ok for those of you who dont have kids... DON'T HAVE KIDS!!! its hard. not just the taking care of them part, you get used to that, but the medicaid and shots and everything else that this intales. omg, i have just spent 1 1/2 hours trying to get these people on the same page since this whole medicaid pcp thing started. this is so exhausting. ( Read more... )

well, i had an interesting weekend filled with nothing to do. friday was cool, i had company and that was a change. i miss talking to people. i really do, i mean people that i know and that know me. someone older then 3 years old. lol. well sat i did nothing and sunday, well raul and i had a "date night". my mom watched the kids and he and i went ( Read more... )

dont you just sometimes want to scream!!! just for no particular reason. just to do it to make yourself feel better. thats what i want to do. just scream and hit. oooo how i would love that. lately i find myself doing this to dull the pain that i feel inside. last night i took a shower with nothing but hot water. that fucking hurt, but felt good. i ( Read more... )

there are just so many things that are racing through my mind 100miles a min. i dont know what it is maybe i just had way too much coffee and caffine. my body is exhausted, my eyes are stinging, my back is aching,.... damn i feel old. i can't wait for the day to be over. i have to get some sleep. so yesterday i get home from washing and drying the ( Read more... )

well i dont know what to say which if you know me doesn't happen very easily. i met someone. and i dont know what to make of it. he knows the complete truth about me and is still talking to me which is a first. that says something, well to me it does. lol um he lives in alaska. and is really nice and sweet. i dont know i know that this is just a ( Read more... )

i have been very nervous lately. see i want to ask my boss for my raise, but i think it all has to do with timeing also. i have to catch him at the right time as in when i know he has money in the bank, that way he can't make me feel guilty for asking. but shit man i 've been here for 5 months and i havent gotten a raise, i run errands in my own ( Read more... )

well last night yet again i apologized for my transgresions. i miss him. i dont know what to do. i know what he would want me to do, he would want me to assume responsibility for everyone and help them get straight. i know this, but its alot harder then just knowing it and getting it done. there is alot more to it. i dont fear alot of things but i ( Read more... )

you know i stayed up most of the night trying to explain to raul that he has a mental problem. he asked why he has a hard time distinguishing the difference between fantasy and reality and i told him, a person without a mental issue wouldn't ask that question. there really isn't a "technique" it just happens. and i have known for a long time that ( Read more... )

so what is beauty anyway? the world seems to believe that it is something that is visable on the physical sense. is it really? one oppinion that i have recieved is that it is all about the way you carry yourself. maybe that is the way that it should work. i dont know. things get so complicated when looks are involved. its as complicated as politics

so i got a call last night from this girl that is in love with someone who doesn't want her. gee doesn't this sound too familiar. lol. it made me realize how hard it was when i left alonzo and how stupid i was for ever even being with him. the shit that i went through for that ass. and the ironic thing is that i still love him and think about him. ( Read more... )