I'm sad. and lonely. and confused. and mad ( Read more... )

I feel equally empty and full at the same time. I can't function properly. There are many thing I want to do but can't. It's all very confusing. I hate boys.

siiiigh

I don't know how to feel. do I want to lay it all out? keep it in? leave it be? no matter what I do I'm going to obsess about it. I was never made to wait patiently. I don't have that hard wired into me. I need answers now not whenever the other person is finally ready. and how long till ready? how long do I wait before I decide I'm done waiting. ( Read more... )

so I mentioned in my last post that I was feeling weird about some of my feelings for Ian and that comparing him to Chris and having a wall up is awkward and I don't exactly know how do deal with all the feelings. I do recognize I am falling in love as it were. Considering we are still not in a relationship I'm really trying to hold back on that ( Read more... )

the phrase "when it rains it pours" applies to today for me ( Read more... )

so tomorrow Ian and I are finally going out again after like a month. I've been doing my girl thing, totally freaking out about stuff to the point where i totally thought it was over. clearly its not. but where exactly is this relationship I don't know. So tomorrow I will hopefully find out. I had a speech all worked out but I don't like it any ( Read more... )

literally, I am actually sick. not surprising since my brother was sick. I am not as sick as he was thankfully and knock on wood and all that junk. Just a sore throat and stuffiness but still it is poo ( Read more... )

in the dream my friend jennifer's cat and my cat have babies. they are super cute cuz they are black and white with some orange and some come out calico all patched worked (which is also what ian's cat looks like so i have no idea if there is something going on there). and im pretty sure my moms parents are visiting us. someone leaves the door open ( Read more... )

for the last two weeks i have been super understanding of not being able to talk to ian so much. he was at the end of the semester and its stressful and i figured if he could talk he would. plus we went out last friday. however, its coming down to a time where i feel it will demonstrate how he feels about me. hes not super busy, if he wants to see ( Read more... )

no, i am not in love. lets just clarify that right now. i just really love that muse song and it reminds me of him. i am super smitten. and i kinda hate it. how could i hate something ive been waiting to happen for like ever? because i cant stop thinking about him, and us and the future and our times together. its very distracting. ive been working ( Read more... )