Losing Ellie has been one of the hardest things in my life. I cant even begin to describe the things that I have felt or been through since she came home in December sick the last time. Dealing with all of her affairs and trying to keep my family together and safe has proven to be even more difficult without her. Trying to keep a roof over our head ( Read more... )

I get really sick of people breaking their word and not having time for what is important. They care about their needs and their shit and fuck everyone else in their life. Screw the people that are there for you all the time. Screw the people you call family Broken words are still broken words. You say you are going to do something then do it. If ( Read more... )

And people wonder why I feel like Im not heard and not respected. Its quite clear that Im not listened to. When you ask someone to do something and six hours later its not done then they leave the house and wonder why Im pissed? Gee, maybe its because I asked you to do something for me and you couldnt do it. Makes a fuck ton of sense to me honestly ( Read more... )

I shouldnt be feeling this way but I am. I shouldnt be this lonely but I am. I feel like I have no one right now. My house is filled with my children and the woman I love yet I feel like Im completely alone and that it doesnt matter. Why should I feel this way? I really have no idea to be honest but its how it is right now ( Read more... )

I havent written here in months really and its for various reasons. Mostly because I havently felt the desire to but this morning yeah needed to get some things out for me. Ellie leaves in sixteen days. Ive known for months it was going to happen but when she came home with the actual date of departure it seems like the world stopped spinning. It ( Read more... )

Never in a thousand years did I think that my daughter being Ms. Youth PRIDE would be easy. I knew it was going to be hard, that we were going to be busy and that is fine. I knew it, we accepted that and we are fine with it. But I am not fine with the tears my daughter is shedding because she is experiencing so much hate. The world is ugly, we know ( Read more... )

Today is the Day of Silence. To stand up and give up your voice so that those who don’t have a voice can be heard. I watched my daughters last night make t-shirts to wear to school. Ill post pictures when they come home. But I watched and I was proud of them. I have always been proud of Katt for standing up for what she believes in and she ( Read more... )

I have moments of hatred that run so deep and so dark that I should be afraid but Im not... Its one of those moments right now and its my ex-husband again. Katt was given back her myspace after all of this time and her trip into insanity. So he starts talking to her and I hate him. He acts like he gives a shit. Like he cares and wants to be there. ( Read more... )

I find myself ready to give up on connecting with people anymore. I find myself withdrawing from the people I do know now and Im okay with that. Its the people around me that aren’t really. They are looking at me and asking whats wrong and whats going on. I don’t know what the answer should be. Is it my place to even answer anymore. When you are ( Read more... )

IT'S CHRISTMAS DAY ALL IS SECURE ( Read more... )