listen to it. I had barely heard any words of the song when I suddenly felt like a million pounds lifted off of my body. All of a sudden I knew in my heart I had somehow, in some crazy way forgiven Chris for everything he had done to me. To ( Read more... )

Will I ever feel normal again?! The person I was 6 months ago is like a distant memory. An old book that was finished and put on the shelf to collect dust and never be opened again. I'm so closed off from everyone and I have no desire to care anymore. I don't know if it's that none of my so called friends even act like they care what I'm going ( Read more... )

It's been over a year since I wrote in this online journal, and the only reason I am visiting it again is because I have a lack of people to talk to nowadays. Well, technically that is not true, but I just don't trust enough people to let them see the emotional side of me. You know, the one that isn't strong and happy all the time. If only people ( Read more... )

I've been single now for a month. On the surface that doesn't seem like that long at all, I know. The thing is though, my entire life I have jumped through relationship after relationship. Since I was 15, I can't remember a period of time longer then a couple months, if that, where I was truly single. It's been a constant mess of emotional ( Read more... )