Comments | donferdinand: A True Rule

donferdinand

A True Rule

Jul 13, 2009 08:53

There are important rules about what to do if three people are socializing together and two of them are "a couple." They just mess me up every time for some reason, and I feel there is no way to negotiate them gracefully AT ALL.

First, if you are in a restaurant or some place where you have to sit down, you have to make sure the couple sits ( Read more... )

Comments 11

wynand July 13 2009, 15:36:32 UTC

Someone needs to write a new Emily Post guide!

miraclejones July 13 2009, 16:00:07 UTC

All my male friends are fucking 7 foot forty with all kinds of elbows. I'd always rather give them their own side, if I can help it. Also, I like to sit facing the door, or the nearest threat.

donferdinand July 13 2009, 21:21:13 UTC

Hah, but isn't every male's nearest threat in this situation THE WOMAN

megatexas July 14 2009, 03:15:21 UTC

THE WOMAN??!?!? WHERE?

tyrsalvia July 13 2009, 16:22:05 UTC

I only have these sorts of issues when sitting with someone I am attracted to but not involved with. Particularly, when I am with my partner and someone either I am crushing on, or someone we both are crushing on. I don't want to "hog" the desired person, or seem to be disloyal to my partner.

Sometimes this is made even more difficult (in row seating) by the presence of my partner's other gf. If it's me, him, her, and someone he and I are crushing on... that's awkward. Normally when it's my partner and his other gf and I, he sits in the middle at movies and that's easy. But if both he and I are attracted to someone else there, then that means Crush sits next to me because otherwise Partner's SO wouldn't get to sit next to her bf. But then I feel like I am "staking a claim" on Crush in a way I don't want to, and....

Anyways, yeah, I know what you're talking about.

donferdinand July 13 2009, 21:41:20 UTC

Yeah, that seems awkward, especially if "crush" doesn't know "partner's other girlfriend," so that it would seem cruel to make him or her sit way over next to the person they don't know, as if you're explicitly telling them that you value your relationship more than their happiness.

But, if your partner is there with two girlfriends, wouldn't it be "your prerogative" to sit next to the crush, so that you would both be sitting next to two "significant others"? It seems like the most awkward thing in that situation would be arranging it explicitly - like you are doing the whole party a favor by preparing beforehand so that everyone's arrangement seems casual when it is actually very deliberate!

megatexas July 14 2009, 08:48:59 UTC

Just learn to enjoy awkwardness in all its wonderful forms.

heron61 July 14 2009, 09:17:28 UTC

I've only seen this rule be true for new or potential relationships - in the case of established couples, things seem far more free-form, with table dynamics being governed far more by convenience or circumstance than my any sorts of rigid laws of conduct. However, it's pretty universally true for new (less than 1-2 years old) relationships or in cases where one or both individuals are considering or hoping for a relatioship.