so i havn't posted in this forever and whatever who cares. i should delete all that old shit but im not going to. it's interseting to look back and see "this is what i was. this is how i felt. god i was a moron ( Read more... )

you will never read this. but i wish you would. because i don't have the guts to say it to your face. i made one mistake. one fucking mistake. and i'm losing everything because of it. you rant and go on about how "in the real business world" they wouldn't give me a second chance, you glorifiy yourself for being so tolerant as to let me try again. ( Read more... )

all i can think about is the first time we spoke ( Read more... )

i just lost the best thing in my life. and something has changed that can't be repaired. from now on i'm a different person. but i can't stop crying, because my heart is breaking. i've never been in this much pain before.

things arn't getting better. they're not getting worse, they're just kind of stagnant for the moment. but i'm just nervous, crouched on the edge of this precipice waiting to be pushed over. i feel volitile and twitchy, nervous at every conversation, even being in the same room with my mom. if it's not one thing, it's another. it's driving me insane ( Read more... )

i am going to isu a year. if all goes well i will return to uiowa after that year. but i'm in danger of losing the one i love. and my heart is breaking. but for once i refuse to accept it. for once i'm going to fight. because i love him so much. i'm not going to lose him. i swear to god i'm not.

i can't remembering crying this much since my hamsters died. now it looks like i won't be going back to iowa city, and all i can think about is losing jay. and then i can't swallow and i can't do anything but cry. if it was different, if he didn't want to be with me, i think it would be easier to accept. but this...i can't ask him to be with me ( Read more... )

my life sooo sucks right now, and since i really have no one to whine to, i get to livejournal! first off *screams into a pillow as loud as possible for atleast 10 minutes* augbaoawm jesus christ i don't even know where to begin. first off, failed a class, mom hit the roof, and stayed there. actually she's probably still there but doing the ( Read more... )

my world is crashing down around me. i don't know how to stop it. but all i know is i want the pain in my heart to stop.

it's sad when you can't tell your parents the most important things going on in your life. who you love, how you're doing in school, how you're worried about your future. expectations can be good, they can help us rise above adversity. or they can be crippling. they can make your blood run cold with fear of dissapointment, rejection. how can anyone ( Read more... )