If your self-described fabulous oral-sexin' skills are contingent on my making like the moon and taking to wax then, honey, your cunnilinguistics ain't that fabulous.

From the It's-a-goddamned-fact-because-I-say-so Files.

Bloody heckling heck.I KNEW I disliked Tim Eyman, but car tabs and flat taxes are one thing and codified homophobia is another ( Read more... )

I seem to be incredibly impatient with everything and everybody outside of work. I can't read or nothin', or even grammar right. That's right. I can't grammar right. Bite me ( Read more... )

Mocha Balena Bianca (the White Whale Mocha)It'll probably just be a white chocolate mocha with a skosh of cinnamon extract. It sounds vile but I know it'll sell ( Read more... )

Apparently my arch-nemesis, the Two-Tailed Allmother Siren, has launched a new caffeinated sugarbomb on its mewling public. They call it a cinnamon dolce latte and my customers tell me that it tastes like burnt sugar, cinnamon, and bad espresso ( Read more... )

Fine. Don't buy anything. See if I care. I'm going to make a list of albums I purchased because I insisted that, based on the fact that I already owned albums by either that particular artist or artists similar to or influenced by that particular artist, I'd like them but, really, I got them because I wanted to hear that particular artist's ( Read more... )

Q: What do vegan zombies eat?

A: Guh-RAAAAAAAINSSSSS.

Oh, shut up. It's funny. It's seven in the fucking am and it's funny. Now get down here and buy a goddamned caffeinated beverage before I start writing inappropriate things on the specials board.

Joining up with the Rat City Rollergirls is probably the leakiest of my many pipe dreams, but I've decided that, whether that happens or not, my damned derby name's gonna be Lani Crash.

People keep telling me that bad things -- and good things -- happen in threes ( Read more... )

It takes about an hour to get from the University District in Seattle to Lynnwood by bus and about an hour and a half if you jump on the wrong bus in Mukilteo, which I did ( Read more... )