An Unbearable Fact: 6/??

[darkwonderland3]

Title: An Unbearable Fact
Chapters: 6/??
Author:
darkwonderland3
Genre: AU/Romance/ Psychological/Angst
Warnings: Language, sexual scenes, mental diseases, violence, character death, suicide attempts, rape.
Rating: NC17
Pairings/Characters: Uruha/Aoi, Reita/Kai
Synopsis: When you lose the only person who loves you from the deepest of her heart, can you go on living? Do you manage to smile again? Can you fight against those demons who break you?

Previous chapters: Prologue, 1/??, 2/??, 3/??, 4/??, 5/??


The guitar had been left untouched for a long time now. Kouyou was still sitting on the armchair, in the common room, his elbows on his knees and feeling worried to death. If the chestnut-haired man remembered well, it was the second time in his whole life that he'd felt so worried over something and in this particular case, someone.

It has been ten minutes that Yuu had left with his father. Ten minutes of pure anxiety for Kouyou who could do nothing about it. He had seen Yuu being reluctant to follow his father, he had seen his body tense when the man had opened his arms to hug him, he had seen his pleading eyes full of tears, but Kouyou had been incapable of doing a single thing for him. He would have loved to keep him with him, in his arms and far away from these adults. This man didn't inspire Kouyou's confidence. Every inch of his body was telling him to keep Yuu far away from this man, to keep him safe. Or was it only because he wanted the young boy for himself? Kouyou wanted the boy, yes. He wanted to hug him and kiss him. He wanted to protect him so much it was hurting him. And right now he was so scared of Yuu's well-being. Was he alright? Was he crying? Maybe smiling? Kouyou couldn't stand the wait.

After a few more minutes - five or ten he couldn't tell - Kouyou slowly stood up and then headed back to their bedroom. He couldn't help himself but sit on Yuu's bed and take the pillow the raven boy was holding in his arms sometimes. It still has his fragrance, he thought while holding the pillow close to his chest with a faint smile. If someone was walking past the bedroom, the only thing they would be able to see would be a young man sat on a bed slightly rocking himself back and forth with the most anxious and sad expression on his face. But the only one who came in the bedroom at that moment was Akira.

The blond man had been looking for Kouyou the past few minutes. He still wanted to talk to him about his behaviour towards Yuu, on that topic Akira would not back down, not now. Not when he'd realized he'd been so wrong with Kouyou this morning in the bathroom. Not when the words he'd said this morning were dictated by anger, even though they were full of truth. He still had to apology and explain himself.

It's a little hesitant that he made a few step to the other man. “Kouyou, uh, we need to talk.”

“I'm not in the mood Aki. Leave me alone.”

“Please listen to me, it's important I... Hey, are you alright?” Akira asked as he noticed the fear in his friend's eyes and now he was starting to get worried about him. Worried he would have another fit, worried he would see him be in so much pain again.

“I'm so scared,” He had all the rights to be scared, because he didn't personally know the man with whom Yuu was. And the boy was so fragile, so innocent. “I'm so scared he gets hurt, so scared he's not going to come back.”

“What happened? Honestly Kouyou I've never seen you like that. I mean... for someone else.”

“Yuu's with his father,” He was almost whispering as he purposely ignored Akira's last sentence. It was true that the blond-haired man had never seen him dead worried for another person because Kouyou never truly showed what he was feeling in front of some people. But right now he was so anxious that he was feeling nauseous. His clutched hands on the pillow were shaking, his face was livid and his eyes watery. “And he's not back! I don't want him to leave me!”

“Hey, look at me,” Akira said softly while crouching down before the other man. “He is not going to leave you. It's been what, a little more than a week? They can't let him leave that soon, not when he's still so thin.”

“I don't know what I'm going to do if Yuu is leaving... You know I want to be better Aki. And I want to be better for him. Because I'm feeling different with him even though it's hurting me sometimes. I want to be a better person, not a monster. Not again.”

The other man gave him a faint smile as he sat beside him and then Akira gently took him in his arms. He knew it wasn't Kouyou's strong point to show his emotions and make people understand how he was feeling, that he had self-esteem issues because of his past, but right now he knew Kouyou was telling him the truth. Akira felt so stupid compared to this morning as he understood what Kouyou was trying to say through his fears.

“You love that boy, don't you?”

“I don't know, I don't know if it's love or if I care too much about him. I don't know what's happening to me,” Kouyou made a short break, still confused about what he was feeling since Yuu left with his father. “It's going to drive me crazy... But the only thing I know is that I want him with me, right now. Please Aki do something!” His voice sounded as if he was on the verge of crying. He needed Yuu, he needed to know if he was well. He needed to see him. It wasn't usual for him to show so much distress, and that scared him too.

“Calm down he's going to come back soon, and I'm sure you don't want him to see you like that, am I right?”

“Yeah... Sorry...”

“You know, I should be the one to say sorry,” he let out a nervous laugh as he loosened his hold. “About this morning I... I am sorry. I know I shouldn't have react that way, but you have to acknowledge that it isn't a healthy relationship.”

“Akira I've said I'm not in the mood for this.”

It was not the time to back down, Akira had to say what was on his mind. “Hey I'm trying to make an apology here, so you will listen to me! I'm not taking back what I said, but... but I was angry. Maybe even jealous.” He then sighed deeply, suddenly avoiding his friend's gaze.

“Jealous? Why?”

“I don't know. Maybe because I can't be that close with Yutaka? Honestly I don't know.” But Yutaka wasn't Yuu, they hadn't the same fears, the brown-haired teenager hadn't the same reactions when Akira was trying to get a little closer. “But remember we're adults and as adults, even though we're mentally sick, we have to protect them. And not otherwise.”

“I know Aki. And I accept your apologies.” Kouyou said laughing.

Akira was just in love with a teenager and torn between his desire and his reason. He was right, an adult shouldn't have such gestures towards a teenager. But these two men couldn't help it, they'd fallen deep for them and even if Kouyou knew Yuu only for a little more than a week, he knew what he was feeling was too strong to be a fling. Too strong to let someone take the boy away from him. Kouyou wouldn't bear that, and he could already see himself be completely devastated by his departure. Within a few days the teenager had become so important to him that Kouyou didn't even understand what was happening inside of him.

As time was going by, Akira managed to make him laugh with his famous jokes which weren't even that funny. But Kouyou appreciated the gesture and was thankful to him. In fact the chestnut-haired man had always been astounded by how Akira was always trying to cheer everybody up. Even if he was himself sick, he was always making others smile and laugh. Akira was the kind of person who put others' happiness before his own.

And soon someone was there with them, without that any of the two men had even noticed it. He had been so quiet he could have easily lock himself in in the bathroom, but it just took one uncontrolled sob to make the older men turn their head to see what was happening. And the boy was there, a few steps before the door of their bedroom, with red eyes and trembling lips. Yuu was motionless and did all his possible to avoid their gazes, wrapping his arms around his waist as if he was trying to protect himself. Even if he wasn't looking at them, he could feel their eyes on him watching him as if he was a circus freak. It was making him nauseous.

“Yuu, what happened to you?” Akira gently asked as he stood up.

“N-nothing.”

“Liar.” It was only a whisper. Yuu was maybe lying to them, but his body wasn't. His pallor wasn't lying, his shaking limbs weren't lying, his red eyes weren't lying. Something had happened, Yuu just didn't want to talk.

“Alright I think I'll leave you alone. Kouyou, beware of the nurses.”

The two boys were now alone, in an almost religious silence. Yuu didn't dare to move, nor breathe. And now that he was alone with Kouyou his body was shaking more. Right now the raven-haired was so scared he started to cry, his crystal-clear tears leaving marks on his cheeks. What should he do now? Stay motionless? Seek comfort in Kouyou's arms? Run away? Yuu wasn't sure anymore about what he should be doing. Not after what he'd been through after all these years. Not after all his fears and tears. But Kouyou made the choice for him. The man came closer to Yuu, slowly because he didn't want to scare the boy more than he already was, then cupped one of his cheeks making Yuu look at him. In those dark eyes Kouyou could see all the pain he was feeling. How could someone or even something hurt him like that?

“Talk to me. Did something happen when you were with your father?”

“N-no... N-nothing happened...” Yuu replied, closing his eyes.

“I don't really like liars you know? But, I guess you have your own reasons not to tell me.” The man stroked his cheek with his thumb, wiping the tears away and gently smiled at him even though the teenager couldn't see it.

Kouyou then carried this frail boy in his arms a little surprised he wasn't even struggling. With Yuu's thin arms and legs around his neck and waist, he sat down again on the bed and kept the boy on his lap while gently stroking his back and kissing his hair from time to time, in a way to soothe him as he was still crying. Kouyou couldn't bear to see him in that state. He could feel the boy hugging him tightly, digging his nails in his shoulders sometimes, and his tears falling in the crook of his neck. The raven-haired was shaking all over and mumbling incoherent words, I'm sorrys and I'll be goods and more pleases and countless stops. The more Kouyou was listening to his pleas, the more he was understanding what had happened to the boy. If he was right. If it was possible. If he wasn't imagining things. There was a lot of ifs and Kouyou couldn't guess which one was right.

After some long minutes during which Yuu seemed to have calmed down a little, the boy started to twine his fingers in Kouyou's long hair, lost in his dark thoughts, as he still stayed on his lap, resting his head on one of the older man's shoulder.

“I want to see her.” He whispered sniffling softly, then started to endlessly repeat these words. It was more painful for him each time he was saying it. But it has been so long since the last time he went on his mother's grave, he needed to see her and talk to her. Ask her again the same questions even though he knew he would never get the answers.

“I don't think they would let you... I'm sorry Yuu.”

“I've never asked to be put in here,” His voice became more high-pitched as he choked on his tears. “I wanted to stay with her... B-but she died! And left me alone in pain and in fear... I just want to see her again!”

“But I'm here, and I won't leave you alone. Not like that and certainly not here.” Kouyou said with a soft and calm voice, making the boy look into his eyes. “Trust me I won't. I don't know what your mother died from, but I'm sure she wouldn't have wanted to see you so broken.”

“She had me... She should have fight...”

“Don't blame her.”

And then he put his lips near Yuu's mouth.

* * *

It was quiet in the common room at this hour of the day, even though some laughs could be heard. Some patients were talking with each other, others were playing cards and some were just watching what people were doing. Yuu was one of these people. He was sitting on a chair with his chin resting on his knees, and was looking at what the other patients around him were doing. Today he wasn't in the mood to draw, nor to talk. Fragments of what had happened yesterday were still in his mind. His father's coming, his tears in front of Kouyou, the man's words as he was trying to soothe him, the kiss at the corner of his mouth, his caresses in his dark hair as an attempt to calm him down in the middle of the night after Yuu had woken from another nightmare.

Last night, Yuu's screams had alerted the nursing staff to their bedroom and when they'd came in they'd gotten the wrong idea. Yuu was crying and screaming in such a painful way, and beside him Kouyou was trying to calm him down. In the dark the nurses had thought Kouyou was hurting the boy, that's why they'd pushed him aside. He had tried to tell them that no he wasn't hurting him, the boy had just had a nightmare. But they weren't listening to what he was saying and seeing that Yuu wasn't calming down, they had to use a sedative. They'd left right after without a single word.

In his nightmare, Yuu was lying on an operating table, his wrists and ankles tied up to the table. All was darkness around him except above him where a single light was on. The boy was too weak to move, but when he felt a sharp pain in his chest he tried to look at it and when he saw it, his facial expression was just pure horror. His ribcage was open so that his heart which was beating faintly could be seen, blood was flowing out of his body in a large amount and his lungs were moving as he was breathing quickly. The boy was in a state of panic when the light above him turned off and soon after, he could feel two rough hands around his throat. It was when he heard a laughter that he woke up suddenly.

“You're not with Kouyou today?”

Yuu shook his head as the other boy sat in front of him with a book in his hands.

“That's strange. Lately you're always with him, did you two have an argument?”

Again he shook his head. “I don't know where he is.”

“Oh. Well... I'm keeping you company then!”

And Yutaka resumed his reading, sharing from time to time with the other boy his thoughts on the book. The boy never asked Yuu to start or even participate in a conversation, it was alright for him to talk alone. He had noticed that Yuu wasn't feeling well, he only wanted to brighten his mood a little and make up for the time he'd scared him with the bird. Oh of course Yutaka had already apologised to Yuu, but he was still unsure if the boy had really forgiven him. So he stayed with the older boy every time he could - especially when Yuu was alone - and talked to him.

A nurse came by their side after a while as she was looking for Yutaka, and told him that it was time for his group therapy session. Unfortunately for Yuu she encouraged him to go with the other boy stating that he looked like he really needed to talk to someone. So Yuu followed Yutaka unwillingly to another room full of patients seated in front of a nurse. The two boys took a seat then waited for the adult to talk.

“Hello everybody,” the man started with his cheerful voice, looking at each person in front of him. “I can see new faces today, that's great! I want you to introduce yourselves, let's see... You in the back,” he pointed at Yuu. “Would you like to begin?”

“I... What should I say?”

“First your name would be great, then, whatever you want!” He smiled to him while speaking. “What you like or dislike, if you have brothers or sisters, your favourite pets,... it's up to you to chose!”

“I, um, my name's Yuu and... and I'm an only son and... it's really making me anxious to be here. Can... Can I leave?”

“Why?”

“I'm not feeling well...”

“We're here to listen to you Yuu, to your story. You'll be feeling better if you talk to us.”

“I can't...”

“Well, we will try another time."

He then asked a girl who was probably a little older than Yuu to go on. Yuu wasn't at ease on this chair with all these people around him. He wanted to leave, now, but was too scared to move. The boy didn't want to come forward with his personal story, not in front of all these people and mostly not now. He wasn't ready, it was too hard even though he wanted so much to tell it to someone. Someone who would believe him, someone who would reassure him and tell him that it wasn't his fault. That he had done nothing wrong. He was just a kid at that time, what could he have done wrong to deserve what had happened? And that was one of the countless questions Yuu wanted to ask.

At the end of the session, when they were about to leave, the nurse asked Yuu to stay with him because he wanted to talk to him. Yutaka then whispered to the boy that he was going to wait for him in the corridor and that he could just leave if the nurse was getting annoying. A little joke in order to make the raven-haired smile, but as he saw no smile on his lips, Yutaka left them alone.

The man then sat in front of Yuu, smiling again to him. “You know I'm not doing this to hurt you, we're here to help you get better. You can understand this, right?”

“Yes...”

“You're healing process has to involve conversations and I can understand that for a first time, it must be difficult for you. So, what I'm proposing, if you agree, is that you can come talk to me whenever you want. It'll only be between the two of us. And when you'll be more at ease, you could participate with us all.” He made a short break to let Yuu think about his suggestion. “What do you think?”

“I don't know... I've already a psychologist to talk to. And... You will judge me.”

“That's not my job. Alright you can go, but don't forget what I said.”

In the corridor, Yutaka greeted him with a warm smile and hastened to say that the nurse was a good and trustful man. He also added that he was sorry, but he couldn't help himself from hearing their conversation, which made Yuu smile faintly. The raven-haired didn't know what to think about the nurse. Of course he seemed to be nice and trustful, but Yuu couldn't trust him for the moment. So for now, he wouldn't go see him and talk about his personal story with him.

At the same moment, as the two boys were still in the corridor, Yuu saw Kouyou at the other end of the hallway. The young man seemed to be worried, that's why Yuu didn't hesitate one second and walked to him then grabbed his sleeve when he was in front of the older man. Kouyou seeing the boy standing shyly before him, put a hand in his shoulder length hair and brought him closer to him.

“Missed me already?” He asked after kissing his hair, laughing.

The only thing Yuu was able to do after that was to blush. He felt so dumb now to blush so easily. Kouyou had only asked him a question, he had no reason to blush. And in a way, he couldn't remember the last time he'd felt his cheeks burn. It was so so long ago. And now he was hiding his face in Kouyou's sweatshirt, feeling his fingers stroking his hair softly.

“Oh hello Kouyou!” A deep voice Yuu recognized immediately interrupted his thoughts. “Where were you today? I didn't see you at the session.”

“I didn't want to come.”

“Is that so? Your two roommates were there and I guess one of them would've been pleased to have you at the session."

"I've said I didn't want to come." Taking Yuu's hand in his own, he started walking to their bedroom, but the nurse wasn't finished talking with him.

"Um Kouyou?"

"What?"

"You seem to be pretty close to Yuu lately."

"And?" Kouyou asked a bit irritated.

"You know a relationship in here is impossible. It has no future and you know you won't be able to see him again outside. Don't get too involved."

The chestnut-haired man opened his mouth to answer back, but said no words, suddenly realizing that the man was right. Even though Kouyou didn't want to leave the boy's side, he wasn't sure if he was going to see him outside. He wasn't sure if there would be something more between them out there. He wasn't sure if an us would exist. He wasn't sure at all and that was scaring him. And when he looked into Yuu's eyes, all he was able to see was complete misunderstanding. He could easily imagine the questions the boy had in his mind right now and he was glad he didn't voice them. Kouyou gave him a reassuring smile and then without even looking at the nurse and Yutaka, went back to their bedroom, Yuu's hand still clutched in his.

* * *

Warm water was flowing on his pale body as tears were rolling down his cheeks and fell to the shower floor. The boy was trying to be as quiet as possible, knowing that Kouyou was waiting at the other side of the shower door. Under normal circumstances, Yuu would have been able to go alone to the bathroom, but since Takanori's suicide attempt and his own depression, he had to be accompanied by someone. Of course Kouyou had volunteered.

Earlier on that day, the chestnut-haired man had found Yuu in the garden hidden under the weeping willow, crying and scratching deeply every inch of skin he could reach. He had seen the red nail marks on his neck and arms, the distress and pain in Yuu's eyes. Of course Kouyou had tried to make him talk, he'd wanted to know what had happened to him to put him in such a state. The only words he'd been able to get were My father came again. No more, no less. After that, the boy had stood up and went right away to the bathroom. And since that time in the garden, Yuu hadn't said a single word.

Yuu's father came again after two days of respite for the boy. He had thought that last time would've been the unique time he would see him here. But he had been so wrong. And thinking about the possible other times was making him sick.

“Yuu... I can hear you cry,” Kouyou said almost whispering while leaning against another shower door and holding in his hands a towel for Yuu's hair. “Talk to me please. I can't stand to hear you cry and not be able to do something.”

But Yuu never answered. If the boy could scream, he would have screamed so loud his vocal cords would hurt him. All he was feeling inside of him at this precise moment was pain. Pain. Pain. Pain. Again and always pain. Yuu was feeling so broken that he was having dark thoughts once again. Oh yes he would have loved to die right now, in this shower cubicle. He would have loved the pain to stop, but all he could do for the moment was to cry. Cry and listen to Kouyou's concern. Yuu couldn't talk to him, he was feeling too ashamed to do so. And what could he tell him? The truth? That he was devastated and broken? That he couldn't even say a single word because he was too afraid of his reaction, so afraid he would leave him just like his mother did? Yuu didn't want to be abandoned by him.

When his sobs finally ceased the water was already cold. Yuu weakly dried and dressed himself then pushed the door open. Kouyou was still there, waiting for him to go out of the shower cubicle, and it's when he saw him with his wet hair and red swollen eyes that he rushed over him and hugged him tightly in his arms.

“I'm here, don't worry nothing is going to hurt you again,” Kouyou whispered in his ear, slowly stroking the back of his neck as the boy grabbed his sweatshirt. “I'm not going to leave you. You'll stay with me and I'll make things better for you. I promise.”

After his few words the chestnut-haired man dried the tears that still were on the boy's cheeks before kissing his forehead, then put the towel he had in his hands on Yuu's hair. He rubbed them a little, enough so that it won't trickle, without ever looking at something else but Yuu's eyes and smiling to him gently to reassure him.

Back to their bedroom, which was empty, Kouyou made him sit on his bed then started to dry his hair properly this time. Tears returned to Yuu's eyes and Kouyou wondered what was his thoughts right now to make him cry again. He wanted to know so that he could help him, but he knew that if he asked him the teenager wouldn't answer, but only cry more. And Kouyou didn't want that. He wanted to make him laugh and feel better, not cry. He wanted to see happiness on his lovely face, not sorrow.

Kouyou stopped drying his hair after long minutes and as he put the towel aside, he saw that one of the white hair extensions had fallen.

“Oh... I'm sorry Yuu I didn't want to-”

But what Yuu did next wasn't something Kouyou had expected. The boy looked at the extension with - what seemed to be - disgust in his eyes and then started to tear them one by one. Of course Kouyou hurried to stop him by taking him by his wrists, seeing that the only thing the boy was doing was hurting himself and not removing his extensions. Yuu struggled in his arms, he wanted to remove them so badly - for a reason Kouyou didn't understand - that he was willing to do anything so that the older man let go of his wrists. And the only thing he did best was to beg.

“Hey calm down, calm down! I'm not going to hurt you!” Kouyou said, raising slightly his voice. “What's happening to you?”

“Take them off... Let me... please... I'll obey I swear!”

“Yuu, please calm down. You're worrying me,” He waited until the boy's body stops shaking, hoping that no one heard what was happening in the room. “I'm going to remove them if you don't want them anymore. Look at me,” Yuu was frightened, he could clearly see it. “I'm not going to hurt you.”

Kouyou then removed them one by one, slowly as he saw Yuu tense every time his hands were near his face and when he was done with it, he carefully took the boy in his arms. Yuu looked like a scared little child with his irregular breathing and the way he was clinging to Kouyou. The chestnut-haired man whispered reassuring words in his ear while rocking him on his lap and holding his shaking body tightly against him. It was clear to Kouyou that his fears and tears were related to his father, again. Before his first coming, Yuu wasn't that terrified. He wasn't shaking and crying all the time before. He didn't look so devastated and his eyes weren't crying for help. But now, it hurt Kouyou to look at the boy and see in which state he was because of the other man. And Kouyou hated him.

“I'm sorry... I shouldn't have said that... That was a mistake,” Yuu's voice was shaking while he spoke in Kouyou's neck. “Forget it... Please...”

“Don't worry, I'm not mad at you if it's what is scaring you. But, why did you reacted this way with your extensions?”

“Don't want to talk about it...” The boy then rested his head on his shoulder, closing his eyes while a single tear came out from his left eye.

The raven-haired teenager stayed on Kouyou's lap and tried to forget what had just happened. It wasn't Kouyou's fault if he was afraid, the man did nothing wrong to him. What was hurting him was that thing hidden in the dark and which was touching him in his dreams. He could still hear its laughter when he was awake. Feel its hands on his body, its breath in his neck, its lips on his skin,... It was following him whether the boy was asleep or not.

Whereas Kouyou was always by his side protecting him from that thing. He was soothing him after a nightmare, holding him in his arms when he was afraid, kissing his hair in a comforting way, drying his tears. Kouyou was always there when he needed someone to tell him what he wanted to hear. That everything was going to be alright, that no one would leave him again.

“Yuu, can I kiss you?”

The raven-haired nodded without even thinking if it was right or wrong to let him do. Yuu always nodded when he was asked this question, as if he had no choices. As if he was forced to do as he's been told. Like doing things he didn't want to do because he was fearful of repercussions. And even here, even with Kouyou he was afraid to say no. Maybe the thing would come again if he did, and would touch him in ways he didn't want like the other time when they'd spent the night in the bathroom, after Takanori's suicide attempt. But deep inside him Yuu had a feeling Kouyou would never hurt him. No matter what.

Unfortunately - or fortunately - a knock on the opened door interrupted them. It was a woman dressed in all white, with dark long wavy hair and light eyes, and the smile she had on her lips was heartwarming. But none of them had already seen this woman.

“Excuse me boys, but do you know where I can find Yuu?” Her voice was soft, neither too high-pitched nor deep.

“It's me.”

“Oh hello I'm the substitute nurse. My colleague caught the flu so, here I am!” Even his laugh was melodious and she seemed to be so much nicer than the other nurse Yuu had to see last time. “But let's be serious again, I'd ask you to come with me.”

“Why?” This time it was Kouyou who spoke, wary of her.

“I've heard Yuu wasn't feeling well these past days. I just want to make sure that he's alright. I promise it won't be long!” Maybe it was her smile that made Kouyou let the boy go with her, or maybe the way she was acting so nicely.

In the infirmary the woman made Yuu sit on an examination couch and taking a stethoscope, she started to examine the boy. With her he was somewhat at ease. Because she was nicer with him and seemed to really care about his physical health. When she was smiling at him it was a real smile and not a hypocrite one.

“Alright, you have a little fever and your throat is a little swollen. Nothing serious don't worry,” She said still smiling. “I'll give you some medicines and you'll be soon back on your feet! But something is bothering me.”

“W-what?”

“The scars on your back. How did you get them?” Suddenly the expression on her face became more serious, as if she knew. “Some of them seem old, unlike others.”

“I... I had an accident when I was a kid.” Yuu said avoiding her gaze.

“Yuu, if someone is hurting you here or if you did them yourself, you have to tell me.”

“It was an accident...”

“Is it your roommate who did them?”

“No!” The boy immediately replied in a panic. How could she imagine that Kouyou was hurting him? She didn't have to know who did them and in what circumstances it happened. No one should know. It was their little secret after all.

“Ok I'm sorry. I didn't want to judge him if it's what you're thinking. But you have to tell me or another nurse if something is happening,” She then turned her back in order to look for the medicines Yuu needed without realizing that he was glancing at the pair of scissors laid on her desk with eyes full of tears.

Yuu immediately left the infirmary without even saying a goodbye to her when she gave him the pills. The boy was walking fast, avoiding all the other people around him without looking at them, squeezing his sleeve in his hand as he pushed the doors leading to the garden.

Today had been a really bad day for the boy, and he knew that if he didn't do something to stop it, other days like that would come. Other tears would flow, other screams would get stuck in his throat, other nightmares would threaten him. If he didn't do something, the thing hidden in the dark would come again and play with him. If he didn't do something he'd get hurt again. And more importantly to him, he would never be able to see his mother again.

In the garden, hidden under the weeping willow, he could hear the chirping of a bird that hadn't left yet because of the winter that was coming slowly. He could hear some nurses' voice and also footsteps in the distance. The boy could feel the wind freeze him, but at this exact moment Yuu didn't care if he was cold or not. His back against the tree, he took out of his sleeve the pair of scissors he had taken in the infirmary. Yuu looked at it for long minutes while running his right forefinger on its points, feeling its cutting edge on his skin. The boy let his tears running down his cheeks suddenly feeling sorry for his roommates about his own selfishness. But they had to understand that he was doing it for his own safety and not to hurt them. And maybe he would be able to see them all again, in another life and other circumstances. A life in which they wouldn't be mentally ill, a life in which they'd be happy without any fears or tears.

Yuu closed his eyes and took a deep breath, the scissors against his wrist.

~~~~~~
A/N: This chapter is longer than the previous ones and it took me longer to write it than I expected! I wanted to post it 3 days ago but.... It wasn't over ^^" And maybe I will add this here and now, I'll give you their ages since I'm not planning to reveal them in the next chapters: Yuu's 17 (that was said), Takanori's 13, Yutaka's 15, Akira's 22 and Kouyou's 24. Two adults with kids, lots of problem from the point of view of society. (I know adults shouldn't date teenagers, don't throw rocks at me. But I promise, none of the boys will get hurt by these two!)
By the way, the bathroom looks like that, the kind of bathroom you can find in a town pool for example.
I would love to hear what you thought about this chapter :3 And I hope you still love it. This fic means a lot to me and I'm so happy to share it with you!

Next: 7/??