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2020
In the middle of hell.
Who could have thought a pandemic wuold hit.
Am i a parent yet? no. Still childless.. infertile.. or.. actually not infertile.. because all my stuff works.. Im suffering from unexplained childlessness.. hah.. yeah..
I wonder what shit i did in a previous life to land me this one.
hubby is depressed..
im not doing well ( Read more... ) -
Another attempt
During summer it has been far too warm to even have any kind of sex. Thus vacation was wasted on other things...
Now we are back to trying to get our schedules to mix and find the time and want to try ourselves.
It is seven days past ovulation. Ive been having vague cramps. Until yesterday. Then basically nothing. Today a small brown bleed. Or more ( Read more... ) -
Been a while
Summer has been here.. now it's gone. It was hell in so many ways. Just the other night I was watching TV and there was a movie on. No idea what it is called but the movie was about people having babies.. or not being able to have babies.. and every time i zapped by that channel.. it was something about those fucking babies. The mothers living ( Read more... ) -
Everyday torment
Every day i meet things that remind me I cant seem to get pregnant.
Today.. It was the Stargate SG-1 Episode with the Ashen. When Carter and her current partner just hints about them trying to get pregnant. Well, the entire episode really.. since that is how the Ashen work.. they make the people they befriend barren.
The second thing came not long ( Read more... ) -
Another opportunity gone
The heat made it impossible to have any kind of sexual interaction. Hard to make a baby when you dont want body contact with anyone. Too hot and exhausting to just live.
We still managed to do our dutiful attempt but today i know ot didn't help. My period has been approaching since a few days back. I knew it the instant i started craving chocolate ( Read more... ) -
Period
Yeah... I was wrong. My period came with a vengeance.
Im in severe pain and bleeding like a stuck pig.
So disappointed. So depressed. So angry. I think it is unfair.
And all i wanna do is eat. But that isnt gonna make me lose the weight i need to lose...
Bleh... What do i do....
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The pregnancy rollercoaster
So.. i said my period had arrived. it has not.. the bleeding stopped. and now im still having mild pangs of pain.. like i do during period.. right now im feeling nauseous but i think that is a trick of the mind.
Could it really be this time? I have to wait and see. Estimated date for my period is 6 days away.
I am carefully hopeful..
symptoms ( Read more... ) -
Symptoms
So .. we are still trying to get a baby. This time we timed it pretty well with my ovulation.
Now. Seven days before estimated menstruation start, im having a small spotty bleed. I was hoping it was a uterine wall attachment bleeding.. but it is leaning more towards the actual period. I also have mild back pain.
I have very mild pains. And when i ( Read more... ) -
Still trying
Still trying to get pregnant. People around me, friends and acquaintances keept getting pregnant and giving birth. I feel more and more worthless. Useless.
I need to loose weight... Trying but...yeah... -
Here again
So... here I am again. Still not pregnant. Damnit.
I get the feeling my husband doesnt want it as badly as I do... and he is diminishing in wanting to try. It is rough having to keep it all up by myself.
We are also starting the IVF treatment late august. Eveything happens in august.. and Im already tired.
For the IVF i have to loose 5 kg... great.. ( Read more... )