Bad roommate haiku challenge!

[defenestr8r]

One of my current roommates is seriously unpleasant. Like, barely talks to me at all. She will sit in silence and not acknowledge my presence.

Riley would call her a COOZ.

Thankfully she is moving out on Tuesday, so we should plan celebratory drinks on my awesome panoramic roof deck that night :)

But meanwhile, melanina and I challenge you to write

Comments

[hypnobella]

Those weren't your bagels
I know because I bought them
You thieving whore bag

Cleaning the bathroom
would be simple with a maid
I am not the help

drinking my whiskey
mine was Makers Mark, and yours?
yours is Jack Daniels.

I love good music
I may rip my own face off
because you just don't

Rent is due the first
I didn't make that shit up
it just always is

you can be real cool
but if you use my razor
I'll beat you senseless

[defenestr8r]

ah, the voice of experience!

love it. thank you!

[melanina]

an ode to the ghosts of roommates past:

schizophrenic girl
threw away my favorite shoes
i ended your lease.

not exactly your situation, but...

[msjen]

You bang my roommate
That does not imply you are
On the lease as well.

[flipping_hades]

counting down the days
you move to I don't care where
I keep the view. WIN!

[flipping_hades]

you are moving out
i will celebrate with drinks
mean? Maybe. Tough luck!

a walk down memory lane. May I never be 18 again.

[whittles]

the place is a mess
but rent is cheap and I'm broke
now what is that smell?

found you on craigslist
what's the worst that could happen?
oh god, the horror.

So your rent check bounced
Yet offering me some coke
doesn't pay the bills

tell me, why is it
whenever your friends stop by
something goes missing?

moved in months ago
still don't know where the broom's kept
you are pathetic

pathological
the only explanation
for your behavior

oh look! It's that time
for me to kick your loser
boyfriend out again

did you have to
go lose your virginity
on my bed? really?

came home to find blood
all over the bathroom wall.
I hate when you drink.

The acid come down
is bad enough on it's own.
don't offer me crack.

you know it's bad
when you feel you have to move
and you been there first.

Re: a walk down memory lane. May I never be 18 again.

[hypnobella]

Ooooh, yours are good. I think we've lived with some of the same people.

Haikus are supposed to reference nature, not just have certain syllables!

[jactitation]

Cold rain braces but
in here we use hot water
and soap for dishes.

Your coat and scarf strewn
in the living room like red
autumn leaves bug me.

Swarms of honey bees
or gnats would be more fun than
your old college friends.

I heard a bird squawk
except, no, no, it was you
and your loud lover.