Comments | discounttherapy: Briefs and why-fronts.

discounttherapy

Briefs and why-fronts.

Mar 06, 2009 11:04

- Tests showed I'm allergic to dust, dust mite poo, the pollen of cedar, juniper and cypress, and food allergies including choc/coffee/cola (which I'd figured out) as well as (surprisingly) dairy and citrus, which includes tomatoes. ( Read more... )

Comments 10

cheekytubemouse March 6 2009, 20:06:53 UTC

Unfortunately, I don't have any advice, but I *do* have a friend who's very similar. If I hang out with her one day, then suddenly she wants to hang out ALL the time and takes it as rejection if I'm unable to. It's gotten to the point where I just avoid interaction with her most of the time. That really weighs on me, because she's a bright and talented girl whom I actually adore, but I simply don't have the amount of energy that she wants/needs from me. :(

discounttherapy March 6 2009, 21:30:45 UTC

Do you think about talking to her and laying it out? If you adore her, isn't it worth trying? That's what I'm struggling with.

cheekytubemouse March 9 2009, 15:48:02 UTC

My boyfriend and I have discussed it many times, as he's in the same situation with this friend. Our biggest fear is that, no matter how gently we tell her that her behavior makes people feel smothered and clung to, she not only won't hear us, but will take it very hard. We've also worried that NOT saying something makes us bad friends, but this is someone who's of fragile emotional health and the risk that she'll do something to hurt herself makes us extremely hesitant to broach this particular topic of conversation with her.

Whoa.. tristan_crane March 6 2009, 20:15:53 UTC

That's an intense situation, and you are clearly feeling it very deeply.. It sounds like you know what to do already, instintively, draw strong boundaries and if you feel that it's possible, explain to her that while you feel she's a friend, she is also asking too much at this time ( ... )

Re: Whoa.. discounttherapy March 6 2009, 21:44:41 UTC

Good point to remember that I can't control things. I do know that. I guess my greatest fear with people like this is always that if they were to be close to harming themselves, that some tiny thing or lack of thing from me could be the last straw. No way to control that, you're right, but it would be hard to live with.

Very wise advice about advice as well. However, if someone never pays you back you stop lending to them, so if someone never takes your advice and life lessons don't seem to sink in, is it worth trying one more time to break through?

Re: Whoa.. tristan_crane March 6 2009, 22:04:35 UTC

It's the hardest thing to do - detach from outcome, especially when we see ourselves and our experiences reflected in someone else. It's important to remember that you didn't break her, you aren't responsible to put her back together. Ultimately we each have to do that for ourselves, and it's absolutely excruciating to both watch and experience. ; (

On the second question.. I don't know. It really depends on the person. It sounds like you are, for the time being at least, done with her. If anything you may draw the boundary that you won't talk to her about this stuff until she commits to a regular therapy, and I'd absolutely maintain strict boundaries regardless.

Also... tristan_crane March 6 2009, 20:19:45 UTC

It's clear that this person needs professional help. You are not a professional, and even if you were (none of us, are, of course), your friendship would interfere with any treatment she needs.. the advice to call your therapist is probably the most helpful thing you can offer, and I do hope she takes you up on it.

Re: Also... discounttherapy March 6 2009, 21:41:54 UTC

She was definitely on medication in the hospital and the week after, probably still I'm guessing. It doesn't get much more professional than a psych ward, but no, she hasn't been in therapy before the event, I don't think. I know I can't provide that help, and I know better than to try. Hopefully by now she's called to schedule an appointment with a shrink ...

rentravler March 7 2009, 03:42:34 UTC

Wow, lots of stuff.

Allergies: Sounds like we have the same food allergies--or, likely, "intolerances", as medical professionals tend to get all up in arms about any reaction that is not a full-blown hives histamine reaction. The elimination diet thingie (taking food out and then adding it back in) is really enlightening. That's how I found out about my citrus and bell pepper issues. Sorry you're intolerant :( It does limit your food choices a bit. Glad things are diagnosed, though.

About your sister's visit--I have been wanting to see "Wicked" for a while now, if nothing else that to see how they made this deconstructed Wizard of OZ book into a musical. How does Wayne and I meeting up with your guys for dinner or something before the show sound? What date are you going ( ... )

discounttherapy March 7 2009, 19:03:55 UTC

Our tickets are for Tuesday night April 7. They were in the $80 level, I think in the mezzanine. It would be great if we could all meet up. Former roommate J and her husband and niece newly arrived from China are going too. Sorry I didn't put out a call to anyone who might be interested, but it would have been hard to manage. I had to negotiate with the box office for 20 minutes and call J twice to find five tickets together during my sister's visit as it was. Buy them NOW if you want to go that night, seriously. It's insane ( ... )