i feel....pathetic. confused. close to hitting the button that says "delete". my insecurities ahve never been this bad. well yeah they have. but it's never been so important as now. i want to demand something i know i can't. i want to ask...the impossible. the rediculous. im rediculous. i know i am. i'm starting doubt. everything. feeling ( Read more... )

things are different between us, i can feel it. it's not a big deal now, but it'll keep getting worse and worse. and refusing to face it now won't help. i don't know what i can do. i wish i could stay here, i wish we could keep going on like we are. but i know it won't. i really can't. i guess whatever comes our way will happen. in other news ( Read more... )

it's unraveling, far to fast. apparently last night was the night of weird dreams. while mine resembled sometihng like a weird action/drama movies, my boyfriend had a dream that went like this ( Read more... )

today is the two month anniversery of jay's and mine first day. and that grammer is wrong and it's bugging me but whatever. anyways i am happy, it seems like we just started dating and even though we've had a few minor bumps it seems like we're doing well. i've never had a realtionship last this long, i always assumed it would be hard, but it's ( Read more... )

yiou know, i thought i was doing so god damn well. i really did. i was losing my insecurities, i was doing better with myself. and then BAM. in one day it all comes rushing back like a flood of bullshit. i fucking HATE THIS. and i can't believe i have insecurities about a chick that lives on the other side of the planet! i thought i could do this. ( Read more... )

because he loves me too

i have a confession to make: i'm in love with my boyfriend. why? he's not particularly rich, or in the running for an ambercrombie model. but i love him anyways. because after we havn't seen each other for a few days, he'll hold me and kiss my forehead. when he sleeps he'll tug my arm so i'll cuddle with him. he'll buy me pepsi randomly because he ( Read more... )

ever get the feeling that people only talk to you because they think they're you're "most likely person on the floor to snap and start gunning people" i kind of get that. a lot. which is kind of bogus cause i'm way too much of a wuss to get a gun and fire it at people i know. hey im a nice person, i just don't like interacting with other people on ( Read more... )

i don't know if i can play this game much longer. it's becoming harder and harder to fight these growing doubts in my head. i don't know what i want, i don't know what's going on through my head. but im in danger of losing somthing very dear to me. maybe it's my bad mood, maybe it's the fact that i need to grow up. but something needs to change

i HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE my insecurities!!! jay filled out a myspace poll thing (jesus those plague the world) and "the last person who told you they loved you was" julie. the dreaded ex. atleast for me. asian, cute and on the other side of the world. i know he cared about her alot, i know he loved her. and what i ( Read more... )