It's snowing, goddammit, and they tell me that it gets worse the more far north you go.

Guess who lives up north?

Who wants to fly me home?

When it's relatively quiet here, there's a special drink I like to prepare for myself at the bar. I pour just a splash of half-and-half into a small pitcher, add some whole milk, and leave ample room for some of that lovely froth. I add two packets of raw sugar and the tiniest bit of vanilla syrup to the milk, stick the wand into the mixture, and ( Read more... )

Dammit. See, I'm cussing from the get-go and that isn't a good thing ( Read more... )

My hair is growing out very strangely. Oh no, not because of the way it's cut or styled. My last haircut was probably the best haircut I'd had in a long time. It was executed by a young man with a goddamned fauxhawk, so I was pleasantly surprised. It was also the most disturbingly sensual haircut I'd ever had -- and I mean EVER -- but that ( Read more... )

Hell. If my family wasn't sprawled across the globe, I'd host a fuck-all feast and that would be my gift to them. I hate shopping in general and I hate it especially when everybody else is doing it at the same time as I am ( Read more... )

SOMEBODY GET DOWN HERE AND ORDER A CUP OF GODDAMNED FANCY COFFEE BEVERAGE.

NOW, PLEASE.

Good Morning, Renton! Good Morning, Extra-Extended Familia ( Read more... )

Wait, did I forget to go to the grocery store again ( Read more... )

Things I cannot and will not eat and/or create this holiday season or ever if I know what's good for me ( Read more... )

It's a clear day. Clear and crisp as sin, and stained too, so we won't be talking about the weather because, yikes, that's all anybody ever talks about up here ( Read more... )