Boo, I am sick. I began to have a sore throat yesterday, and in the middle of the night the sore throat demon from HELL came to visit me. I had to do this weird hoppy around thing to get two Advil down my swollen little throat ( Read more... )

 Oatmeal

You taste like depression, 
oatmeal. You lie
in your little pot, flick and bat your oat
eyes at me, promise a golden maple warmth
but taste like the ground I fall 
into face-first when I’m sad.

I slather you all across the brick 
and you look like cocking, or is it caulking?
You may as well be a shriveled 
old cock, anyway. That’s what you taste ( Read more... )

 I've gone through so many mood shifts today.

Morning: lovely and floaty.
Early afternoon: intense desire to change myself completely. desire to be clean and pure.
Afternoon: content
Early evening: alright, content
Evening: awkward, self-loathing, dismissive of myself.
Early Night: high as a kite, blissful.
Night: fear and paranoia.

Currently: sorta numb.

( Read more... )

 Soooooooo...good news on the letters of rec front--I got two def. letters so far! One perhaps...if he ever gets around to reading my stuff (he's a busy man).  YAY. That takes a load off my shoulders.

I've been doing well on the new Welbutrin (sp?) dosage of 450 mg...still with the Lexapro 10 mg. I only have had one "episode-like" moment, but I ( Read more... )

I hate the fact that I can't post poetry up here cause the formatting get's screwwwwwwed up.  Lame.

I think I'm silently going caaaarrrraaaazzzzeeeee.  I should probably be sat down and hugged a bit.

 Sometimes its difficult for me to get past the idea that I'm just "weak" when I have a spell/episode.  When I'm in it, I feel as if a voice is screaming at me, and instead of standing up to it and driving it out, I just roll up into a ball and rock.  It's as if I become powerless.  I think maybe it might be helpful to stretch the personification ( Read more... )

Studying for my Prophets test is actually somewhat interesting.   

I'm really being quite the lazy-bones today.  Today's been pretty depressive.

On the bright side of things, I edited some poetry and started on my short story.

I wish formatting stayed accurate after copypaste so I could paste my new poem up here--but I can't because the formatting will screw up, and the poem is nothing without the formatting, with ( Read more... )

10 bullets to sum up the day ( Read more... )

My mother makes me feel crazy.  No, like there is something wrong with me.  Really.  As if I'm broken.

Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk.

I swear if she was in front of me I'd probably slap her.