I have this new boyfriend whose sisters look like angels. They both have dyed black hair with lots of piercings and long, thin limbs and delicate bones and radiant blue eyes like globes. The three of them are the most beautiful people I have ever seen. And it makes me so jealous and frustrated because I don't understand why he would he even look at ( Read more... )

Today I've eatan an 80 calorie yogurt ( Read more... )

I haven't felt this depressed in a very, very long time. Ideas of blades and pills spun through my head all night. It's frightening. I'm not sure that I'm even going to make it through school tomorrow. I've grown too weary from the fight.

I can't stand myself.

There's so much more to him than people see. He's the most multi-dimensional person I've ever met. Not many people would understand. I try to explain why I do what I do for him and no one understands. Because they know what it's like to have a family. We don't. He's never been cared for, so how can I expect him to know how to care for someone else ( Read more... )

There was a point in my life when I promised myself that I would never be one of those girls. I was far too intelligent for a boyfriend, I had better things to worry about. But now I understand. I would drop everything for him. He is the singular reason I come to school. I fell asleep on my computer due to sheer exhaustion tonight around eight, so ( Read more... )

We awake in the morning, our bodies intertwined and his skin sweet against mine. The sun is just beginning to rise and the light is fragmented as it falls through the window. My body is exhausted, but revived, and I think that this is the first time I have a sense of my own skin. I feel his hands traveling the length of my body, his sweet mouth ( Read more... )

I hardly have the right to complain about him doing coke when I'm little miss pill popper, but I'm really worried about him getting into hard drugs again. It's impossible to tell him he's hurting himself when I'm equally as bad, though. We're all fucking up so bad. Not just the two of us, but Sam, Morgan, and Sarah, too. But it's fun? I'm always ( Read more... )

I'm very thankful that my boyfriend parties just as much as I do. It's just so much safer. I think about the situations I'm in and they'd be really dangerous if I didn't have him there to keep his arm around me when guys hit on me or take my beer away when I've had too much. Every weekend gets crazier. The crowds get bigger, the people get older, ( Read more... )

So I finally weighed myself. 115.

I have to eat. I have to eat. I have to eat.

But I don't want to.

I can't even sort out my thoughts anymore.

My self-image always seems to worsen when I have a boyfriend. It doesn't make any sense. I just get so scared of losing them that I want to make sure that I'm flawless. It's much easier to be indifferent about my appearance when I have a handful of guys to choose from, instead of just fixating on one specifically ( Read more... )