so i've been doing bad keeping this thing updated a couple times at least, but at least i'm not waiting a month at a time anymore ( Read more... )

about a half hour ago, at ten of ten, i passed a car in the breakdown lane next to me that who's front end was engulfed in flames! it was this little teal/greenish mid-90's toyota something or other (i'm guessing, it looked just like my friend roxo's old car) on 91n, no more than 500 feet from the exit for 202, and of course 500 feet before it i ( Read more... )

alright, the last time i logged in was ages ago, and i haven't re-read the entry yet, nor do i care to having moved on from the things that plagued my first few months clean, but i am going to attempt to update at least twice a week from now on. i find that writing my feelings will help me deal with them much better ( Read more... )

chris is suddenly starting to miss me again and wants to spend all kind of time with me. hes starting to miss the amy thats always happy and cheerful and never sad or upset around him. im acting, chris, youre the one who told me to do it. no wonder you are starting to like me again, because im exactly what you want me to be, but that isnt who i ( Read more... )

i get the hint ( Read more... )

i got a new tatoo that chris hasnt even seen or heard about yet. i had it done last thursday. i covered up my little smiling blue moon because iv always ben bothered by that one. the guy said hed do my lizard next, add one like three more that get smaller and smaller down the line so it kinda looks like that lizards are crawling up my hip, and h ( Read more... )

chris, if youre still reading my journal, which i highly doubt you are because you dont care what im doing behind your back anymore or how im feeling or notice im acting strange, i just want you to know im beginning to resent ever giving you a second try. i resent letting you talk me into this situation and letting you treat me however the hell ( Read more... )

there are some mornings i'm not depressed, but for a fleeting moment i just want to vomit and then stab myself in the heart. not kill myself, just stab myself in the heart, which, unfortuantely, would most likely lead to my untimely end. however, if i did kill myself, ive already been threatened by cappy. he says at my funeral he'll stand up at ( Read more... )

fuck ( Read more... )

but even what i'm going through with chris is nothing compared to the memories that flood my mind. the passing of time has always bothered me to no end. the fact that i cant let go of memories of ties when i thought my life was going to change so much, and it was getting so great, and the fun i was having i wished would last forever ( Read more... )