Two updates in one day definately is not healthy. Especially when I get put into a Killer mood. I don't know if im going back to the coffee shop on tuesdays anymore. Maybe I will think a little more fluidly when I calm down, but when my blood starts rushing with anger I can't stop it so easily. I can't even have an escaping night to the coffee ( Read more... )

Things have been just getting weirder and weirder lately. I don't know why either, I have been trying to get a decent amount of sleep which I do get but almost every other night this week like clockwork steph shows up in my dream. Usually its just something minor but 2 days ago I remember seeing a decently large sized Lj post by her, I remember ( Read more... )

Wow, all I have to say is wow. Today started off really weird, I saw steph today working and I really had no inclination to talk to her or even look at her. Really weird compared to last week and what not, I think my mind just stopped caring. I guess I hit the wall of extreme emotional resistance, or something like that. I really don't even want to ( Read more... )

Well, for the next week and a half Im book completely solid with work. I have so much to do its not even conieveable right now. I can't even believe all of it. I am seriously thinking its some sort of an evil conspiracy to drive me over the edge again, but this time with to much homework. I want to believe it just all my teachers just being evil. I ( Read more... )

Well it took me walking to the edge of hell, and having a great of a weekend with Bart & company to realize that Im going to be ok one day. Maybe not today, maybe not tommarrow, maybe not even a week or a month from now, but I will eventually be ok. In other news I had a hell of a weekend, lots of fun with a lot of people that just made me very ( Read more... )

I can't, I couldn't even take the first sip or the first pill, oh well, back to sqauare 2

Im sorry everyone I really am. I can't go on anymore, its just to much, im so sorry.I can't even believe im typing this I can't. But the pain is to much and seriosuly im going to meet whoever the hell created me. I can't take living this way anymore, I just can't go on anymore. I cant its hurts to much, I don't want to live in this world anymore. I ( Read more... )

Ok im chalking up today my entry earlier to my freshmen inexperience, life inexperience, stupidity, and downright outwardly optomistic in the morning / pessimeistic at night personality disorder which I have not come up with a name for yet, acctually im not ever sure if there is a name for that sort of thing, oh well I'll just make one up. I don't ( Read more... )

Im trying the whole friends thing, becuase its better to have love and lost than to have never loved at all. Besides that I don't want the rest of this semester to be a big gloomy mess, so fuck it. Im making the choice to be happy as friends no matter what it takes, I mean hell. No one knows what the future holds so I guess im walking in expecting ( Read more... )

Well, im back at square 2 again, I nearly got to square 3 but last night burnt that Idea right out. I talked to steph last night, and we both have the same problem we had before. We just have this big problem block where I still love her, and can't get over her. But all she wants is to be friends, she doesn't want a relationship, she doesn't want ( Read more... )