I was supposed to see my therapist at 1pm but I got the times mixed up (that's happening more often now as my mind slowly deteriorates I guess). I thought our appointment was for 1:30 and by the time she called to check if I was coming it was too late for it to be worth rushing there for 15 minutes. We talked on the phone instead. I told her how ( Read more... )

I am in a really ugly place right now ( Read more... )

I just realized: I have no interests outside the eating disorder ( Read more... )

A re-run of "Brothers and Sisters" made me cry. (Original air date Nov 8/09: "The Wig Party"). I don't normally watch that show but Calista Flockhart caught my eye because of the whole Anorexia - Ally McBeal thing back in 2000/01 (ish). Oh how I loved Ally McBeal. What a quirky show, dancing babies and all. It was so good then it got so bad then it ( Read more... )

Crap. I threw up a dinner of lettuce and mushrooms. No dressing, no nothing. It woudn't sit in my stomach properly as much as I wanted it to. It had to come up. Pathetic.

You'll probably think I'm a weirdo after reading this. Sometimes I catch myself looking at people in awe as they eat without thinking twice about it. In restaurants, at Starbucks, at work, I wonder how they do it. How can someone put something in their mouth, chew and swallow (and not want to throw it up) without worrying. Secretly, I envy those ( Read more... )

I am in so much physical discomfort every day. My stomach is churning right now and I feel like throwing up even though I have eaten nothing yet today. I can feel the stomach acid burning inside me as the minutes pass ultra-slowly here at work. 1 hour and 45 minutes to go until I can leave ( Read more... )

This is a copy of my TF post, so if you are a TF-er, disregard this ( Read more... )

I got the H1N1 flu shot yesterday. I can't lift my arm up higher than my shoulder now because it's so stiff and sore. Plus, my 35 pound son wants me to carry him around! I can't believe how big he's getting and how quickly he's growing. He's already over 1/3 of my body weight ( Read more... )

I made a deal with my tx team ( Read more... )