i am failing.

i am sick of people, not anybody in particular or even people i know, just everyone. i want to walk up the street and sit down alone and enjoy the crisp air and leafy state baltimore is in right now. sans talking. sans silence ( Read more... )

i am maybe getting it back together? i really think i may be.

i am ridiculous and now have skipped almost everything in my life once because of my illness. i insist on smoking cigarettes while having a cold and now i'm bronchital. i have a ten page paper on the book of genesis due in twelve hours and i haven't started it yet. i was delirious yesterday and scared my housemate. i remain. remains, remained, ( Read more... )

i met some people last night that make me never want to grow up.

i am tired. i finally got a job. i skipped class today because i didn't do my italian assignment, like i was ten and ashamed because i didn't finish my homework, and so feigned a cold to spend the day catching up. i slept and read some of santo's book. i watched the kids next door and talked to my host family. i will visit them during winter break ( Read more... )

there is something that fails with time. the parts of things. i break myself into the parts to fit into every component. fear is an obsession of my subconcious. uncertainty. fear of fear, why i feel like i need to tell everybody. the outreach is fascinating, that i would never verbally talk about my fears but i want to share them so much that i ( Read more... )

i'm looking at everything i wrote and i want to take it all back.

disillusionment is powerful. is an intense emotional reaction a sign of immaturity? i'm thinking about how full i am not because i am suddenly alone. it isn't being alone, it's the companionship that crept in, slept, and then left. i'm not used to empty space anymore.

there is so much i want to say but i just can't articulate right now