Confessions.

[cynosur]

I think I am a really good writer. I don't think much of myself in any other areas of my life, but my creativity is bursting at the seams sometimes.

Sometimes I lay awake at night dreaming of writing a book that people will actually read, or doing a painting that people will pay money to stare at, or do something useful and creative. I often

Comments

[smellymo]

That's kind of strange. My (amazing) doctor once suggested that the reason for me feeling down was S.A.D. I told her I didn't think so, because I liked winter? She said, maybe so, but there is still less sunlight and cold and it still could affect me even though I didn't think it would.

That definitely wasn't it because it was an isolated thing that just happened to be during winter, but still.

Opposite?

But please try to do something creative! It's so rewarding! I would love to see.

[nineteensixteen]

Did I write this journal? All of these things are me.

I cannot wait for spring. I saw a scene of early springtime flowers blooming somewhere in Germany on t.v. last night and almost cried. I will kiss the ground when the grass is green again.

[casvsbelli]

I find it cozy and comforting to be surrounded by snow and darkness for a few months. I think I'm thisclose to hibernating sometimes, it's just so peaceful. I don't even feel social in the winter. But I'm still pretty happy I guess. All the same I am looking forward to Summer. It should get better in April.

I do hear you about creativity though. I have been sitting on writing something for awhile but it's like there's a stopper and I haven't been able to dislodge it and let the juice or goop or whatever creativity looks like out.

[cynosur]

It's really bizarre. I always want to force myself into making plans and trying to be social, but when it comes time...I would just rather lay on the couch with my cat and watch Office re-runs until my eyelids are too heavy to hold open. I love that I can do this. But at the same time I feel like it's wrong of me, and I have an unbridled guilt for not paying any attention to my friends.

I would never do this in the spring, summer, or even fall.

[casvsbelli]

Huh, maybe I am broken then. Because although in all other seasons I am quite social, that's exactly what I want to do in winter as well. And Jay's the same way. I feel like it gives me a chance to recharge though, and get my alone time. I do find I need a lot of alone time.