"The trick to the "creative arts" is to become the sort of person for whom failure and frustration are fuel, like one of those ramjet spaceships that runs on hydrogen that it collects in a big scoop as it travels through the universe, able to collect more and more fuel as it goes faster and faster, never stopping, always accelerating, a dangerous ( Read more... )

Some dear friends asked me to give the toast at their wedding, but I don't have the money to travel down to Texas. So we are gonna do a show for them on Friday, and I wrote this story:

"Wedding Toast"

I figure: why ask ME for this, if this isn't what you want? Right?

"The only way I can work with you and not be scared you are going to turn around and stab me in the heart with a knife every time I tell you to do something is if I imagine that you are some kind of cartoon character."

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Ha ha! Fuck you, New York! I am here for another month, at LEAST.

I am going to make rent this month.

Thank you, baby Jesus.

I am a simple man from a small town in Texas.  My dreams are simple, prosaic, and laughable -- but of course urgent to me all the same ( Read more... )

I just watched every single G.I. Joe public service announcement.  If you need some advice in your life, go ahead and ask.  I am about as wise as I can possibly be right now.

Alright gang.  This is what I'm reading tonight.  A brand new story about The Way We Live Now.

Role-Playing Game

Are you ready for this shit?

We just got booked for a show on the 25th at the KGB Bar in Manhattan, which is New York's most famous literary reading bar, and therefore the world's most famous literary reading bar.

The fucking Fiction Circus at the KGB.

Now I have to write a story so good this month that it will literally make people want to kill me that it is so good.

But here's this month's short story for our show:

"A Tense Situation and a Chainsaw"

I wrote this story based on three fun samples that Goodman Carter and I came up with:  the "aaaaaa aaaaa aa aaa AH" from Led Zeppelin's "Immigrant Song," a chainsaw, and sleigh bells.

Looks like my summer job this year is going to be taking care of the infant downstairs while his mom goes and does make-up jobs for photo shoots. 8 bucks an hours cash, 5 hours a day, plus whatever health food I can steal.  The pantry is mainly stocked with shit like "spelt flour" and "cranberry resin" but whatever.

I've done it this gig for four ( Read more... )