How much of a duesche bag do I feel like after that last entry now?  Because now I would give anything for one more day.

The poeple though who have shown their love and support to me mean absolutely everyhting to me and I want to thank them for all that they have done for me and my family.  It has been slightly easier with all of those who care ( Read more... )

Home sucks.  Everything about this place sucks.  How sad is it that I can't wait to go back to school?  I just want to be with my Cheznutz and be away from here.  I hate here.  I hate what here does to me.  And I cannot deal with the whole situation thing.  This has got to freaking stop.  I will not be able to put up with this all summer.  I so ( Read more... )

The day came and went and I didn't even think of you.  I think that is the saddest yet best sign I have ever gotten in my life.  Things may just be looking up.  I had something planned to say, but I will not say it now becasue it obvioulsy doesn't matter anymore.  It does not matter that over a year ago my life was changed, my world turned upside ( Read more... )

Is it ok for me to say I miss you?

I am 18 years old.  I am no one's mother.  I should not be dealing with this right now.  How am I supposed to kepp things together when all I want to do is fall apart.  I have no where left to turn and I can't move forward anymore.  Who do I turn to?  Where do I run to?  I have nothing left.  My rocks, everything I have every known is gone.  It's ( Read more... )

I thought dreams were a wish your heart makes, right?  Well then I guess the dream I had last night was a nightmare.  But the funny thing is I didn't feel anything.  So I guess that would be a good thing.  And then the second part of the dream was just funny and random.  I love the way my mind works.  I also love how when you dream, you are always ( Read more... )

Me and Marsh Pinkie swore....

1.  Get totally smashed.

2. Boys...

3. Go to a Foam Night at a club.

4. Get Tatoos

5. Get Leads in the play.

We break it, we lose our pinkies.

I posted that October 31st, 2005.  And now I am sitting here on November 8th, 2006 and so much has happened since then.  I mean god, we pretty much accomplishe all of our goals except ( Read more... )

I have way to much time on my hands to think about nothing and everything.  And I have decided.  It is better to not know what love is and want it so bad it hurts than to have loved and know exaclty what it feels like to be in love and then lose it.  If you don't know how it feels you really aren't missing out on much but once you know and then it' ( Read more... )

I like to pretend I am ok.  It's my favorite pasttime.  I think I have had made so much progress but really I am walking backwards the whole time.  It hurts so bad.  All I want to do is throw up and lay in a ball and cry.  Nothing matters anymore, nothing is important.  I just want to go home and lock myself in my room and never leave.  I am tired ( Read more... )

I officially hate all things Pasta Bowl.  I was very hungry today and decided to make my last Pasta Bowl.  So I make it and it smelss delicious.  I take it out of the microwave and by now I am straving so I try to eat it right away.  Bad choice.  I burn my tounge off.  So I let it sit for a little and then a blow on each piece while trying to eat ( Read more... )