I remember how that felt. That love that brought me to tears when I thought I didn't deserve it. I was in love and Jaron was in love with me. I had to work so, so hard to even allow myself to feel loved. I let go. I stopped being scared. It was all taken away from me when he had a major stroke back in October. His love was ripped away from me ( Read more... )

The thought of someone being nice to you and respecting you is pleasing to most people and will make them smile. It brings me to tears and makes me upset because I can't get over the fact/believe that I deserve it.

I don't go out much with others, and flake out a lot on plans.. I've been ignoring people, and worst of all I've been ignoring myself. The worst thing is, this is all for somebody else. I'm living for someone else and not for myself, and I feel horrible and controlled. All the love, and time I've been giving them has been misinterpreted as false.. ( Read more... )

I need to stop relying on others to tell me what my emotions will be.

Fuck, ahhh

I want to get so fucked up right now but I'm trying so hard to be sober again

Crying too hard to stay on here.

Sick of people giving me undeserving bullshit but I'm too fucking dumb to pull myself away from it.

I feel the grip of someone's raging jealousy. I tried honesty. I tried following the "rules" that were set up so no one would get hurt. Sorry I wanted to be friends, not some "booty call" or anything. I hooked up with someone else, but I'm not your fucking girlfriend, I'm not just a hook-up buddy, so why does it matter? I'm not tied down to ( Read more... )

I'm a pointless human being who just does everything the wrong way and is of no benefit to the world or to anyone. I'm a jealous, needy doormat who selfishly puts the blame on others and is constantly feeling at her wit's end while clutching to others, trying to make them happy while all along fucking everything up while just digging a hole rather ( Read more... )

I spent my entire day off feeling sick, and like a piece of shit. I'm fucking stressed out and can't stop crying. Jeff and I broke up a week ago.. Even as friends he still doesn't care about my feelings.. He cares about the feelings of others and makes sacrifices for them, but when I'm stressed, sick, and upset he still won't give 2 shits about me.

I don't think my boyfriend cares about me at all... We get 2-3 nights off together, never any full days, and he wants to spend those nights working another job.. but before he said he never has time to himself.. hmm.. and when he's with me he just goes on his phone ( Read more... )

I've been sober now for 2 weeks and 1 day... I find I'm laughing more, and have a clearer state of mind.. but I'm still having difficulty sorting out other things that are happening. I feel more guilty now about the choices I've made in the past few years or so, and it's just coming on so overwhelming right now. I love my boyfriend but I just don't ( Read more... )

Day 2.

I had an awesome day with my best friend. Now I'm home and feel unloved and shitty.