i'm thinking in fractures lately
more poetry than prose
i have a few extra broken pieces

happy valentine's to all the lovers
and to all the pigeons

a gift of quail's wings
waits for me in the caves
sewn together by spittle and tar
a trap set
by birds of prey 
that never come out to play

guess i'll play the bait

i was on my cigarette break
when i saw the wretched pulse of love
skulk across the floor
and slide under the door,
leave a trail of blood and pus
in it's wake

  oh you ( Read more... )

lately i've been cleaning house.
truly letting go.
and it's surprising to see how little it hurts, compared to how much it hurt hanging on by ragged threads.

it's been like washing an insect-splattered windshield after a long drive.
i can finally see ahead of me.
i'm choosing to not look behind.
i had to be the one to do it, on my terms
i had to let her ( Read more... )

 theme of the last two months of my life:

if you are not happy, you can change it.
why, oh why do i so often forget this????

i cut my hair  shorter than it's been in a year last night, and today i feel like i can see for miles.
my head feels so light.
maybe that is from all the sleep i have been getting lately.
and by all i mean the last 2 nights of 7 or so hours.  that is a shitload by my standards.

first grad school application to sjsu is in.
now ruminating over other ( Read more... )

What the hell do I think I am doing?
caring in the slightest about something so ancillary...

It's been a long time, I suppose.

this is perhaps the most tenuous position i've been in my entire life.  at least in many years.

what worries me is that i am not really that scared.  perhaps that's coming.
fear sometimes takes a while to soak in.  slow absorbtion into the heart cells.  
but i don't have the luxury of fear.
i don't have time to be afraid.
im quitting a job that would ( Read more... )

It's amazing how sometimes, when you want a change bad enough, it seems to happen by itself.  And then other times, you can push with all your might and nothing budges.
Life is so strange...

i am in a fantastic mood...........for no other reason than i was semi-productive after sleeping in until 2 pm!!  went to the gym, went to Portola to grab B's car (where he parks it to avoid being ticketed) and got groceries at Safeway and Trader Joe's.  i lugged all the groceries up all four flights of stairs as i had to use the back entrance ' ( Read more... )